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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman on bus got people to move for her toddler

363 replies

questioning1 · 25/10/2017 10:04

Not sure whether AIBU or not. Was on the rush hour bus this morning (in London) sitting on one of those raised high up seats at the very front of the bus.

A lady with a baby in a pram and a toddler (maybe 3?) got on the bus. She walked down the aisle past me and parked her pram, and said to the bus at large, 'Can someone move for my son please?'

I was always brought up to think that children make room for adults - for example they give up a seat for someone, not the other way round. Anyway a few mins later I turned around again and the woman was sitting in a priority seat with her son on her lap!

AIBU to think that 1) she shouldn't have asked for a seat for her son and 2) she shouldn't have sat in a priority seat herself once it had been vacated?

She then got off two stops later! I'm genuinely not sure if it's just me or not.

OP posts:
Ifartrainbowsandglitter · 25/10/2017 21:01

YABU. I would move out of my seat in a heartbeat for a toddler.

Mittens1969 · 25/10/2017 21:12

I don’t travel by bus now, I go by car everywhere with the DDs, but when I did I never expected children to give up their seats for me. It seems very entitled to me for adults to expect that.

RebelFreddyVSRogueJason · 25/10/2017 22:31

If kids standing for adult is a sign of respect does that mean that all the adults that offer (unprompted) my shock!horror! 5 yo DD a seat have no self respect?

SabineUndine · 25/10/2017 22:35

As a toddler I was expected to give up my seat for adults. As an adult I don’t expect to give up my seat for a toddler.

ShellyBoobs · 25/10/2017 22:36

YANBU

KalaLaka · 25/10/2017 22:46

The nicest experience I've had on a bus with children was a lovely older lady who just picked my daughter up and put her on her lap. Another lady followed suit and did the same with my other daughter. Just perfect.

OP YABU and it's such a shame.

Crumbs1 · 25/10/2017 22:53

I think around 8;and above children should be taught to offer seats to older adults as a courtesy. A toddler though isn’t very safe standing and it would be difficult for the mother with a prom as well. I think using a priority seat and popping the toddler on her knee was sensible and justified.

DeleteOrDecay · 25/10/2017 23:19

As an adult I don’t expect to give up my seat for a toddler.

Why? Is it because you see toddlers are inferior to you? Genuinely interested in the reasoning behind this because it just seems weird to me.

children should be taught to offer seats to older adults as a courtesy

Again why? I’m all for teaching children to offer seats to the disabled, pregnant or elderly. But why should a child who was there first feel obliged to give their seat up for another adult just because?

bakingaddict · 25/10/2017 23:26

Get over yourself......why can't you just do a decent thing and vacate a seat for somebody who might just need it a bit more than you whether that be someone elderly, pregnant, disabled or shock horror small kids who can't stand well. Surely that's the essence of manners

coconuttella · 25/10/2017 23:52

Like you OP, I was brought up with good manners and strong respect - it should be the other way round.

Thankfully we don’t live in a world of mindless deference that masquerades as genuine respect. If you need a 3 yo to stand up to make you feel respected as an adult you are pathetic.

Nikkibeak · 26/10/2017 00:34

To all of those saying they were brought up to respect Adults and to give up their seat etc well so to was I but I was also brought up in times where it was allowed to sit in the front of the car with no seatbelt (not that I did). Times change and often it has nothing to do with respect and more to do with safety. At preschool age I would like my DS to have a seat, once he started school I taught him to give up his seat for others in need. I too would always give up my seat to someone in need which could include a mum younger than me. It's about respect for your fellow people not respect only for your elders.

corythatwas · 26/10/2017 00:34

How many of you can actually remember what you were being asked to do as toddlers? I remember being told to stand for adults on buses, particularly if elderly or disabled, but like most of my memories those memories will be from age 4-5 onwards, not from the toddler stage.

From any age where I actually can remember, I also clearly remember being taught to look out for younger children who were less able to look out for themselves. All part and parcel of the same thing.

SuperPug · 26/10/2017 00:36

Maybe in that case.
Not in the case with one parent and toddler and the toddler is sprawled over several seats, with the parent on their phone or suggesting that it may be a good idea for them to move.

