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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this "friendly guy" has crossed the line and I should tell his wife?

423 replies

revolution909 · 24/10/2017 23:33

There's this guy in my running club he's shy in person but not so much on social media. He's married I know his wife. There have been a few red flags here and there but mostly I assumed he was just being friendly... Well he sent me this DM today:

"This is such an inspiring image you've come so far and will continue on your quest to achieve your goals ps I need to borrow your abs xx"

Ive already deleted him/blocked him but also thinking of telling his wife.

OP posts:
TunnelofLove485 · 25/10/2017 09:24

As someone who has ignored their gut instinct twice in the last couple of months and got bitten massively on the behind for it, I would say trust your gut. Honestly. He may not be looking for an affair but he certainly sounds like he isn’t the right kind of friend for you. If his constant commenting is stifling that’s ok! He might just be an intense person and that obviously isn’t your kind of person. Listen to that. You don’t need to inform his wife though and it doesn’t scream “he wants an affair!”. Just he isn’t the kind of guy you personally want all over your social media.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 25/10/2017 09:34

Honestly this wouldn't bother me. But if it makes you uncomfortable it makes you uncomfortable.

But as the line is pretty ambiguous I would have dropped him a line saying you'd like him to stop as its making you uncomfortable. If it's all innocent and above board it gives him a chance to apologise and back off. If it continues you know he's a wrong un and block him

As it is, in terms of speaking to his wife I don't know what you'd say as its so ambiguous. Just leave it. If he doesn't get the message by being blocked then you have a problem

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/10/2017 09:37

OP, just block him.

No need for a drama!

skippy67 · 25/10/2017 09:38

Just block him then. It's really not difficult...

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2017 09:45

I'm starting to think you either love the drama OP, or you have a bit of a crush on him and you want people here to confirm he also has a crush on you.

If you wanted to put a stop to it all, you'd simply hit the block button.

Lovemusic33 · 25/10/2017 09:47

I don't think his message was creepy. You share a hobby and he was complementing you.

I go to the gym most days, I have a couple male friends that I talk to there, both are married, both often make comments about 'how fit I look', I don't think it's creepy, I don't think they are looking to cheat on their wives, they are just complementing my fitness which is fine with me.

Pumperthepumper · 25/10/2017 09:51

The OP says she's already blocked him.

twotired · 25/10/2017 09:52

Perhaps he's just one of those people that comments on everything he comes across. I have friends like that.

Maybe he wants to meet new running friends and is a bit socially awkward?

If he was saying 'loving the new hair, I'd love to run my hands through it/smell it' or whatever then yes, but this seems like friendly commenting. Is he doing that much harm?

Obviously if it's causing you distress then perhaps say something to him, but I wouldn't go to his wife.

Ttbb · 25/10/2017 09:52

I think that you may be seeing things here that just aren't there.

LadyDisdain · 25/10/2017 09:59

Sizeofalentil
Instagram have just changed their comments/replies feature so it sends private messages as default sometimes, instead of leaving them as comments. Happened to me a few times, and made me look weirdly intense eg. Pming an old work colleague to tell them I like their cat. Any chance this happened here?

This happened to me. I thought I was leaving a comment and somehow it became a pm. Looked pretty creepy. Gin

Original poster
revolution909 · 25/10/2017 10:26

I know I might be overthinking all of this. He's the closest thing I have to a local "running buddy" , and running is such a big part of my life that I'm happy to share it's joys with someone.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 25/10/2017 10:52

revolution it'll be interesting to see how he responds to being blocked.

MancLife · 25/10/2017 10:59

So you post things like photos in a public place expecting people to like and comment on them. Then when people do like and comment on them you see it as s red flag.

Sounds like he's better off having been blocked.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 25/10/2017 11:01

He's blocked, it's done. Nothing more to do OP. Well done for acting on your feelings, now just crack on having a normal relationship with your running buddy, as you seem to like him well enough.

KimmySchmidt1 · 25/10/2017 11:04

by all means don't reply to him but I would not consider that a come-on particularly in the context of fitness/sport - fitness nutters are always complimenting each other's bodies. I think there is a strong chance you are misreading it, and even if you weren't there is so much deniability to it you will just be making a nosey parker of yourself.

Dervel · 25/10/2017 11:23

Surely, and again same applies whatever the context of the interaction you try and find a middle ground. If there was someone constantly liking and commenting on my every picture and post especially if it was disproportionate in relation to how much I interact with them, I'd be wondering why.

There are only so many hours in the day, my social media engagement increases with someone depending how close we are. Meeting someone tangentially through a shared hobby and then going to a close to 100% like/comment rate feels a little full on to me.

That in and of itself isn't a bad thing if it's reciprocated, but I can quite understand the OP's reaction. If I was the guy and I was posting to the OP and if it was entirely innocuous I'd appreciate the feedback that I was from her point of view being a bit full on.

PaintingByNumbers · 25/10/2017 12:25

How did you imagine blocking him on all social media would help your overall relationship with "the closest thing you have to a running buddy"? Your thought processes overall are fascinating.

Boulshired · 25/10/2017 12:31

Blocking him on SM will do a lot less damage to your “running buddy” relationship than telling his wife.

BenLui · 25/10/2017 12:33

“Running buddy”? Confused

You said on your other thread that he had barely ever said more that hello and goodbye to you?

That’s not a running buddy.

Original poster
revolution909 · 25/10/2017 12:37

I don't have much experience in the "fitness world" as I've never been to a gym for example. But I think that runners are a different breed... IME the comments are usually around pace/recovery/training but I might be wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
revolution909 · 25/10/2017 12:42

Yeah it still stands I don't know the guy. But it's nice to be able to talk to someone who won't roll their eyes because I've found how effective Epsom salts are. I have to see him the same way I see all of my other fellow runners on the different online groups I'm part of. The difference is that I actually see him once a week

OP posts:
BulletFox · 25/10/2017 12:45

No, don't 'tell' his wife. You're over-investing in this IME. Just block if he's bothering you.

AngelsSins · 25/10/2017 13:20

I get why it makes you uncomfortable, that one post in itself is nothing, but to comment on everything you post and then not even talk to you in person is a bit odd. It could be that he's just trying to be friendly, it could be he has a bit of a crush on you, or it could be much more sinister. Have you asked anyone else at the club if he does the same to them?

Ultimately, it makes you uncomfortable so you have every right to avoid him, as well as blocking and deleting. You don't owe anyone your attention (well except for maybe any kids you might have! Grin)

Original poster
revolution909 · 25/10/2017 13:26

AngelsSins I'm not really friendly with anyone at club (they're not the friendliest bunch and are very cliquey). Also, he's a much more established member than me, so me the newbie asking about an old member would definitely look weird.

OP posts:
BenLui · 25/10/2017 13:45

Giving someone you (very) vaguely know Kudos on Strava doesn’t make them your running buddy.

Running with someone makes them your running buddy.

You are being very contradictory here Revolution he’s your “running buddy” but you haven’t ever had an actual real life conversation with him.

You don’t want to ask questions about an established member but you are happy to throw a potential grenade into his relationship by messaging his wife? You don’t think that would look weird?

There is no drama here.
You have no relationship with this man.
If you have actually blocked him then he can no longer comment on your pictures.