About MIL copying me?

[redangryemoji]

Just to clarify- this is not a MIL bashing thread. We get on really well and she is a lovely kind woman. But....

She has form for copying me which doesn’t generally bother me but this time I’m really pissed off.

We have a family wedding coming up next month. DP needed a new suit so he went out and got himself one. 2 weeks later MIL and FIL also go and get a new suit. As she’s showing me I notice it’s exactly the same suit that DP got. She laughs and says ‘Yes but FIL’s suit is slim fit not skinny fit like the one xxxx got.’ Still it’s the same colour, brand and style so is the same suit in my opinion. He’s also got the same style shoes to go with it and the same colour shirt to wear with it. DP was a bit annoyed as they will be dressed pretty much the same.

Fast forward a few weeks and MIL asked me what I’m planning on wearing to the wedding. I show her the dress that I’ve got (navy lace) and the nude shoes and bag to wear with it. She said ‘that’s nice’ and not much else. A couple of days later she said ‘I think I’m going to look for a navy lace dress to wear to the wedding’. I was a bit but thought no more if it.

Today she’s sent me a picture of the dress, shoes and bag that she’s got and it is pretty much identical to mine. The whole bloody lot of it!

Why? Why? Why? Does she not realise we are going to look like a load of twats all wearing the same thing? I mentioned it to DP but he became quite defensive saying if it bothers me that much I should change my dress. AIBU to be so pissed off about it or should I just take it as a complement?
Also I’m now debating changing my dress and not ever telling her anything again but I absolutely love it and will struggle to find anything else I like quite as much.

Dances

@DancesWithOtters oh the silver definitely.

I'm surprised that you showed her your dress after the suit copying.

Could you be bothered to change stuff for different colours?

If not, at least you know beforehand that you'll all be matchy matchy

@ReginaBlitzkreig Also a good idea!

If you can possibly change the dress all well and good, but honestly if she questions why you are wearing something different, I would be inclined to say that people look silly all wearing the same outfit.

@wobblywonderwoman I’d have no problem mentioning to her as apart from the copying thing we get on really well. FO has asked me not to as he doesn’t want her to feel embarrassed. Not as embarrassed as I’m going to feel at the wedding dressed like my in laws!

I think she may lack confidence. She sees you look good and is just copying you as she is sure your choice of clothes is a good choice.

I would definitely get a new dress, and not tell her. Keep the navy one for a different wedding/occasion.
I would also get DH to take his suit back and swap it for another. Or, at the very least, get a different coloured shirt and, possibly, shoes.

You and DH both need to & get different outfits (if dh's suit was off the rack). He needs a couple of different shirt/tie combinations and totally different shoes.

Then if they ask why tell them it's because you refuse to look like twattish matching bookends & that this HAS to stop. Now. If it upsets them, tough shit. It's ridiculous. As for DH, give him directions to his backbone.

Change the dress and if she asks why say
Well mil people would think you were strange turning up in the same dress as me and fil in the same suit as DH so I didn't want you to be embarrassed or have the piss taken out of you.

By using this approach it shows you care soooo much for her and don't want anyone mocking her.

Your OH says you should change your dress, but hasn't also applies this to his suit ! I would at least change the shirt to another colour.
I would also change the dress, & tell her, "Oh you silly thing, we can't go as twins, your 40 years older than me ...." :o)

I would quietly order a new dress and a new shirt and tie for my DH too.

If she asks why just smile and say “You bought a similar dress and I didn’t want to match”

I would never, ever tell her what we were wearing again.

I’m normally a bit meh about copying threads but this really is over the line weird.

@Leeds2 DP can’t take it back as he’s had alterations made to it. He will just have to get a different shirt. Poor bloke!

She could be trying to relive her youth through you.

@Fishface77 That seems a good way of putting it

Awkward, isn't it? It's flattering that she wants to copy your style but you don't want to dress alike as though you were identical twins (which looks creepy as adults and I speak as a twin). Does she feel insecure in her own choice/style, whatever that may be?

I'd be inclined to exchange my dress if I could and wear something else - though I don't envy you having to explain yourself. Perhaps say that you don't want to wear a carbon copy of another woman's dress.

@Happyemoji Yes possibly but still a bit odd in my opinion.

I would have to say something
I would ask them nicely why they have bought almost identical outfits. I would say you are all going to look ridiculous and ask how this problem can be solved
Can they take their outfits back? If not it is going to cost you money as you will need new outfits
I can't stand all the pussy footing around. As long as it's said nicely I can't see the problem and unless you deal with it then it will continue

Unless you tell her that she makes herself - and you - look ridiculous by copy dressing, she won't get it. If you say nothing she'll just think you don't mind.

Do not wear your navy lace dress!

Slight twist on it here - for xmas and birthdays my MIL buys DH the exact same clothes as his father (70s) Exactly the same. So - slacks and pastel shirts, v neck jumpers in shades of brown and ... what do they call them ... tank tops? and 'car coat' sort of jackets.

DH (30s) is and He's a track suit trouser, t shirt and hoodie sort of bloke.

I agree with those who suggest that your MIL might lack confidence when it comes to this type of thing and admires your style. Unfortunately, her copying you is a rather clumsy way of addressing this. On this occasion, I might just see if I could change the dress - even if just for a different colour. If there is a future occasion when the same situation could occur, I might be inclined to offer to help her choose something that suits her. I don't think I'd bother too much about the suit - afaiac, a suit is a suit. Maybe a different coloured shirt and tie, but otherwise I wouldn't go any further than that.

Accessorise, darling!

Laiste

That's made me laugh

My granny has a bonkers friend who always does the weirdest Christmas gifts. A few years ago she knitted my auntie a brown waistcoat

Fishface put it really well