Mightybanhammer · 26/10/2017 08:54

I agree with you OP. Was on a rush hour train recently when a party of 30 kids crammed on, taking nearly all available seats. Elderly couple searching around and I was about to offer mine when they took last available seats.

Surely common sense dictates an elderly person falling has far more serious potential consequences than a kid. The whole child- centric thing is totally wrong in my view. No moment of discomfort ir hardship allowed for some special,snowflakes.

alarox · 26/10/2017 08:59

Thankfully we don’t live in a world of mindless deference that masquerades as genuine respect. If you need a 3 yo to stand up to make you feel respected as an adult you are pathetic.

Spot on.

NataliaOsipova · 26/10/2017 09:15

My experience of London public transport with small children? People are almost always incredibly kind and considerate. You get on the tube with kids? Someone - usually a young person - will always jump to his or her feet and insist the child sits down. Likewise, if my children both have seats and another parent gets on, I will sit one of my children on my knee, or get them to squidge up and share, so that that person's child can sit. If an elderly or disabled person gets on? Usually half the carriage stands, including me and including my older child. All I see - generally - is consideration for others, which is at the heart of good manners.

upperlimit · 26/10/2017 09:27

All I see - generally - is consideration for others, which is at the heart of good manners.

Yes. This is largely my experience too, although I am in the North East. I'm sure when some people go out of the house they scan specifically for minor bullshit to validate their pessimistic view of other humans.

frieda909 · 26/10/2017 09:36

I’m so glad you say that NataliaOsipova. I posted a thread a few months ago about getting offered a seat on the tube when I’m not pregnant, just an unfortunate body shape. So many fellow Londoners replied saying they couldn’t believe it because nobody ever offers a pregnant woman a seat on the tubes they take!

My experience is the same as yours. Often I try to offer my seat but someone else has already got there first. I wonder if I’m just lucky and have a particularly considerate bunch of commuters on my route? Or maybe there’s some confirmation bias going on, both ways!

Scaredycat3000 · 26/10/2017 09:57

That is my experience of living in London with small dc, helpful considerate people on every level. You help your fellow man with no judgement in London.Then we moved to the country, what a shock, the respect me because I'm older than you. It is not a nice place to live, I mean they actively and aggressively campaigned against making massive safety improvements to the playground.
OP YABU.

RebelFreddyVSRogueJason · 26/10/2017 10:03

I was raised to respect adults and I did, until i grew up a bit and realised that adults aren’t a homogeneous mass all worthy of respect. That adults can be wrong,twats,dicks,abusers,liars etc. Respect is earned,not inherited or something you simply get by being older.

ShellyBoobs · 26/10/2017 10:25

Like you OP, I was brought up with good manners and strong respect - it should be the other way round.

Spot on.

UnicornRainbowColours · 26/10/2017 10:34

YABU yesterday I had an extra toddler as a favour to my bosses friends. So that’s two 19 month old toddlers. I decided to go out with them and my charge is a really good walker so I put her in the buggy to rest so she could walk a little bit when we got there. I had to stand with the other toddler because not one person offered a seat and I’m not gonna ask.

Children, pregnant women and the elderly/disabled should always get priority.

GoingCrazy21 · 26/10/2017 10:51

Whoever said that the raised seats at the front are priority seats - they aren't! I just got off the bus and no signs saying so.

Vickster99 · 26/10/2017 11:01

Gosh OP, you are a horrible person IMO, why are you even thinking of the adults before the well being children? If you think that being respected means small children possibly being harmed for your sake you need your head examined.

As pointed out numerous times, small children cant really balance and hold on well on a bus. I've been in a London bus accident with my toddler, luckily they were seated so weren't seriously hurt but some other children on the bus that were standing were badly hurt.
Unfortunately a lot of London bus drivers drive like maniacs.

Similar situation on the tube, if its rush hour, I worry that young children standing can easily be crushed.

Fortunately, most Londoners are nice people and offer children a seat without being asked.

dorisdog · 27/10/2017 07:44

I always give my seat up for toddlers, babies and parent. Especially if they're also trying to wrestle a pram.

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