Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Male postnatal depression

333 replies

Foxysoxy01 · 25/10/2017 10:52

Just caught a bit of This Morning with my coffee and they are talking about male postnatal depression.

Now I understand it is a massive change to both parents with a new baby and can quite believe that it could cause stress and worry, even depression for the non birthing partner but why would it have to be postnatal depression which feels more female and is a term used for women who have given birth?

The thing I have an issue with (maybe I'm an unreasonable cynical cow) does it not seem another thing that men have to take away from women?
It feels a little bit like taking away a real horrible issue that women who have given birth sometimes face and making it all about men again and how very hard they have it.

My AIBU is I'm I being a real in empathetic bitch or is this just another case of men having to take over women's experiences and issues? Or is it just a word I'm getting hung up on and technically it is actually correct that they may have postnatal depression?

OP posts:
Ichthyosaur · 26/10/2017 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rachie1973 · 26/10/2017 10:33

I wouldn't say I'm 'anti men', I actually like men, one in particular A LOT lol.

However, I do think using 'PND' for all genders is a little cloudy.

I absolutely accept the change in their life following the birth of a child can cause depression in a father. My own (ex) H struggled dreadfully with the changes inflicted on his lifestyle.

I struggled with awful PND after 3 of my 4 though, and my treatment was very different from my partners.

I think by giving a blanket diagnosis (name) we're looking at giving a blanket treatment and I think that could be entirely problematic.

MayFayner · 26/10/2017 10:35

Wow, I'm sorry I've annoyed you so much, i genuinely haven't meant to.

I just feel that you will pick at anything I say now and, given that I didn't make those comments, I don't really want to have to defend them.

I've never stood beside, or been, a bully in my life. I am learning to stand up for myself though.

Bye.

Morphene · 26/10/2017 10:36

ifyou the rate of male depression due to dropping out of their career and becoming a baby wrangler is increasing as more men become primary carers and SAHDs.

It isn't the case that men are not experiencing the loss of work in their lives anymore.

PumpkinSquash · 26/10/2017 10:38

Ugh. A certain attitude and poster on this thread is absolutely foul and poisonous. (Not ichtyosaur
Instead of "us and them" (novel concept for some, I know) but how about we all help each other when we need it instead of quibbling over semantics of names and accusing men of taking depression away from women Confused Hmm
This place gets crazier.

messyjessy17 · 26/10/2017 10:45

but how about we all help each other when we need it instead of quibbling over semantics of names and accusing men of taking depression away from women

yes lets help each other by not pretending that men have given birth.

Fortunately in the real world men do not actually pretend to have pnd, it's only on here that very odd people are shouting about mens rights to have womens illnesses.

Eryri1981 · 26/10/2017 10:49

My interpretation of the language is that "Partum" can only be used in relation to the women who has actually given birth, ie Post partum Haemorrhage, is NEVER going to be applicable to a male. Therefore "post partum depression" should never be used to describe males symptoms.

"Natal" on the other hand relates to the event of the birth, so a pedant could I guess say it applies to anyone who might have been effected by the birth. However, if as a health professional I attended a traumatic birth I would never in a million years claim to have Post natal Depression, PTSD possibly, which would be fair enough in some circumstances.

But since Post Natal and post partum depression have been used interchangeably for so long, I really think it would be more appropriate to coin a new phrase for male mental distress after becoming a new parent...I think PP suggested Paternal Depression. It certainly doesn't downplay there distress, but makes a clear distinction between conditions of very different aetiology.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/10/2017 10:57

may

Hasnt ben unpleasant at all in her retorts to ich

ich is distorting what happened on the thread for some reason

MayFayner · 26/10/2017 10:58

Actually ichthy, I've just read your post from 10.31 again and it's really weird.

Why are you so concerned about the interaction I had with that particular poster? I don't recall ever "showing her", what are you referring to?

Saying that comments aren't deletion-worthy doesn't mean I agree with them, or secretly agree with them. I'm hardly to cowardly to say what I think! I've said exactly what I think throughout this thread.

