About MIL copying me?

[redangryemoji]

Just to clarify- this is not a MIL bashing thread. We get on really well and she is a lovely kind woman. But....

She has form for copying me which doesn’t generally bother me but this time I’m really pissed off.

We have a family wedding coming up next month. DP needed a new suit so he went out and got himself one. 2 weeks later MIL and FIL also go and get a new suit. As she’s showing me I notice it’s exactly the same suit that DP got. She laughs and says ‘Yes but FIL’s suit is slim fit not skinny fit like the one xxxx got.’ Still it’s the same colour, brand and style so is the same suit in my opinion. He’s also got the same style shoes to go with it and the same colour shirt to wear with it. DP was a bit annoyed as they will be dressed pretty much the same.

Fast forward a few weeks and MIL asked me what I’m planning on wearing to the wedding. I show her the dress that I’ve got (navy lace) and the nude shoes and bag to wear with it. She said ‘that’s nice’ and not much else. A couple of days later she said ‘I think I’m going to look for a navy lace dress to wear to the wedding’. I was a bit but thought no more if it.

Today she’s sent me a picture of the dress, shoes and bag that she’s got and it is pretty much identical to mine. The whole bloody lot of it!

Why? Why? Why? Does she not realise we are going to look like a load of twats all wearing the same thing? I mentioned it to DP but he became quite defensive saying if it bothers me that much I should change my dress. AIBU to be so pissed off about it or should I just take it as a complement?
Also I’m now debating changing my dress and not ever telling her anything again but I absolutely love it and will struggle to find anything else I like quite as much.

@redangryemoji be canny.

From your OP it sounds like something that can be managed and worth it as you have a good relationship.

I honestly can't find it in me to bash your DH, what reasonable DH would involve himself in his two most precious women's wardrobe issues? Though he could have a word with his mum & gently mention that it's a HUGE faux pas to wear identical outfits knowingly & gently tell you not to show her your fabulous taste in clothes because his mum won't be able to see anything else.

You got this. It needn't be LTB material.

OP, I shouldn't laugh but I can't help it.
I could have written your post.
My DM regularly copies my clothes, perfume, hairstyles, even jewellery. Nothing is off limits.
I'm now an expert liar and I buy a lot of stuff Out Of Town, in obscure places that I know she can't get to.
It's a hassle, but desperate times call for desperate measures

@KinkyAfro I was hoping she’d reply and say she’d change hers because she knows how much I like mine. Although she’s now replied saying that I’m being silly and hers is not as lacy as mine

Just wear what you were going to with the addition of a label (you can get one for each of you) "Team redangryemoji"

Just wear what you were going to with the addition of a label (you can get one for each of you) "Team redangryemoji"
I would rather wear 3050 live cats regina

Warmer as well (don't know how I managed to double up my previous post - sorry about that filks!)

I'm puzzled why you show her everything you buy! Very strange! Just say 'I haven't decided yet' when she asks you

Mine used to copy my hair!! I then started booking my appointments after she had hers done! Don’t show her or tell her anything that will do the trick

You are over involved in the minutiae of eachothers lives. I'd take a step back. Don't tell her what you have bought /seen at the shoos/intend to buy.

Annoying but quite sweet too. She obv values your opinion a huge amount and is (secretly) seeking your approval. Next time take her shopping first then go shopping for yourself.

@2014newme We are generally quite close and enjoy talking about clothes, make up etc. She often asks me where I’ve got things from. It’s my own fault for sharing the details with her. I do try and give her the benefit of the doubt and think ‘she can’t copy again surely?!’ I’m going to take a step back like others have suggested.

@FinallyDecidedOnUserName I agree. It doesn’t notmaly bother me this much but she knew how much I loved my dress and I have barely any time to throw something else together.

Any suggestions or links for a new dress?

Just wear it. Maybe pay and get your hair done professionally but don't tell her!

Next time I’m going to keep quiet.

Be prepared for next time. Spend a few minutes online looking at shops easily accessible to MiL (Next, M&S, whatever). Choose a couple of things you wouldn't wear if they paid you a king's ransom. Then gush about them to her, how excited you are and looking forward to getting them.

When she's bought them, tell her you saw something nicer and changed your mind.

I'd text back and say you wearing the dress is out of the question. Say I'd hate people to compare you unkindly mil to me.
I'm a bit of a cow at times though so that may not be good advice.

Is it only me that thinks this is creepy and actually quite bloody nasty of her?

@Supermagicsmile Already booked myself in for hair and make up and most definitely not telling her!

Give us some details

What size height shape are you?

What coloring/fav colors do like

What shape are you after

Let's face it, she's gotta be min 25 years older than you.....

My ex boyfriend's mum was like this with me - had to get everything I got.

It was when she copied my brand new car, trading theirs in so she could get the same (distinctive) model in the same (bright red) colour that I became incredibly freaked out. I could cope with her ripping off my latest top or eyeshadow palette but...

Thankfully I then broke up with him.

Yes I'd find that weird!! Don't show them clothes ahead of time in future?
Can be cagey: it's a surprise or haven't decided yet or blunt, oh I'm keeping this a secret so I'm the only one there wearing it.
Could you also offer to go shopping and help her choose something that suits her? Maybe she lacks confidence?

@Maelstrop at the outer edges of possibilities I can see your reckoning, but I err on the side of the OP having an otherwise good relationship with her MIL so on balance, in this situation, a proportionate response would be I disagree.

But I base this on my good relationship with my late MIL (we were close before she became 'late') so you WNBU to base your opinion on bad experience.

Going purely on what the OP has said, I think it would be taking things a little far to say MIL was creepy and nasty!

Although she’s now replied saying that I’m being silly and hers is not as lacy as mine

I would reply saying “they are almost identical. Plus you have gone for near identical accessories. I am now going to have to change what I wear.”

People can blah on about it being the sincerest form of flattery all they like but it would seriously piss me off. Don’t tell her a single thing about what you are going to wear ever again. When you see her, make sure you wear old stuff she has seen before. Keep your lovely dress - have you got something else you can wear?

If you want some dress options, I really like Chi Chi for wedding-appropriate dresses:
www.chichiclothing.com/categories/Dresses/Wedding-Guest-Dresses/