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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman on bus got people to move for her toddler

363 replies

questioning1 · 25/10/2017 10:04

Not sure whether AIBU or not. Was on the rush hour bus this morning (in London) sitting on one of those raised high up seats at the very front of the bus.

A lady with a baby in a pram and a toddler (maybe 3?) got on the bus. She walked down the aisle past me and parked her pram, and said to the bus at large, 'Can someone move for my son please?'

I was always brought up to think that children make room for adults - for example they give up a seat for someone, not the other way round. Anyway a few mins later I turned around again and the woman was sitting in a priority seat with her son on her lap!

AIBU to think that 1) she shouldn't have asked for a seat for her son and 2) she shouldn't have sat in a priority seat herself once it had been vacated?

She then got off two stops later! I'm genuinely not sure if it's just me or not.

OP posts:
abbsisspartacus · 25/10/2017 10:36

My youngest sits in the newspaper rack or in with the bags if there is no room

On the train with teen dd and her younger sibs we were first offered a single seat which the younger two shared then a double seat for them people on trains are usually better than my local bus service 😂

wornoutboots · 25/10/2017 10:37

when Iwas a kid we were told to stand up for the elderly etc, or sit on mam's lap or 2 of us in a seat so adults could sit down, yes...

BUT
when I was a toddler, when we got on a full or almost full bus, there would be an automatic response from the other passengers "let me hold the baby for you while you get sorted, love", "awww not enough room, tell you what I'll have one of them on my lap next to you here so you can have the other one"

these days I'd be scared to make that offer (assuming I wasn't with my 3 small kids) for fear of being accused of something.

Not sure what the answer is, but back then those too small to stand were seated on someone's lap, even if they were total strangers.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 25/10/2017 10:40

Children are not second class citizens.

Sadly to some they are, and dreadfully entitled too.

I mean what's more entitled? An able bodied adult expecting a less able person to give up their seat or the less able person automatically giving up their seat for the abled bodied adult? Becasue that's what we're talking about, a person, yes a younger person but still a person.

HaHaHmm · 25/10/2017 10:41

YABU.

How often are posters on MN encouraged to be assertive? This woman did exactly that and was perfectly polite whilst wrangling two small children on a packed London bus. Frankly she deserves a frigging medal.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 25/10/2017 10:43

The paying argument is bullshit too. Firstly you dont actually pay for a seat on a bus and secondly the people most in need of a seat will very often not be paying. Do people stand over them and demand their seat because they've paid for it?

BlondeB83 · 25/10/2017 10:44

I would give up my seat for a toddler as they’re likely to get hurt if the bus does any sudden movements.

MinervaSaidThar · 25/10/2017 10:48

But the priority seats are for those less able to stand, like a parent with a small child.

Is it just seeing a woman assert herself to get what she needs that bothers, you OP?

ibentmywookie · 25/10/2017 10:48

I suppose it all comes down to tone doesn't it? If she was a bit 'assertive' in manner, then I can understand you bristling a bit, but then again, travelling on public transport in London with two small children isn't the easiest task - I've certainly had a few barnies on buses with obstructive or selfish passengers.

I don't tend give up my seat to older children (8 or so up), but I certainly would offer it to a three year old. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I find that people often offer my almost three year old a seat on the bus or tube without even being asked.

You need to look at the priority seat signs a little more closely, people with small children are included. It's common sense when you consider that three year olds aren't great at holding on and remaining upright when a bus brakes hard.

I also think that, particularly as you have a baby and toddler yourself, it might be a good idea to judge other mothers a little less and try to empathise more. I was always taught to offer my seat up to anyone who looked like they needed it more, whether they be elderly, infirm, very young, or just a bit knackered, and it's stood me in pretty good stead.

MrsOverTheRoad · 25/10/2017 10:49

Back in the day, she would have stood and an older lady would have had the toddler on her lap. I remember sitting on random older ladies' laps as a small child.

Nobody would do that now.

Pengggwn · 25/10/2017 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamabear3017 · 25/10/2017 10:56

Children are the future working generation.....cut them some slack.

My son is a human like me, I expect him to be treated exactly how I would (within reason of course). At 3, I would expect him to take a seat over a fully able adult.

