To be pissed off that DD has spent a good 15 hours playing video games today?

[VerityMichaels]

She’s still up now. Is 17 (18 in December).

It’s just annoying. She won’t roll out of bed until 11/12 tomorrow. She won’t go out with her friends (she is constantly getting messages off them and although texts them a lot, she says she “can’t be arsed to see them as she sees them every day at college” even though they have invited her to some really great places). She’s just so lazy.

Surely 15 hours (and counting) just isn’t healthy? She is working tomorrow evening, but from when she gets up at midday until 1 hour before she is due to start work, she will be playing it again.

Nightmare.

AIBU?

It’s a one-off during half-term. I bet nobody would criticise it if she wanted to spend a day in her pajamas watching Netflix, but gaming seems to be the one hobby that everyone on MN detests for some reason!

If I came across a student or my own DC, spending 15 hours in one go watching box sets, I would say the same thing. And if it was starting to happen regularly and the student was getting up at 2am to spend a few more hours watching more episodes and not sleeping, I'd want to prevent that. It's displaying addictive behaviour that will affect other parts of heir life, like functioning on very little sleep.

You are right that if it was 15 hours just the once and nothing more until a year later or so, then that wouldn't need intervention but the OP doesn't have a crystal ball and chances are, this could be the start of it getting worse, if the OP doesn't say something now.

And a 'day' in pyjamas watching box sets I would hope would never last for 15 hours straight (say 7am to 10pm with nothing in between, which is very rare, surely, if not I'll?) anyway-Half that would be more common.

Woukd be interesting to see if those adults/nearly adults binging on gaming once they are able to were very restricted in how much they could go on their games when they were younger. I woukdnt mind betting there is some link.

Reading threads from grown women on here, I would say it is pretty common, actually.

I could happily spend the day on my own watching box sets. I don’t very often, as I have a job and pets and responsibilities, but given the opportunity, I would love it. I’m introverted and need time alone to recharge - I manage fine socially and have a job that involves talking all day, but sometimes it’s nice to just have a day where you don’t have to do so.

Some people relax by seeing their friends and going out, others by switching off from people and staying indoors. The former are not in any way “better” than the latter.

Wonder thanks for that. Totally agree. I was also wondering who puts that on their CV.
Now the job and the fact she is at college ,then yes.

I guess anything exessive for so long is bad. Anything! Sleep, cleaning, eating, exercise.

It does seem that a few people are against gaming just because its gaming. I don’t play them myself but my oh does and he is one of the most naturally intelligent people I have met.

It’s her down time. I am off work too and spent the day inside. It happens. If she is otherwise healthy then I would not worry.

at the people saying 'put your foot down', 'turn the internet off'. She's nearly 18!!!!

Yes, it does take effort and probably many arguments which many parents want to avoid. But addiction is addiction. Whether it is for drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or gaming.
If your 17 year old was racking up debt on gambling sites and you became aware of it, would you do nothing about that because they are 'nearly 18' and can't turn your Internet off? Or is it the money involved that would make someone act in this instance?

I know this probably won't change many parents viewpoints but as I've said, seeing the damage this is doing to a lot of young people today is difficult to come across and even more so, when parents don't want to do anything about it.

15 hours doing anything sedentary is not good for you. It might just be one day but 15 hours is a hell of a long time.

I would sit down with her and explain how, even as a one off 15 hours, it affects your eyes from always looking at a relatively short distance, it affects your posture and can lead to neck strain/headaches/back pain etc from staying in one position too long, you increase the risk of carpal tunnel/RSI in your wrists from gripping the control that long, (which will ultimately affect her ability to game long term) etc. You should have proper breaks. As she gets older, there's thrombosis risks from sitting still so long.

Yes, she's nearly an adult. That's why she needs to understand why it is important to self-regulate. It's something that should be explained to the kids growing up so they know they have to have breaks, in the same way they know they have to brush their teeth.

She's old enough to make her own decisions on what to do with her free time. Leave her to it.

I love the occasional day where i have nothing to do and can spend it playing games. Can easily play from morning til night

Its not an addiction. It doesnt cause me any problems. Its fun, interesting and i enjoy doing it

Woukd be interesting to see if those adults/nearly adults binging on gaming once they are able to were very restricted in how much they could go on their games when they were younger. I woukdnt mind betting there is some linK

Obviously only anecdote and not evidence but quite the opposite in my experience

Yes, it does take effort and probably many arguments which many parents want to avoid. But addiction is addiction. Whether it is for drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or gaming.

I’ve noticed that you keep pushing about addiction to video games, but I don’t think you can categorically state that (especially as the OP hasn’t mentioned that her DD is always gaming). Would you suggest someone who likes watching box sets on occasions also has an addiction?

