To be pissed off that DD has spent a good 15 hours playing video games today?

[VerityMichaels]

She’s still up now. Is 17 (18 in December).

It’s just annoying. She won’t roll out of bed until 11/12 tomorrow. She won’t go out with her friends (she is constantly getting messages off them and although texts them a lot, she says she “can’t be arsed to see them as she sees them every day at college” even though they have invited her to some really great places). She’s just so lazy.

Surely 15 hours (and counting) just isn’t healthy? She is working tomorrow evening, but from when she gets up at midday until 1 hour before she is due to start work, she will be playing it again.

Nightmare.

AIBU?

If, like me, you're a parent of teenagers, who grew up in the 70s and 80s when no-one had a computer or a phone and TV didn't start till 4pm and ended at 12, you'll be horrified by the way teenagers spend their time these days. It drives me round the twist. My DS is 17 and frequently spends all day on his PS2/computer and wouldn't get dressed if I didn't disconnect the wifi and push him into the bathroom.

But it is perfectly normal for them to act like this in 2017 when everyone is on screens virtually all of the time. He does have a P/T job and he does go to college (studying IT so spends all his time in front of a screen there too) an he's just passed his driving test and is out in my car with his friend taking the dog for a walk. So he does do other stuff occasionally.

Yes it seems as if he's wasting loads of time and of course there are peers of his who do loads of sport/study/volunteer/are never in, but at the end of the day he will have to work 5 days a week for the rest of his life in a year or two so I really can't begrudge him his laziness now.

Plus online gaming is brilliant for hand to eye co-ordination and makes you think really quickly.

If your DD is still the same at 23 perhaps get worried then. But now, cut her some slack.

Eh? So just because she goes to college/working, she can't or won't become more addicted?

Not at all what I am saying. I am saying that on the face of it OP's DD appears a well rounded individual and a one off session wouldn't be an immediate cause for alarm. If she was giving up work/college to game all the time then I agree I would be alarmed whatever the hobby

She’s 17, working and in college, it might not be how you would spend your free time but leave her be ffs.

Gaming for 15 hours is rather a long time but time does fly when you are having fun. I remember playing something called civilization or empires about 20 years ago and getting so engrossed that daylight was breaking before I went to bed but now well into my 40s I never play computer games! She clearly is not lazy as she has a job and is going to college! Sometime kids, teens or adults just want to do nothing but stare at a screen, sometimes you don't want to socialise because you are introverted or just not feeling up for it. i really don't think you should blow it out of proportion. If she did it everyday all year round then yes it might be an idea to have words.

On the point of addiction, the bigger problem is social media/mobile phone addiction which has been shown to be a major cause of anxiety, depression and other forms of mental illness. Gaming is actually a far smaller problem on the mental health front yet no one wants to give up their phones. I don't see parents demonstration a mobile free lifestyle!!

If she was giving up work/college to game all the time then I agree I would be alarmed whatever the hobby

And my point is that she doesn't have to give up working or college for it to be something to worry about. If you witnessed the students struggling to stay awake and even in one case, have a fit in my lesson due to this issue, you might take it a little more seriously.

Plenty of high functioning alcoholics and gamblers out there too...

I don't see parents demonstration a mobile free lifestyle!

Very true. Something I am guilty of doing too.

*Terrified!? Right..
Grown adults wirh a reasonable hobby think their professional life will be hindered if they admit to owning an x box?

As this thread shows, most people don't care that much if someone plays a game but if they are obsessive over it then maybe people will view it funny. How much yime must yhey spend doing it of they are actually ashamed to share what they do?*

People don't keep things to themselves just because they're ashamed.

*Today 17:13 Trying2bgd

Gaming is actually a far smaller problem on the mental health front yet no one wants to give up their phones. I don't see parents demonstration a mobile free lifestyle!!

Well probably the vast majority of people on this thread are doing so staring into a phone. To compare it to phones would make them hypocrites so it'll be carefully skirted around.

As for gaming causing depression.
There has been studies over a number of years that have shown gaming can help with depression and anxiety.

Also I didn't see the time in the op. The dd was gaming at 2.15am after 15 hours of playing. Sorry that is obsessive behavior.

If you witnessed the students struggling to stay awake

And again you're extrapolating. It's half term. OP made no suggestion it's affecting her schooling which again would be a cause for concern.

DD, aged 11, did nothing but watch movies/play on her PC/IPad the first day of half term because she needed a recharge. I genuinely see nothing to worry about as a one off.

That said I am from a games-centric household so maybe that's the difference.

I think this thread was a hand grenade job anyway. Couple of posts to get people riled then sit back and let it run. There seems to be a cycle of topics to pick.

And again you're extrapolating. It's half term. OP made no suggestion it's affecting her schooling which again would be a cause for concern.

And again, how many times do I have to write that I don't thing the OP's DD has a bad addiction based on the information given but see no harm in keeping an eye on her DD in case?

