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Original poster

To think this "friendly guy" has crossed the line and I should tell his wife?

423 replies

revolution909 · 24/10/2017 23:33

There's this guy in my running club he's shy in person but not so much on social media. He's married I know his wife. There have been a few red flags here and there but mostly I assumed he was just being friendly... Well he sent me this DM today:

"This is such an inspiring image you've come so far and will continue on your quest to achieve your goals ps I need to borrow your abs xx"

Ive already deleted him/blocked him but also thinking of telling his wife.

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 25/10/2017 07:57

Just block him and be done with it.

Escapepeas · 25/10/2017 07:57

Fucking hell. Better log it with 101 too, tell his wife and the whole running club. Just to be sure.

Palace2 · 25/10/2017 08:01

I have friends on Facebook and instagram that like and comment on everything I post. It's just how they are. I know before I put anything on there that D will like and comment. T will also comment but will add a dozen emojis as well. They aren't only like it with me.... it's who they are and how they are with everyone. Recently T commented on a mutual friends status but without the usual array of emojis and I did add a lightheareted comment asking if they were ok as missing out usual hearts, kisses, flowers etc. They laughed. We have mutual friends who get fed up with all comments and have actually restricted T from seeing statuses on Facebook. They all know it's not meant badly. You don't actually know if this man sends the majority of his running friends encouraging friendly messages. It could just be the way he is. But too shy in real life. I can't see anything wrong with what he has said

Roussette · 25/10/2017 08:04

So what do you tell his wife? Track her down and knock on the door and tell her, "do you know your husband likes my hair? How dare he tell me that, he's obviously after me"

A hobby I do, the people there (men included) ... I encourage them with nice remarks, I better not answer the door anytime soon in case some bloke's wife thinks I'm after their husband!

Maybe he's new to Instagram, maybe he admires you because you stick at running... but please do not make up stuff that isn't there, it sounds bonkers.

If it annoys you block him.

Overreaction1 · 25/10/2017 08:05

Op I think he sound like a creep. Put it this way if my dh was messaging women privately saying things like this I'd be upset.
Of course he can admire your abs but saying so on a private message seems flirtatious.
I don't think you can tell his wife there's not enough to go off to prove Any point but just stear well clear.

MudCity · 25/10/2017 08:06

If you don't like receiving his messages then block him from your social media but there is nothing wrong in what he has said AT ALL. Perhaps he is just trying to be nice,

Tell his wife what? That he admired your achievements / hair / whatever?? There is nothing to tell!

RoryItsSnowing · 25/10/2017 08:10

Seems like you actually enjoy this attention and want it to be more than it is. So he puts 'xxx' at the end of a message, big deal, I do that to male or female friends and my husband wouldn't see it as at all inappropriate.

Block him or leave it and carry on. Don't talk to his wife, how ridiculous. Either way stop making it such a big deal and posting on here about it if for advice if you won't listen to anything anyone says!

LazyDailyMailJournos · 25/10/2017 08:13

You again?

Block him - problem sorted. Of course if you do that then it removes the opportunity to create masses of drama.

Hmm
AlternativeTentacle · 25/10/2017 08:19

So if he has whispered he likes your hair or he wants your abs, half the people here would have been flattered and half outraged. The outraged would have been correct. Who cares what he wants or likes? Either tell the wife to rein him in as he is starting to creep you out or tell him 'dude. Shut the fuck up I am not interested in you liking my hair nor my abs. None of your business'.

AngeloMysterioso · 25/10/2017 08:19

I have friends who double tap literally every photo they see on Instagram, it doesn’t mean anything. Sounds like this is all in your head to be honest OP.

ewen1234 · 25/10/2017 08:22

Having read this, (in my opinion), I think the guy really is quite shy. For the fact that he comments online and "likes" posts etc and is not able to speak to you face to face (as you have said he doesn't really speak to you), just suggests to me that he feels more confident posting things. He probably wants you to think that he is this really great guy. I kind of feel sorry for him to be honest.

