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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman on bus got people to move for her toddler

363 replies

questioning1 · 25/10/2017 10:04

Not sure whether AIBU or not. Was on the rush hour bus this morning (in London) sitting on one of those raised high up seats at the very front of the bus.

A lady with a baby in a pram and a toddler (maybe 3?) got on the bus. She walked down the aisle past me and parked her pram, and said to the bus at large, 'Can someone move for my son please?'

I was always brought up to think that children make room for adults - for example they give up a seat for someone, not the other way round. Anyway a few mins later I turned around again and the woman was sitting in a priority seat with her son on her lap!

AIBU to think that 1) she shouldn't have asked for a seat for her son and 2) she shouldn't have sat in a priority seat herself once it had been vacated?

She then got off two stops later! I'm genuinely not sure if it's just me or not.

OP posts:
Chocolaterainbows · 25/10/2017 10:22

My bad!! Will learn to pay more attention next time Sad

Findingdotty · 25/10/2017 10:22

Yes the toddler should have a seat for safety reasons. They can't hold on tightly enough and also don't understand why they need too so wouldn't bother holding tightly.

She shouldn't have need to ask out loud. It's a poor reflection on society that she had to and that you have to ask why the child needed a seat.

Original poster
questioning1 · 25/10/2017 10:22

Well - having said I understand I was being unreasonable I can see I will be getting attacked all day regardless, so I'll be checking out now.

Enjoy yourselves!

OP posts:
Seeyamonday · 25/10/2017 10:23

Also on our buses it states "children under the age of 5 travel free on the understanding that they do not take up a seat which could be used for a paying customer".

Jux · 25/10/2017 10:23

With dd, I would hold on straddling her, with her holding on too. I would kind of swing myself round a bit so when she swayed she swayed into me. If the bus is busy, all the better, more bodies holding everyone in place.

BananasAreGood · 25/10/2017 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StepAwayFromCake · 25/10/2017 10:24

I thought you were going to say that she expected a passenger to give up their seat for the toddler to sit next to her. Which would have BVU. But for her to sit with the toddler on her lap is not just Reasonable, but also the only logical thing to do.

When my dc were little I took them on my lap to free a seat, if necessary. If they were too big for my lap, but too little to keep their balance on the move no bus or tube, I stood while they sat. Now they are big enough to stand alone, I make sure that they stand if someone less able than them needs a seat. Which includes mums with young dc.

Jux · 25/10/2017 10:24

Toddlers learn to hold on tightly on the first bus ride.

Kentnurse2015 · 25/10/2017 10:24

I take my 3 year old and baby on the bus all the time. I use a buggy for the baby (obviously if there is space, I don't get on or move if there is a wheelchair), and the toddler will sit on my knee if there is a seat for us.

One particular occasion I was in a priority seat with toddler on my lap when a very frail gentleman got on. Not one other person in the priority seating moved for this gentleman so I did and then had to contend with the toddler standing on quite an unsteady bus. No one offered to help while we were standing. That kind of thing makes me sad about society. I'm not 'entitled' but why make people's life just the little bit harder if it's not necessary

formerbabe · 25/10/2017 10:24

Of course a woman with a toddler should be offered a seat. Really small children could easily fall over or go flying if the bus stops/starts suddenly. I'd always give my seat up for a young child. My youngest is 7 and people usually will offer their seat to us.

Spikeyball · 25/10/2017 10:25

Bus movement is unpredictable. Playground equipment isn't. Ds 12 with severe learning difficulties can manage playground equipment but he would fall over standing on a bus.

FlowerPot1234 · 25/10/2017 10:26

I always sit there in disbelief any time a parent with a child is sitting on a tube carriage, adults get on and the child does not get up to offer their seat.

I sit there in even more disbelief when adults get up out of their seat to give a child their seat.

Like you OP, I was brought up with good manners and strong respect - it should be the other way round. No, this woman should not have asked anybody to give up their seat for her child, she should have taken a seat when one became available, sat on it and put her child on her lap.

2014newme · 25/10/2017 10:26

This reply has been deleted

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Kentnurse2015 · 25/10/2017 10:26

@seeyamonday Pensioners travel for free too so they don't need a seat either?

mindutopia · 25/10/2017 10:26

I don't think that's unreasonable at all. Small children should sit down. They can't stand and hold on the way adults can (the holds are way above their heads anyway). And they could be seriously hurt if the bus stopped suddenly. I give my seats up voluntarily to parents and small children (assuming I'm not traveling with my own).

I once spent an hour on a crowded rush hour train into London (we had a 9:30am appt at a consulate for an appt for my dd's passport, so we had to travel at that time and we had to bring her, it takes about 3 months just to get the appt so we couldn't be picky). I literally held her for an hour screaming while standing and nearly in tears because every wanker businessman around me wanted to sit and play candy crush and ignore us. After that, I don't hesitate to give up my seat, so good for her for asking.

LongWavyHair · 25/10/2017 10:27

I think the op is surprised at the responses. I think she was hoping for some "Parents are sooooooooooo entitled innit" type responses.

Chocolaterainbows · 25/10/2017 10:27

But we don't live in an ideal world. There are plenty of things people should do, or that would be considered the right thing. That doesn't mean they'll do them though.

JonSnowsWife · 25/10/2017 10:28
RunningOutOfCharge · 25/10/2017 10:29

seeyamonday yes, it did do you ‘some harm’

Look at your attitude!!!

Op said the same.... ‘back in the day us kids stood,it did us no harm’

I see harm!!

Clandestino · 25/10/2017 10:31

A sudden movement or braking can send a three year old child flying. I would certainly give a toddler my seat as it's easier for me to stand for me than for a little child.

formerbabe · 25/10/2017 10:32

I always sit there in disbelief any time a parent with a child is sitting on a tube carriage, adults get on and the child does not get up to offer their seat

If an elderly or disabled person gets on, I'd expect someone to get up and offer their seat.

Why on earth should a child stand up for an able bodied adult?

If a bus/train is packed and a child is young enough to sit on their parents lap, then they should to free up a seat.

I honestly can't see why an able bodied adult would be more entitled to a seat than a child. I can't see what on earth it has to do with manners either.

We were on the tube and an elderly woman got on...my lovely ds immediately offered her his seat, without me prompting him. I don't see why he should do the same for anyone based solely on the fact that they're an adult and he's a child.

Children are not second class citizens.

2littlemoos · 25/10/2017 10:32

Respect elders? We're talking about toddlers...

And if people can remember offering their seats for adults as a child I think it is highly unlikely they were toddlers at the time so it's very different! Confused

And children swinging around at parks etc. is far different to a bus ride with unexpected lurches. I've seen adults fall on buses from lurches.

I am actually quite shocked at some of the responses tbh.

Pengggwn · 25/10/2017 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2littlemoos · 25/10/2017 10:33

Agree with formerbabe

2014newme · 25/10/2017 10:35

@Seeyamonday the toddler was on the lady's lap. The lady was a paying customer. So the toddler was not taking up a seat that a paying customer could have. The toddler didn't have their own seat.