There's something funny here.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/10/2017 10:59

ery

It must be very distressing for both the man and woman in a relationship if the dad has depression following the birth of their baby

I think it should be more 'advertised' that this can happen to men, my babies were a long time ago but I certainly wasnt made aware

MayFayner · 26/10/2017 11:00

Oh x-post rufus , thanks.

Ichthyosaur · 26/10/2017 11:18

Not sure what's funny. I'm not sure why you think there is or what you're alluding to.

There are many people on this thread who seem extremely unpleasant. Perhaps I've confused some of them. They all merge into one horrible blob. Perhaps it wasn't you. I don't have the inclination to read 160+ posts again but sorry if I confused myself.

I think it's cowardly to not denounce someone else who is being awful and I think suggestions that "most men" fake depression to rape their wives is disablist, sexist and disgusting. One of the nastiest I've read for a while. It's stuck with me ever since I've read it. I often consider MN to be a parallel universe but I've kept mulling this one over as well as the fact MN think it's fine to remain.

"Our silence when you see something wrong is condoning the behavior."

I think that this sentence is indicative of so much that's wrong. As someone else said, I think if there are any MRAs, they're pretending to be feminists here to rile others.

MayFayner · 26/10/2017 11:28

I did denounce them, I said I don't agree with them and that's as much airtime as I'm willing to give those sorts of views.

PumpkinSquash · 26/10/2017 11:31

Perhaps I've confused some of them. They all merge into one horrible blob

very true. There's a couple of others too. "Pretending to have illnesses" - it's depression after a baby whichever name you want to give it FFS.

EddChinasMangina · 26/10/2017 11:34

I have post natal depression. My husband also has depression which mainly began after I gave birth. Am I upset that he has post natal depression? Am I fuck. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t actually give birth, he is suffering from exactly the same condition as I am. I’m glad I’m not married to some of you on here.

MayFayner · 26/10/2017 11:37

Well, posters who dole out personal attacks when they don't know whether they're addressing the right person are merging into a horrible blob too, pumpkin.

borntobequiet · 26/10/2017 11:40

Unless your husband gave birth to the baby himself, or you are suffering from depression that is not post partum depression, you are not both suffering from the exact same thing.
Whatever the cause it must be very difficult for you and I hope you both receive appropriate treatment and feel better soon.

Ichthyosaur · 26/10/2017 11:42

@MayFayner

Quickly found with ctrl+f (not going to read it all again for context)

"as a random on the internet, I don't give a fuck what you think."

"you claim to have medical knowledge."

I think I'd have ignored her rahter than use those two replies.

PumpkinSquash · 26/10/2017 11:43

mayfayner just read back and you've definitely been doing a fair share of bile spilling yourself.

MayFayner · 26/10/2017 11:45

But why do you care ichthy!

I was responding directly to things she said to me. Should I go and copy and past where you called people "cunts" etc? What's your point?

PumpkinSquash · 26/10/2017 11:46

It doesn’t matter that he didn’t actually give birth, he is suffering from exactly the same condition as I am. I’m glad I’m not married to some of you on here.

Agreed, it's awful on here lately. Thank goodness there''s actually nice, compassionate posters on this thread and not just the hate filled ones that there's been of late on others.

MayFayner · 26/10/2017 11:46

pumpkin yes sure, and I take responsibility for my own posts.

I'm not going to defend views other than my own though, which is what ichthy wanted me to do.

Ichthyosaur · 26/10/2017 11:49

Why do I care?

"Our silence when you see something wrong is condoning the behavior."

I said it at 11:18. I'm not a coward. I think there have been some horrible people responding to this thread and I've tried to call them out. Perhaps reason with or at least ask valid questions to understand their mindset.

I haven't directly called anyone a cunt. I said that it's what happens to arseholes when they get anonimity. The "etc" is misleading as it implies there's been more.

Have you noticed I've directly replied to every question you've asked?

PumpkinSquash · 26/10/2017 11:51

This is just another way to minimise women's experiences.

"banging on about and claiming to have medical experience" to someone who said they have personal experience of suffering depression."

Yeah, you and messy just as bad as each other tbh.

messyjessy17 · 26/10/2017 11:59

Don't drag me into your barney Hmm