To be fucked off with MiL's entitled attitude towards my kids?

[Neverwasapancakegi7l]

She's getting on my nerves.
She sees them twice a week. A full weekend day and I see her a day in the week with my toddler and she sees my other dc for a couple of hours after school too.

She has announced it isn't enough. apparently they are 'as much her children' and she wants them twice a month overnight too. It is fucking ridiculous. We are already contracted in to one day at the weekend for ever more and now apparently she wants two full weekends. They don't stop with my parents either, just for reference. So it isn't that it's unfair and she's losing out.
I'm so fed up. They aren't her kids however much she wishes otherwise and I'm not getting into some permanent arrangement where I don't see them two weekends a month. More to the point they don't want to go. Dc2 is only one and dc1 doesn't want to stop overnight.

Why are people like this? I used to see my grandparents every other weekend, particularly when I got older and started school and other things came up. To my knowledge they never moaned about it.

More MIL bashing. And the cycle continues.

My mil was batshit and wanted to be mummy as well until my sil had twins and a new baby in 18 months mil doesn't have time to be demanding with DD it's heaven as there's now 4 grandchildren

lillyo occasionally by mistake I’ll say to DGD, “give that to Mummy please”. I always correct myself and say “give it to Grandma”. It’s my DDs place to be called Mummy. And only hers. I’m happy to be Grandma and just don’t get DMs/DMILs thinking that it’s their right to be Mummy too. Just wrong. Must have been a relief when your SIL had DC :)

lillyo occasionally by mistake I’ll say to DGD, “give that to Mummy please”

Not quite sure how you can make that mistake - surely it's been a while since you've had a tot...

Just say no. Also, there are no days that are 'her' days, you may have chosen to spend those with her but it doesn't contract you into anything.

They aren’t here children she had hers they are you children you shouldn’t feel pressured into having your children stay over at hers she’s capable of visiting you if she feels that a weekend and a week day aren’t enough though I think that’s beyond enough time for her to see them

I’d get your DH to say something if your both working maybe explain that whilst it’s nice that the DC get to grow up with Nanny in their lives and appreciate the help occasionally if you both want a meal out or have an event on and need children babysat however you also enjoy quality family time alone with DC and one another when you aren’t both at work so her wanting more time just isn’t do able

My DM did the smart thing when she finished working, she found a craft activity that DD wanted to do and offered to take her each week, including taking up the craft herself.

10 years on, DD still spends one evening a week with her, with no teenage resentment, actively looks forward to it. She also voluntarily gives up a full day each week of her school holidays to do it too.

Grandma gets genuinely pleasant time with DGD, no resentment from me or DH and also has something to fill her time with.

Tell her if she wants her own child again then to bloody adopt one. She'll have them full time !

I remember MIL insisting she see dd one day a week, which I eventually agreed to. Luckily, MIL usually forgot so it happened for a few weeks in a row and then stopped, and then it would start again for a couple of weeks and stopped and after the second or third try, I happily went back to just doing the usual stuff with dd that I did on that day.

Some months on, just after Xmas, MIL rang and said “I do hope you allow me to see a bit more of dd in the new year” as if I actually stopped her. All the weeks/months she was forgetting to have dd on her chosen-by-her day, she was still popping in whenever the hell she felt like it - 2 or 3 times a week, quizzing me about how much my mum had seen of dd (less than MIL).

Drove me mental.

Just say “no, not this week.”, then move on.

Oh god nip this in the bud now, I've had similar issues with my mil and it ended up with us not speaking for months, basically since Christmas last year. My in laws (mil impartiality) ruined our first Christmas with our daughter over their entitlement to see her.

I really feel for you and the whole trying to take up any family time you might have together. We now have a strained relationship and they see us once every 2 months (they live 10min drive away).

You need to put your foot down though and sort it out now or it'll snowball!

Tell her if she wants her own child again then to bloody adopt one. She'll have them full time !

That's not particularly funny you know.

I’d stop the two days a week straightaway and just mix it up a bit, sometimes you’re free in the week, sometimes you’re seeing friends. And same with weekends, visit every other week maybe and go away some weekends (even with a toddler, just get away- far away!). It’s not fair on you to not have relaxed time as an immediate family together if you have to keep seeing MIL. Then, when you’re out of the routine, it makes it more enjoyable (hopefully!) to see her.

Nope the kids are not hers. They are half her sons. She has no right to make demands.

*lillyo occasionally by mistake I’ll say to DGD, “give that to Mummy please”

Not quite sure how you can make that mistake - surely it's been a while since you've had a tot*

I often tell DS to “let go of Mum’s hair... I mean Grandma’s hair”. My Mum is still Mum to me, not Grandma!

I expect PP is used to thinking of herself as Mummy too, and not as Granny. As long as she corrects herself, NBD.

Oops, Bold fail. Hope it’s clear what’s a quote and what isn’t.

Vladimirs If the OP is giving us a realistic version then she has a very intrusive and confused MIL. Clearly on AIBU you aren't likely to get paeans of praise for lovely, helpful, wise MILs or DHs or DPs - just the difficult ones or ones where people can't cope with them. FWIW one DIL got roasted on here the other day for complaining about a MIL's misplaced generosity ....

Why on earth are you agreeing to all this-what's the matter with you?!

If she's supposed to have them tomorrow just text her right now and say 'hi MIL just to let you know the kids won't be round tomorrow, we have a Halloween party! Will send pics of outfits '

*lillyo occasionally by mistake I’ll say to DGD, “give that to Mummy please”

Not quite sure how you can make that mistake - surely it's been a while since you've had a tot...*

I think it is quite an easy mistake to make if you are a mother yourself as it is so ingrained in most people to speak about themselves in the third person to young children. Even if your own children are all grown up, I would think. I regularly have to correct myself with my nieces and nephews as 'Mummy' slips out so easily. I also hear my sisters doing it with my children.

Wanting a grandchild to call you 'Mummy' as a rule, though, is rather strange...

Just say no.

You don't "have" to go anywhere.

There is no "contract".

People - including your MIL - only have as much control as you allow them.

I suspect you have put up with it so far because you don't want to rock the boat and deal with the fallout. But if you don't put boundaries in place then things will simply carry on as they are.

Where's the OP gone?!?! Anyone else worried?

Anyone else worried? About what?

About if the OP is OK! She said she'd be back but that was ages ago.

Just wondering if she's tried to talk to MIL/DH and it isn't going well.