About MIL copying me?

[redangryemoji]

Just to clarify- this is not a MIL bashing thread. We get on really well and she is a lovely kind woman. But....

She has form for copying me which doesn’t generally bother me but this time I’m really pissed off.

We have a family wedding coming up next month. DP needed a new suit so he went out and got himself one. 2 weeks later MIL and FIL also go and get a new suit. As she’s showing me I notice it’s exactly the same suit that DP got. She laughs and says ‘Yes but FIL’s suit is slim fit not skinny fit like the one xxxx got.’ Still it’s the same colour, brand and style so is the same suit in my opinion. He’s also got the same style shoes to go with it and the same colour shirt to wear with it. DP was a bit annoyed as they will be dressed pretty much the same.

Fast forward a few weeks and MIL asked me what I’m planning on wearing to the wedding. I show her the dress that I’ve got (navy lace) and the nude shoes and bag to wear with it. She said ‘that’s nice’ and not much else. A couple of days later she said ‘I think I’m going to look for a navy lace dress to wear to the wedding’. I was a bit but thought no more if it.

Today she’s sent me a picture of the dress, shoes and bag that she’s got and it is pretty much identical to mine. The whole bloody lot of it!

Why? Why? Why? Does she not realise we are going to look like a load of twats all wearing the same thing? I mentioned it to DP but he became quite defensive saying if it bothers me that much I should change my dress. AIBU to be so pissed off about it or should I just take it as a complement?
Also I’m now debating changing my dress and not ever telling her anything again but I absolutely love it and will struggle to find anything else I like quite as much.

Why haven't you asked her directly as to why she's done this? Ask her if she realises how bizarre it is that you would show up in identical outfits. I would want to hear her reasoning behind this.

Change your dress and never give her information like this in the future.

I would get something else to wear and when she inevitably asks why you aint wearing your navy lace dress I would say that all 4 of you would all look strange wearing the same thing.
I honestly think people would laugh when they noticed all 4 of you wearing the same

Obviously share no info in the future but on this occasion tell her you've changed your mind and will be buying and wearing this dress: www.jovani.com/couture-dresses/plunging-back-dress-98471

That should be interesting if she decides to copy

You could tell her that you’ve had to buy a new dress and take the other one back as the seam was splitting. Say you’ve got one of those gorgeous polyester ones from M&S that look like something ABBA would have worn in the 79s and then wait an see if she changes hers 😀

Oh no!!! No other option in my mind you have to get a new dress!! So annoying xxx

Is she IS reliving her youth as pp suggested it could be very embarrassing. .

Don't change your outfit... You picked it first. Broach it direct with her and explain that you are flattered she likes your style so much but that you are really looking forward to wearing that dress and that you think it will look very odd of you both look the same. I would offer some suggestion as to what would suit her (in earnest) what with her gorgeous (insert blatant flattery here)... Making sure that whilst lovely it has no resemblance to yours (but would still look nice if you have pictures taken together if that makes sense? I don't think your husband can argue with that kind of approach as you are only bring helpful and caring 😉

My MIL does this too! Not only with clothes, but bags, shoes, food in restaurants (!!!) Drives me mad

Tell her cat lady style is all the rage, so you are wearing this number. Only £3050.00 (seriously).

@messyjessy17 True. It was more the fact that it was the exact same one with same colour shirt and shoes etc. DP was annoyed that he mil could have chose out one that was at least slightly different and he she got it after he’d shown her his.

@ReginaBlitzkreig What an absolute bargain. I’ve added it to my Christmas list!

Why would she not just turn up at the wedding in the outfit - it is so bizarre that she would email you a photo of her new outfit, which happens to be exactly the same as yours.

The fact that she has emailed to tell you, gives you absolute permission to go back and express your surprise and (polite) displeasure.

@Aquamarine1029 She would only play dumb. She’s done it before. She got a nice dress I’d mentioned to her (that I’d seen in top shop). The next time I saw her she was wearing it. I told her that it was the one I’d told her about that I was going to get and she swears blind that I’d never mentioned it. Apparently she just happened to spot it as she was shopping in topshop (like you do when you’re 64)

Sorry but I'd have to ask her. Not in a confrontational way, but let her know that you need to spend more money on a new outfit and shirt for your DH, as you'll look ridiculous if you're all dressed the same. Tell her you really can't afford it.

I actually think what she's doing is really unfair!

Oh rubbish. She can only play dumb if you allow her to. This is why she, and people like her who have no sense of boundaries, are able to continue and get away with their ridiculous behaviour.

Apparently she just happened to spot it as she was shopping in topshop (like you do when you’re 64)

Um... are you saying I shouldn't ??

But you have to ask your DP why it's ok for you to be upset, but not his mother.

@TheDowagerCuntess Her dress is not exactly the same as mine but very, very similar and she got the same colour accessories too. The suit FIL got is the exact same one as DP though.

@Nanny0gg I knew this was coming- I worded that incorrectly! Of course anyone can shop anywhere they please but typically my mil is a M&S shopper and I know she would never have just happened to be in topshop.

I’ve replied to her and said that I like the dress but it’s very similar to mine. She replied saying ‘Yes I suppose it’s similar but not exactly the same. People wouldn’t even notice!’ I’ve now told her I will have to change my dress as it would seem odd us wearing such a similar dress especially with FIL and DP wearing the exact same suit. No reply yet!

YABU

Only for this reason: you know she copies you, the suit gave you fair warning, yet you KNEW this when you showed her your dress...

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?

YANBU for being annoyed but you can approach this in a positive way. You have a good relationship with her, she values your opinion and likes your taste.

Keep your own cards close, but instead of showing her YOUR outfit, show her ideas for hers (for example) use it as an excuse to help her.

I have shocking taste & no eye for outfits, I will look in a magazine, see something I like, and buy it. I fail mostly (usually with over accessorising in the accent colour, from bags to toenails, jewellery to eyeliner).

Be her style guru.

And distract her from your own outfits!

I reckon it wouldn't take any more time & energy than it does to be pissed off with her?

(I do feel for her, and you)

She's a creepy weirdo and this is just plain odd! It's not flattery at all, it's a bizarre sense of control and your DH needs to grow some balls.

If I were you, I'd wear my original outfit, safe in the knowledge that you look great, and if anyone mentions the twins scenario, be very cool, calm and clear as you explain that MIL seems to be getting a bit confused in her old age and copying every last thing you buy. Don't let anyone get away with saying it's a coincidence. It clearly isn't and she sounds like a nasty piece of work to me.

@Dabitdontrubit Yes you’re right. I should have seen it coming really. I just didn’t think for a minute she’d get something so similar especially for such a special occasion. Next time I’m going to keep quiet.

Why did you tell her you're changing your dress? You should've just turned up in a different one and told her why on the day