I'm just specifically responding to the points you are making regarding when it does become an issue to be worried about. And it's often a lot sooner than you and a lot of parents are assuming.

Is no one else wondering what game the DD was playing?

I don't see the problem. She's working and in college, it's up to her how she spends her free time.
Would it be better if she was out shopping for hours then?
Maybe she doesn't want to hang around the shops, or go to the pub?
If she wants to stay in and game in her free time then that's up to her.

And it's often a lot sooner than you and a lot of parents are assuming

I am 100% certain I am fully equipped with what knowledge I need to know when games do, if at all, become an issue

Yup me as well. As an added bonus I and others commenting can join the game in question and get to the bottom of said issue without them even noticing that’s what I’m doing.

Can’t see any downsides to that

@Wordsmith, I'm older than you and I remember being fascinated when Pong came in. Horrified by what my teen and young adults play? No, far from it. Interested, play together sometimes and often discuss strategy. Age has nothing to do with liking games and gaming together is a great connection.

Hang on, no computers in the 70’s and 80’s?
Apple 3 was made in 1980. Early Nintendo’s were made, Atari, Sinclair,
Commodore plus countless others.
No tv before 4. I must have dreamt telling my grandad what was happening during the football on a Saturday afternoon, kids tv iirc correctly started at 3:30.
prisoner cell block was on in the 70/80’s and used to be on after midnight. Remember running home to watch it after babysitting.

We had a commodore 64 as secondary aged kids in the 80s. My brother was on it all the time. I wasn't so fussed. He got 3 As in his A levels. I flunked mine. Too busy out drinking/ chatting to boys etc.

There's plenty of evidence that using computers particularly for long periods affects your ability to concentrate - being on screen gives you a "buzz" like coffee or a cigarette, but then these things are addictive too.

My DD is 17 and spends long periods on games; she was always interested in that sort of thing, went to technical college to study computing so its her hobby, and when she was unhappy at school it was a huge release for her. She's formed friendships on line, but the skills for friendships were always difficult for her even when she was pre-school and throughout primary, before she started gaming.

She is also a talented digital artist, she likes transient media and posts her work online (she's at art school now studying - digital media!) so its a huge part of her life; a life which is almost unrecognisable from the way I grew up. I don't think young people are particularly advantaged by all this, I'd hate to be a teenager now, and I don't think we know the full extent of the damage this is doing or the physiological changes, but it is something that can be researched - online!

Its not only young people who get hooked, I know i feel anxious if I can't get online, I write and work from home so I am on screen for hours at a time. I don't have all the answers - I make DD take breaks and insist she walks the dog and comes down for meals. When I go to bed, she has to, lights out, phone off. She doesn't have half term as her college operates on university terms but when she is off at home I insist she goes to bed by 2am, or earlier if I can manage it. She's not found a job yet so is often in bed all morning, I don't mind - again, something else well documented is that teenagers like to sleep and I remember getting up at 2pm on Sundays to have a roast dinner!

So OP is right to be concerned, but there are some things she can do to mitigate the effects. Choose your battles OP but regular breaks and coming into a family room, etc having a drink or meal, will all help. BTW a few years ago I used to fight with her about it and her defence was always "its normal!! Everyone does it!!" - well, everyone shouldn't, without any care or concern for their wellbeing.

Bloody hell. My dcs would be on for hours if I let them. I don't let them, even though it would make life easier for me.

Nothing during the week any more. Far easier to enforce. A couple of hours a day in holidays and weekends. Their behaviour is markedly worse after playing and they're silly and hyper - even football and car games.

When I used to allow it during the week, homework got rushed, they wouldn't read anything, go out in the garden etc. I'd hate the thought that in just a few years they'd be choosing to spend 15 hours a day on there. Feels like such a waste to me.

If, like me, you're a parent of teenagers, who grew up in the 70s and 80s when no-one had a computer or a phone and TV didn't start till 4pm and ended at 12, you'll be horrified by the way teenagers spend their time these days.

I grew up in the 80, I started gaming before I even started primary school. The Speccy, the C64, then the Amiga and the Megadrive. That was before I'd hit 10.

It stood me in good stead and shaped my life in an extremely positive way. Although I could have possibly got straight As instead of Bs at A-Level if I hadn't been so fixed on taking down Emerald and Ruby Weapon in FFVII...

This thread is depressing. If it’s a one off I don’t see the harm in your DD playing games for 15 hours. If knitting or painting was her hobby no one would bat an eyelid.

At 17, going to college whilst having a job I don’t think there is anything wrong with the girl in question doing this. I would prefer it to standing on a street corner swigging out a bottle and doing god knows what else.

Gaming is looked down upon on this corner of MN, plenty of examples are on this thread alone. If she were gaming for 15 hours every day, missing college and not holding down a job I would be concerned. But I can’t get worked up what is as far as we know one occasion.