To be pissed off that DD has spent a good 15 hours playing video games today?

[VerityMichaels]

She’s still up now. Is 17 (18 in December).

It’s just annoying. She won’t roll out of bed until 11/12 tomorrow. She won’t go out with her friends (she is constantly getting messages off them and although texts them a lot, she says she “can’t be arsed to see them as she sees them every day at college” even though they have invited her to some really great places). She’s just so lazy.

Surely 15 hours (and counting) just isn’t healthy? She is working tomorrow evening, but from when she gets up at midday until 1 hour before she is due to start work, she will be playing it again.

Nightmare.

AIBU?

If anyone wants to see what playing video games for 15 hours a day does to people, just read this post:

deepestdarkestperu
It’s only considered “not normal” by the MN collective because it’s a dreaded video game and as well all know, consoles are the work of the devil and nobody above age 12 should want to spend hours of their time playing video games

Fantasy. Paranoia. Make things up. Persecution complexes. Projection. Exaggeration.

Nice assumption @FlowerPot1234 but I don’t even own a games console

No projection from you there at all!

Caveat: I don't have children, so pinch of salt etc. (though I would be really interested to know how many of these posters have much younger children who they assume won't be doing this when they're older...)

As a teenager I never really understood why my mum minded me getting up at 11 or 12 if we had nothing planned as a family and so it wasn't affecting anyone else. I still don't. My husband is off work this week and I'm not - I imagine he might not get up until 10 or 11 today, and - given there's nothing he urgently needs to do for me, or no other way in which it particularly affects me - I can't imagine why I'd care? She's nearly an adult, if she wants to get up late and go to bed late during her holidays, why not? I assume she has to get up early for college and does so.

Similarly, if she gamed for 15 hours a day every day, was dropping out of college or giving up her job - sure, that's a problem, and a serious one. As a one off? Why police her leisure time? If she doesn't want to see her friends then perhaps there's a reason, but perhaps not. I've been known to cancel plans to go out because I just really need a night in my pyjamas doing nothing. As far as I can tell it hasn't yet turned me into an antisocial misfit!

I just genuinely can't see why it annoys you. If how you chose to spend your leisure time annoyed her, would you change it?

Fuck sakes she’s 17 she has a job she goes to college.

How she socialises and entertains herself is her own business, after all she could just leave home and you couldn’t stop her

15 hours in a single day playing video games? That is excessive. That would worry me for the following reasons:
Sitting for prolonged periods of time is known to be detrimental to health.
Staring at a screen for long periods of time can be damaging to eyesight.
Playing games non stop habitually until after 2.00am looks like addictive behaviour (and is surely very likely to impact upon mental health?)

deepestdarkestperu So why would you make all that rubbish up about other posters?

Sitting doing anything for 15 hours at a time isn't normal and unless it is a one off it is probably addictive.

When an obsession with a particular thing means someone stops interacting with the real world ans human contact then it is an addiction. It's just as kitty says people don't like the word addiction.

Swap gaming for drinking or gambling:

My DC sits playing online bingo and at online casinos on their phone for 15 hours a day. I'm worried because although she's holding down college etc she isn't seeing her friends as much as she did and seems to be quite isolated - response would be that there's an issue. But because people happily let their kids sit in front of screens all day to consider it an issue would mean a spot of reflection

Your DD is pretty much an adult. I think you need to step back from wanting to control her day to day life. "Concerned" I could understand; I don't get why you're "pissed off" - are you envious of her free time?

This is probably the only time in her life she'll get to do as she pleases, with few responsibilities. It might not be what you'd choose, but your days of telling her what to do should be over now she's grown up.

Swap gaming for drinking or gambling

Swap college for crack den and you get the same effect.

What a ridiculous straw man.

What rubbish? People have specifically said in their replies that they don’t think video games are a good way for people to spend their free time.

They think other activities such as reading, seeing friends in person and going outside are a better way to spend their time - which is fine, that’s their choice.

But my point is, it’s all just opinion. I like spending a fair chunk of my free time alone - be that reading, surfing the net or watching Netflix all day. It’s my choice and it makes me happy. I don’t criticise people who choose to spend their time surrounded by other people and going on long walks, so I don’t see why it’s necessary the other way around.

