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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off that DD has spent a good 15 hours playing video games today?

322 replies

VerityMichaels · 25/10/2017 02:14

She’s still up now. Is 17 (18 in December).

It’s just annoying. She won’t roll out of bed until 11/12 tomorrow. She won’t go out with her friends (she is constantly getting messages off them and although texts them a lot, she says she “can’t be arsed to see them as she sees them every day at college” even though they have invited her to some really great places). She’s just so lazy.

Surely 15 hours (and counting) just isn’t healthy? She is working tomorrow evening, but from when she gets up at midday until 1 hour before she is due to start work, she will be playing it again.

Nightmare.

AIBU?

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 25/10/2017 12:27

Jaqueshammer so you sit around for 15 hours playing games without your kids seeing hmm

Gosh @Lethaldrizzle you seem easily confused. When my DD is with her father on a weekend I spend my time doing whatever I like. Given she isn't in the house I'm pretty happy that she won't be seeing......so yes, this weekend I intend to not move from the sofa and watch TV for 48 hours straight. Do I need to make it clearer still?

Youngest doesn't play she's 13, they were raised to understand that toys and playing games were for when you are children.

Man that's depressing

RealWomanOhYes · 25/10/2017 12:29

I think the word 'understand' needs to be replaced with 'believe' in that sentence.

gillybeanz · 25/10/2017 12:39

Why is it depressing that a 13 year old isn't into playing games?
She's too busy having a life to sit twiddling her thumbs, she just isn't interested and I'm proud that she doesn't waste her time.
It's each to their own, and she thinks those that twiddle thumbs for hour upon hour make boring people.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 25/10/2017 12:42

Why is it depressing that a 13 year old isn't into playing games?

You didn't say that. You said this:

Youngest doesn't play she's 13, they were raised to understand that toys and playing games were for when you are children.

I think it's that You raised them this way that's depressing. Thinking games are just for children. Or as in your followup post make for boring people. I find that idea very narrow minded and that is unbelievably depressing.

gamerchick · 25/10/2017 12:45

Turning into her mother then? Wink

To all the people who play computer games with their children, there's nothing wrong with that but surely you can tell there's a difference between playing for an hour then doing something else, compared with 15 hours sat in front of a screen. No one would willingly want their child to do that

Since the OP hasn’t come back to elaborate as far as I can tell it’s not an every day thing. It can’t be if her daughter is working and doing college.

My nearly 18 yr old works full time and if he wanted to take a free day and bash his xbox he’s free to do so as am I if an eagerly awaited game comes out. I tend not to control my adult/nearly adult kids free time

RealWomanOhYes · 25/10/2017 12:47

You don't actually twiddle your thumbs when gaming, you need them to use the thumbsticks.

JacquesHammer · 25/10/2017 12:49

She's too busy having a life to sit twiddling her thumbs, she just isn't interested and I'm proud that she doesn't waste her time.
It's each to their own, and she thinks those that twiddle thumbs for hour upon hour make boring people

I wouldn't be proud to have raised such a judgemental kid but hey, each to their own.

Playing games whether an adult or a child is a perfectly valid recreational activity

RealWomanOhYes · 25/10/2017 12:52

And agree Jacques, I'd wonder what I did wrong if my 13 yo was so judgy about others at such a young age.

MaisyPops · 25/10/2017 12:55

MaisyPops
It kinda was ridiculous though. As people hilariously pointed out with more straw man suggestions.
Except it isn't.

As I've said mutliple times, someone doing one thing for 15 hours and it affects any form of interaction beyond the activity bubble is potentially a sign of addiction.

So 15 hours at the gym, 15 hours drinking, 15 hours binge watching films alone etc are all in thr same category. The difference is that people get all judgey about gambling and then get defensive about bingewatching box sets and gaming because it would be a little awkward to have to acknowledge that it's not a healthy or normal thing to do.

People would have an issue if someone sat on online bingo sites and wouldn't be saying 'but they have chat room elements too so they are still interacting' because it sounds stupid. And yet the defence of sitting at a screen on a game is essentially the same 'but they talk to other players'.

If you (& others) want to seriously kid yourself that it's perfectly normal and healthy to sit playing games for 15 hours then that's fine but don't be surprised or defensive when people point out it's not normal or healthy.

gillybeanz · 25/10/2017 12:55

It's not judgy at all, she doesn't go on about it, if pushed this is her opinion.
If asked when younger if she wanted a games console for xmas she said no etc etc.
If it makes you feel better to judge my parenting than to think there goes a child who doesn't like gaming and finds gamers boring, well knock yourself out Grin

ImKait · 25/10/2017 13:00

MaisyPops

It is though. Just so you know.