I suspect a lot of the students you see are far more likely to have an addiction to their smartphones rather than gaming and that’s why they seem tired and unmotivated. After all, most people access their phone first thing in the morning, last thing at night, probably use it if they awake during the night and then have it to hand all day long - yet you seem to be sure that you students are suffering from video game addictions?

Sit her down and explain the dangers? How patronising. She’s 17 not 7. She’s perfectly capable of getting up and doing something else if she wants to.

Spending the odd day indoors doing nothing is perfectly healthy and won’t kill her. I would argue that having regular downtime is healthier than being on the go 24/7 and never stopping to breathe.

15 hours straight of video games everyday isn’t a good thing, but as a one-off over half term for a 17yo? I don’t get all the angst.

I think everyone needs days off. It's up to them if they prefer to spend the day off lying in bed reading (which, given 15 hours of nothingness I'd choose to do) or gaming or riding bikes or swinging on a trapeze.

There are far, far worse things a 17 year old could be doing. One day won't destroy her brain or make her a gaming addict (though I do agree that too much exposure over a prolonged period can be bad for some children - my 12 year old loves his xbox but I ration it because he's not quite old enough/able to ration it himself yet).

15 hours of intense stimulation and heightened stress levels can’t be good. Gaming can affect heart rate, blood pressure and nervous system. And dopamine levels.

I'm trying to imagine having heightened stress levels and concerningly high blood pressure playing half the games I've ever played. Nope, not seeing it. The ones DH favours? Sure.

Absolutely not normal. May be common in some circles, but that doesn't make it normal.

I presume the OP's post was not about what is common or frequently occurring in some families, nor was it about the rights of a 17 year old to do with her time as she wishes, it was rather about her wellbeing, good parenting etc. So with that regard, no YANBU and this is not healthy nor reasonable.

Depends on the game

I often wonder what people expect when they have kids.

"I hope she makes friends," they say of their baby, but then "Ugh! All she does is go out with friends!"

"I will buy her this game console," says parent, "But I hope they never play it because then I'll nag!"

She's got friends and a job, which is 400% more than some people have. She's fine. You obviously think your teens were spent volunteering at soup kitchens and bringing in the harvest or something. Leave her be. Things could be a hell of a lot worse.

This is my eldest dd! Now at uni, got a nice boyfriend etc. Did my head in when she couldn't be arsed to see people and would play video games all weekend etc. Got cracking a levels, loves uni is nearly 20 and seems to have grown out of that phase. It did annoy me til my best friend pointed out it was better than what I was doing at that age ie smoking, drinking til I was sick, experimenting with drugs and having dodgy boyfriends. And I still turned out okish!

Sorry , but 15 hrs is excessive! Even my ds who was a big games addict would maybe spend 6 hrs/ day when he was at home before going off to Uni in September ....she needs to cut down screen time and make a effort to see her friends, otherwise she’s eventually going to get excluded from their group
Is she depressed.....keeping up with college work...what are her plans for after college?
Think she need a bit more direction in her life

It’s only considered “not normal” by the MN collective because it’s a dreaded video game and as well all know, consoles are the work of the devil and nobody above age 12 should want to spend hours of their time playing video games

Wait - so she might be depressed because she wants to spend her half term working and chilling at home? I think I’ve heard it all now.

As someone who used to also work evenings and then got a night time job whilst doing a full time college course I think you should cut her a bit of slack tbh.

Yes it's annoying but it's their generation now re the digital stuff. Hardly a nightmare.

She's almost 18 (a adult), not much you can do really, she goes to college, has a job so it's not all bad.

Totally agree with OP and posters saying 15 hours is way too much. Especially if her friends are out in the world doing fun things she's missing out on.

Can you not pull the plug? Just ask her to have two-three days a week completely offline to detox and go and do something physical in the real world. Gaming is fun but addictive and it definitely leads to deep passivity if you play all day long.

Why do people think they can tell their practically adult children to go out and do “wholesome” outdoor activities?

She’s going to be 18 in a matter of weeks. So long as she attends college and goes to work, who are you to say how she spends her downtime?

She’s not a child - she’s nearly 18 and perfectly capable of deciding not to see her friends for a few days. It’s a week off her usual routine, not a lifetime of isolation!

Would you suggest someone who likes watching box sets on occasions also has an addiction?

I have already stated this. On occasion no. Regularly and for hours on end, yes. Addiction doesn't have to be full on. It can be mild and still affect our life in some way.

I have also already stated that I agree, a one off doesn't necessarily mean an addiction. But as addictions all have to start somewhere, there is no harm if the OP has a chat and monitors this for a bit.

People don't like the word 'addiction'. It's a dirty word and implies something physical and ugly. But box sets and video games are designed to be addictive and awareness of this can't hurt.
Hey, even Mumsnet is addictive. But I have never spent 15 hours straight doing any of the above.