Adults should be free to spend their free time doing what makes them happy (assuming it’s not illegal and doesn’t involve gambling or neglecting any DC etc etc)

Swapping college for crack den makes zero sense.

Swapping gaming for a different activity that people will happily consider addictive is reasonable.

When anything is being done for 15 hours or til the early hours of the morning and it's affecting interactiom in the real world it could be a form of addiction. Like drinking, gambling, binge watching box sets, going to the gym.

People just don't like to consider that it isn't normal behaviour.

@FlowerPot1234 have you seen the usual MN response to gaming?

Swap gaming for mugging the elderly

Oooooh I like this game

It's not great but as others have said, what can you do?
Sorry I haven't RTFT but are you in a position to take her out for lunch or something one of the days she isn't working to get her out of the house? Obviously she may well not want to but might be a better approach than saying something to her?

Swap gaming for reading all the jane austen novels back to back
.....

Swap gaming for attending a music festival.... Baking cakes.... Yeah, this is fun!

I think it’s ok. Over half term. They just need to relax and slob. If it continued that would be different. She’s read the book, she’s going to work.

Both my ds’s play far too much x box, and too much screen time. But they also are out on their bikes, playing football with their mates, Thorpe Park. So I let it go.

Swap gaming for posting on mumsnet about how bad it is to sit staring at a screen

Swapping gaming for gambling or drinking makes zero sense either.

Just because it isn't "interaction in the real world" doesn't mean it isn't social interaction. She's not doing it every day and she's holding down college and a job. She's also a teenager.

The stigmatising of gaming in society is ridiculous and it's entirely because people don't understand it.

Whilst I am a total fan of reading. I Disagree that you get nothing from gaming.

there is a lot gained. interaction and competitiveness, interest ,enjoyment.

of just not having to think about anything else. just enjoying the game. and I think that’s actually a really important part is when you’re young and studying : or trying to keep friendships, emotionally developing. It’s a very taxing time.

sometimes it’s good to do something that’s just mind numbingly numb!!

JacquesHammer
@FlowerPot1234 have you seen the usual MN response to gaming?

No, and I would never refer to any "usual MN response" to anything, as there is not one MN response, there are individuals with their own thoughts. For deepestdarkestperu to come on here and extrapolate some extreme paranoia from posters saying sitting for 15 hours a day gaming isn't great is absolutely bats**t.

Computer games are fun.Sitting for 15 hours a day doing it isn't healthy. Saying anybody who thinks this is anti-game or thinks they are the work of the devil is downright loopy.

I don’t think gaming itself is stigmatised. Just excessively.

Swap gaming for drinking or gambling

Swap college for crack den and you get the same effect.

What a ridiculous straw man.

Not ridiculous at all. Drinking, gambling,
Box sets and gaming are by their design, addictive. People have jobs to make their online gambling games more addictive, scripts to hook in viewers and the same for video gaming.

Going to college is not comparable at all.

Having worked with many students' parents who don't want to do anything about their 17 year olds up all night on their online games, yet are falling asleep in class, failing to do work and in one case, having a fit in my lesson. All sound extreme, but these were all perfectly lovely students and parents from 'middle class' professions who, in the words of one parent who's child had the fit, 'at least I know where he is all the time'.

I probably am projecting these experiences onto the OP but the repeated statements of 'they're nearly adults', 'it's just a hobby and perfectly legal', 'I can't just turn off the internet'etc. are all excuses stated by the parents I have had meetings with, when dealing with concerns and I just think it doesn't hurt to at least be aware of these things.

Kids don't stop being our kids when they turn 17/18.

I never used to spend time with my friends in half term. I needed the time to recharge from college and work and seeing everyone all the time. I used to spend literally every day I wasn't at work reading, and I read some right dross. I would occasionally spend all day playing games.... strangely it was those days my mum was on my case. Seems it was okay for me to spend all day reading misery memoirs than gaming. My mum also didn't mind me buying harry potter books at mid right parties and reading them until I'd finished and that certainly had an effect on my sleep and wellbeing.

Maybe 15 hours straight is too much...if it was all the time. As a one off every now and then I don't see it as a problem.