I've already said I agree with you, 15 hours of anything straight isn't ideal. But this is a teenager, on half term, who is coping fine with College and has a job.

The 15 hours is a valid point. That gaming is comparable to drinking or gambling is ridiculous.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 25/10/2017 13:02

I used to do that when I was her age. I'm 34 now, couldnt do it now. Mainly because of my DD and then because I'd end up with eye burn and a headache. Still love my gaming though.

RealWomanOhYes · 25/10/2017 13:04

Just quite sad that she defines them as a person by their hobby and not their personality and what they are actually like, instead of just finding gaming boring.

MaisyPops · 25/10/2017 13:06

I wasn't comparing gaming in itself to gambling. I was saying that people would be quicker to have an issue if you swapped gaming for gambling and yet both involve 15 hours of shutting off from the worlds other than a screen.

Though to be fair now you mention it you probably could quite reasonably draw a comparison betwren the two as both are potentially addictive.

Gambling - in moderation can be a fun way to unwind eg go to bingo, do the lottery, odd trips to casinos wirh friends

Gaming - moderation can be a fun way to unwind

Gambling - when done regularly for excessive periods of time or at unusual times or in a way that reduces interaction outaide then the gambling it's a problem

Gaming - when done for excessive periods of time, til the early hours or in a way that reduces interaction then the gaming is a problem

JacquesHammer · 25/10/2017 13:06

If it makes you feel better to judge my parenting than to think there goes a child who doesn't like gaming and finds gamers boring, well knock yourself out

I just feel sad that she judges a person's worth on something so shallow.

Lethaldrizzle · 25/10/2017 13:12

Jaqueshammer - how would I know that you have split from father?! Hell yeah- you got the weekend off - you do what you like! But if sitting for 48 hours not moving much is your idea of fun then surely those kind of views infiltrate through to your kids? And that's fine - each to their own but I wouldn't want my kids sitting around for 48 hours and I wouldn't do it myself. I just can't help it. Maybe I got ants in my pants! I like moving too much and being outside and stuff like that.

gamerchick · 25/10/2017 13:15

Mothers are always over the moon when their daughters start to turn into them. Wink

My daughter isn’t a gamer, just isn’t interested much but she doesn’t judge people who do. She has to be one of the most unjudgemental people I’ve ever come across, definitely not like me. I’m proud of her for being her own person.

It all gravy really.

JacquesHammer · 25/10/2017 13:17

But if sitting for 48 hours not moving much is your idea of fun then surely those kind of views infiltrate through to your kids?

Not at all. We usually do tonnes together over the hols so they're my time to recuperate. She has swathes more energy than me Grin

gillybeanz · 25/10/2017 13:50

gamer

My dd only judges the gamers for being boring if they are, not because they own a console.
She has lost a lot of friends to gaming because they couldn't regulate and do other things like play in the park.
Her brothers both play occasionally, she doesn't find them boring as they find time to take her out and do things with her.
She'd find them boring and be upset if they were always playing and had no time for her.

letsdolunch321 · 25/10/2017 13:55

If you find this unacceptable you should ration her time playing the games, you may fill you can't do this as she is almost 18. I had this rule in my house until my kids moved out. Along with NO mobiles at the dinner table whilst eating.

Kursk · 25/10/2017 13:57

The most interesting thing for me on this thread is where do people find the time to play??

Work, gathering food, repairing stuff, General Maintanance, cleaning, cutting firewood. Our days are pretty packed.

MaisyPops · 25/10/2017 14:04

My dd only judges the gamers for being boring if they are, not because they own a console
That is my view too.
Owning a console and enjoying a game doesn't make someone boring.
Someone being obsessed with gaming and letting it drive or affect real life is what makes them dull.

Lethaldrizzle · 25/10/2017 14:06

Kursk your days sound cool. I'd like to cut my own fire wood!

ImKait · 25/10/2017 14:15

MaisyPops

Almost anything fits your formula. Most things are fine in moderation but aren't in excess.

You could easily apply it to reading or exercise and they don't have the connotations that binge drinking or gambling do.

Theresnonamesleft · 25/10/2017 14:16

I must be doing something wrong with my game playing. There’s games I play that I don’t even sit. When sitting I move more than I do if I was reading or binge watching tv.

Question for the parent of the 13 year old. What about board games, Lego, Drones, the science experiment ones, raspberry pi etc?

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