About MIL copying me?

[redangryemoji]

Just to clarify- this is not a MIL bashing thread. We get on really well and she is a lovely kind woman. But....

She has form for copying me which doesn’t generally bother me but this time I’m really pissed off.

We have a family wedding coming up next month. DP needed a new suit so he went out and got himself one. 2 weeks later MIL and FIL also go and get a new suit. As she’s showing me I notice it’s exactly the same suit that DP got. She laughs and says ‘Yes but FIL’s suit is slim fit not skinny fit like the one xxxx got.’ Still it’s the same colour, brand and style so is the same suit in my opinion. He’s also got the same style shoes to go with it and the same colour shirt to wear with it. DP was a bit annoyed as they will be dressed pretty much the same.

Fast forward a few weeks and MIL asked me what I’m planning on wearing to the wedding. I show her the dress that I’ve got (navy lace) and the nude shoes and bag to wear with it. She said ‘that’s nice’ and not much else. A couple of days later she said ‘I think I’m going to look for a navy lace dress to wear to the wedding’. I was a bit but thought no more if it.

Today she’s sent me a picture of the dress, shoes and bag that she’s got and it is pretty much identical to mine. The whole bloody lot of it!

Why? Why? Why? Does she not realise we are going to look like a load of twats all wearing the same thing? I mentioned it to DP but he became quite defensive saying if it bothers me that much I should change my dress. AIBU to be so pissed off about it or should I just take it as a complement?
Also I’m now debating changing my dress and not ever telling her anything again but I absolutely love it and will struggle to find anything else I like quite as much.

I'm in the get another dress and don't tell her camp. Also in any future discussions only talk about things you've seen that you actually found hideous and send her chasing after those.

Keep your dress. Get another dress for the wedding.

And don't tell her what you're wearing every again! Lovely woman or not, no-one wants to be dressed identically to their inlaws.

I'd send a message saying 'omg we're gonna look a right bunch of 'twats'!

Take your stuff back and get new??

People won't notice the suits are the same if you change the shirt, tie and shoes.

As for the dress yes sadly you are just going to have to change. People will notice. My DP's cousins (sisters to each other) accidently turned up to a family wedding wearing very similar dresses to each other, that unfortunately also happened to have a bit of a bridesmaidy look about them too. They were both mortified and all day people were taking the piss out of them asking if they had deliberately come as reserve bridesmaids.

Tell her now: Oh good, we qon't look the same now, I just git a new dress for the wedding. Let her copy you again and you can wear the navy lace!

YANBU. Bit weird really, although I get the point about flattery. I'd change my dress and NOT tell her. That way she can't copy you.

Just had an awful thought - is there a disco??

@Santawontbelong oh no- yes there is. Why?

Weird, it's as if she wants it to look like her son married his mother. Definitely change the dress!

Definitely change the dress.
Next time she asks what you're wearing, tell her you're waiting to see what she buys first before you decide and see how she reacts.

Very annoying. Have a look online for another similar lace dress. Without knowing your colours, most mils seem to love blush pink, it looks pretty in a lace dress and it would still go with your nude accessories. That will make her wish she’d got one too

And lie next time she asks. I’d say “oh I’m not sure”...

You have to say something! "Mil that's lovely but particularly with fils suit we'll look like a very weird culty family, I haven't got time to change my dress so please change yours- you look lovely in orange and get fil a tie that matches it? PEOPLE WILL THINK WE'RE WEIRD.''
Cry if needed.

To stop this happening again. (Don't tell her what you are wearing ever again,) but offer to take her shopping & help her choose something that you/she likes

you look lovely in orange

That won't wash Trail - NOBODY looks good in orange.

I just want to ask her ‘Why?’ but DP doesn’t want to upset her so asks me to keep quiet!

But he's OK with her doing stuff to upset you ??

It's not flattering to copy someone completly it is weird. And not very nice when youare going ot the same event (would have been Ok if shed bought your dress to wear to something you weren't going to)
I would say to her regarding the dress - 'Oh I'll have to buy another dress now - we can't all turn up to the wedding dressed the same - people will think we are mad.'

Although it's bloody annoying that you have to get another dress - she should have to, but I suspect she won't. She clearly wants you to look like differently aged twins.

It sounds like she's not very confident in her own taste and wants a contemporary look but doesn't know how to do it on her own.

But yes, buy yourself a new dress and get dh new shirt and tie.

You could offer to take her shopping the next time she asks about your outfit? If you get on well that might be a nice thing to do. She obviously trusts your taste.

I have this situation with a younger sister and I just stopped sharing information with her. I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I certainly understand why you would ask the question. It's strange behaviour on her part. Change your dress!

Take the dress and accessories back and get different ones and then get the most revolting dress you can find in the charity shop and bring it out whenever MIL asks what you will be wearing at any future event.

I really think you should tell her you like the velvet dress. It reminds me of curtains and a frilly pelmet. Delicious!

Sorry but I am old and not v confident with the new styles but I wouldn't go round copying my DIL clothes. It's odd.

I can relate to this but not be much help I am afraid, I had a friend 40 years ago, who copied my decor, style colour etc, then another30 years ago.MIL also, we decorated our lounge, 2 walls one colour opposite 2 a darker shade, within a month went to hers, it was identical I was shocked, said "Oh, its exactly the same as ours", she assured me they were just using up some old paint they had lying around. Then we moved, the bedroom had this wallpaper metalic striped grey/white, it was already there, next time I visited her, yuh there it was in their bedroom. I knew they say its the synserest form of flattery I also found it extremely annoying. Luckily, she would copy my clothes, me being a size 10 her a 22. We didnt "share" the information, she would come to our house, see something and then replicate it.

Sorry should read "she wouldnt copy my clothes"

Get a new dress. And get your DH a different shirt and tie while you're add it so neither of you match his parents.

And never tell her what you're planning to wear to anything again. Tell her why if she persists in asking you.

It is strange behaviour definitely, I doubt it's malicious though. I would change outfits and I would stop sharing info with her but I don't think there is any need to deliberately mislead her. A simple ' I really need to sort that out.' When she asks what your wearing will be enough! If she asks why you changed your dress for this event I would make a jokey comment about all looking the same.

DP was a bit annoyed as they will be dressed pretty much the same

Every man there will be dressed pretty much the same!