To think this "friendly guy" has crossed the line and I should tell his wife?

[revolution909]

There's this guy in my running club he's shy in person but not so much on social media. He's married I know his wife. There have been a few red flags here and there but mostly I assumed he was just being friendly... Well he sent me this DM today:

"This is such an inspiring image you've come so far and will continue on your quest to achieve your goals ps I need to borrow your abs xx"

Ive already deleted him/blocked him but also thinking of telling his wife.

I don't think you you were unreasonable to block him. But 2 mumsnet threads and a thread on another forum is ott.

Why is this bothering you so much? Have you had a bad experience in the past and this is triggering for you? Or are you suffering from anxiety maybe?

Sorry for the amateur psychology but it does seem that you are obsessing about something fairly small.

In not trying to be mean, I've been there with anxiety too.

She didn't say he was her running buddy, just that he was the closest thing she has to one - which I took to mean that she didn't know anyone else in the running club, and him only marginally.

I think he probably fancies you, OP, and if you had replied in a mildly flirtatious manner it would have escalated from there. He was fishing with that DM. Well, go fish. Probably right to nip it in the bud.

If your instincts are telling you something is off then the chances are you are right. Women are too often told to override their gut feeling. If it were me I would ignore the message and keep contact to a minimum. I wouldn't block him on SM unless it escalated. Sounds like he admires you and is fishing. Bit if a nuisance but easily ignored if he keeps it to that.

And it's wouldnt tell his wife. There s nothing to tell and you will look bonkers. Just ignore and move on.

If the club isn't the friendliest bunch, maybe the solution is to look for a new club, would that be possible?

I think I've already established that telling his wife was a terrible idea and was misguided by other people. I really haven't been able to discuss this with my RL friends as this is a small town and everybody would know him. Besides the only two people I told them about him did call him a creep, but they're not runners nor are super active on SM so their view on this can't be the most objective.

I'm a solo runner anyways, so what I mean is that well he's someone I can talk about my all consuming hobby that I could potentially chat offline to.

Op you are coming across as though you hope he is being appropriate. Or want him to be.

You keep saying you think he may be a creep. You then seem desperate to keep him as a 'running buddy'. Even though he actually isnt a running buddy. He is someone you have on a couple of apps.

what I mean is that well he's someone I can talk about my all consuming hobby that I could potentially chat offline to.

But find him creepy and have considered speaking to his wife about it. You have posted here twice. Its really not this big of a deal.

You thought he would be someone good to chat to. For you, he isnt. So dont speak to him

If you don't want contact with him, then block him. Sure. But he doesn't sound particularly inappropriate to me. I think this is definitely mountain out of molehill territory.

So this is just a casual, normal friendship with someone you see once a week? He's not actually a running buddy, he's just a bloke at the club?

You seem to be very selective about the comments you take on board OP. You've blocked him. Nothing has happened. Nothing is happening apparently.

You say a few contradictory things, but basically, um...just carry on with life? I'd say chalk it up, but there's precious little to chalk up!

I totally think he's testing the water OP. Surprised so many disagree!

I unblocked him from Instagram as I thought that maybe I was overthinking everything, but guess what? He sent me a photo of his legs in a bath tub :/

Yeah course he did

Time to tell his wife then.

Oh I call bullshit op.

Oh wow, better watch out op

He's ALWAYS liking my stuff. Some random comments here and there. I barely know the guy IRL. And he has commented stuff like "loving the new hair xx"

There's someone I follow who's an amazing single parent, proper little gym bunny and cooks the most amazing food. I always like her stuff too.

Must stop in case she thinks I'm weird.

I unblocked him from Instagram as I thought that maybe I was overthinking everything, but guess what? He sent me a photo of his legs in a bath tub :/

Before or after you refollowed him?

Nope.. it's the truth. There was some context to it (I recommended some muscle shower gel to someone at club) so he was "showing" me he was following my advice. I'm honestly not making this up.

Why would you refollow someone you'd previously blocked with these concerns?

If some woman from a club/oh's work/whatever messaged me to 'tell on' him for liking her pics or sending her a friendly message, I'd think that woman was mental. .

Ah well with the context it's a little less weird.

OP, if it's bothering you, block him again and try to not focus on it any longer.

I am very alert to red flags and have said several times on MN over the years that if you're concerned, then you shouldn't ignore your instincts.

However in this case, while you shouldn't slap your feelings down, he hasn't done anything wrong at all. So there's nothing to do other than ignore him, don't get involved with him any further and get on with your life.

How does that sound?

You’re really loving this aren’t so you?
I don’t talk to him at all in RL and I don’t really know him!
Wait, i want to share the joys of running with him!
Wait, he’s my running buddy!

Everyone says he’s a creep.
Wait, i was hoping to chat offline too!

I’ve blocked him and I’m telling his wife!!
Wait I’m not telling his wife. Wait I also unblocked him!

He showed me his legs in the bath!
Wait,there’s context!

You’re all over the place and looking for drama.