Buses are dangerous for adults, god knows the damage/dangers to a child should a bus ever suddenly break.

I passed my test solely because I can't bear to take my son on a bus.

2014newme · 25/10/2017 10:56

Just can't understand why the op would be Sat fuming about this and then post about it. Woman sits in priority seat with toddler on knee and baby in buggy is hardly outrageous behaviour. Op must live a very charmed life if this horrified her.

timeisnotaline · 25/10/2017 10:56

It's a toddler! She was being perfectly reasonable. And of course they sat on their mums lap, they are more secure and better behaved. Can the op not see the difference between a ten year old and a 3 year old who would go flying if the bus bumped (which they do all the time). I assume the op wouldn't expect a 6 month old to jump up and hang onto a rail for support, but its hard to tell.

HornyTortoise · 25/10/2017 10:58

Don't see the issue at all. I would argue that a small child is less able to stand than most adults.

DSC will stand if there are no seats for adults. But the youngest is 11 and honestly, I always find it quite sad that everyone turns round to glare at them, rather than offering their own seat, even when the kids are near the back of the bus...maybe my area is just more 'anti-child' than others

Pengggwn · 25/10/2017 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Misspollyhadadollie · 25/10/2017 11:05

I actually think the majority of people IRL agree with the op since I'm never offered a seat for my 3 year old when we get the bus. Mind you I'm not even offered a seat when I take the baby out in a sling! I got on the bus the other day and a woman and her two kids infront of me jumped straight into the four priorities seats at the from 2 for her kids one for her and her bags!! Whilst I stood with baby in a sling shopping bags and a dolls house! And some busy body on the bus told me I should "look after my child" as said 3 year old was wobbling around. Like I could hold his hand aswell! Wasn't even holding on myself.

RhiannonOHara · 25/10/2017 11:07

Well, they didn't move for the toddler, they moved for her, and she sat the kid in her lap, which is OK by me –a small child needs to be secured in some way on a bus. I am always Hmm though if a toddler is sitting on a seat on their own while adults stand.

It's not good form to take a priority seat though. On the other hand, it's a bit sad that the only person who could be arsed to move was the person who had been in the priority seat, and was perhaps less able to stand than all those who DIDN'T give up their seats for this woman.

HornyTortoise · 25/10/2017 11:11

You don't really think someone should give up their seat for your 11 year old, do you? You don't really think someone should give up their seat for your 11 year old, do you?

I think you misunderstood me. When the kids are sat near the back and the bus is full (or even nearly full) others on the bus start glaring round at them as soon as someone gets on. Kind of like to say..well you are younger than me, get up in advance (which has the added problem of those less able to stand having to actually get right to the back of the bus)

BertrandRussell · 25/10/2017 11:12

You expect adults to stand for an 11 year old???

HornyTortoise · 25/10/2017 11:16

Clearly not explaining myself well at all. I don't mind them having to stand, and indeed they offer anyway. I simply find it kind of sad that on a full bus, the other adults (hell some probably not that much older than the 11 year old) will instead of offering their own seat to an elderly person, turn to glare at DSC11. Or glare at another child/young person on the bus.

Judydreamsofhorses · 25/10/2017 11:17

On the bus here children under five travel free, but they are not expected to occupy a seat that a paying passenger needs. I would have got up if asked, but I wouldn’t automatically offer my seat to a person with a small child. I would get up without question for an older person or someone with crutches or a stick. (There’s also a bit of an unwritten rule here that people tend to stand rather than sit in the priority seats if they are not “priority”.)

haveagobletofblood · 25/10/2017 11:18

I do think children should yield to adults but when they're older, like 10+. 3 is a bit young for that Confused

SoupDragon · 25/10/2017 11:21

If I've paid for my seat I'm sitting on it!!

You haven't paid for a seat, you have paid for the journey.

formerbabe · 25/10/2017 11:21

I do think children should yield to adults but when they're older, like 10+

Why? Presuming the adult isn't elderly or disabled, why should a child offer their seat to an able bodied adult?

SoupDragon · 25/10/2017 11:23

This is what the priority seats are for anyway.

Woman on bus got people to move for her toddler