But my boss (who isn't interested in me whatsoever and is happily married with children) also cannot look you in the eye when he is speaking to you, never has a chat or a bit of banter with you in the office but the text messages he sends (he is a lawyer and usually texts when he is at Court and cannot use the phone) are hilarious and you would think it was from a totally different person. Even when he comes back to the office you think "who is this guy", sending funny banntery texts and then doesn't even speak to you when he is in the office but, again, I think this is also a sign of someone who is really shy!!

As for telling his wife??? I think that would opening a whole other can of worms...Big NO (from me anyway)...Why would you want to give her the impression something is going on when I don't really think there is anything going on here. Maybe you are a really confident and popular person and he just wants to be part of "your gang" so to speak.

If it bothered me that much, I would block him or ignore him. (As you say, he doesn't really speak to you anyway??)

XX

BorisTrumpsLair · 25/10/2017 08:28

I don't think this sounds particularly normal op. It sound OTT to me and you sound unnerved by it.

As for everyone here saying this level of attn from a married man is "normal", well over on the relationships board these are red flags for an emotional affair.

It could be something much worse.

OP - Do you think he could have joined the running club after you did? Because you did?

Pumperthepumper · 25/10/2017 08:29

Could we maybe stop the 'attention seeker' posts now? I can't imagine they're intended to be particularly kind to the OP and there may be others on here who are concerned about their 'over familiar man from X'.

I think some men are quite calculated in what they say/do for this exact reason - because it makes it so easy for them to defend if they're called on it, 'I was just being friendly'.

BorisTrumpsLair · 25/10/2017 08:32

If any of these comments were from a woman, would you bat an eyelid?

What a bizarre and irrelevant litmus test. A woman is less likely to want to stalk and or have an affair with another woman.

OnionKnight · 25/10/2017 08:33

You’ve deleted him and blocked him and so I’m not sure what the problem is?

Instagram has changed recently, I remember replying to a friends post and it sent it as a private message, maybe that has happened here? Besides his comments that you have posted are harmless, they’re friendly but you are reading far too much into it if you suspect otherwise.

Willswife · 25/10/2017 08:42

I don't see that he has done anything wrong. He has complimented you a few times. He may admire you for a whole host of different reasons, but that doesn't mean he's trying to crack on to you.

Ginslinger · 25/10/2017 08:48

I don't know why you're getting a hard time here especially when there are a regular number of posts with women being very upset by private messages their partners have sent to other women. I think he should comment publicly or not at all.

ScarlettDarling · 25/10/2017 08:54

op I see where you're coming from because it would creep me out too. No, he hasn't done anything 'wrong'. One message in isolation wouldn't feel inappropriate. But a married man liking every picture you post IS a bit much in my opinion. And if it it was my husband messaging you every day to comment on your hair and abs, I'd be having a word with him!

Don't think you can really talk to his wife about it though, so I'd do what others have suggested and just block him. On the off chance that he asks why you've done it just tell him you're tightening up on privacy settings as you'd had some messages which made you a bit uncomfortable.

Dervel · 25/10/2017 08:58

I don’t entirely get all the modern social media stuff, but I’m assuming the OP isn’t reciprocating to the same degree. I’m a man and wether I like someone platonically or otherwise I’d feel a bit stalkery if I liked/commented/messaged someone but wasn’t getting some interaction back in return.

Surely the op is being reasonable to be a bit put off?

InDubiousBattle · 25/10/2017 09:03

Isn't the reason people post pictures of their new hair cut so that other people will like it and comment 'I like your hair'?

I thi k you're making a mountain out of a molehill but if it makes you uncomfortable then block him.

Goosegrass · 25/10/2017 09:06

I’d find it creepy too.

MaisyPops · 25/10/2017 09:09

Isn't the reason people post pictures of their new hair cut so that other people will like it and comment 'I like your hair'?
Of course and then when a (shh!) man comments it feeds the drama llamas after all what man would say something nice to a woman because it's a nice thing to do? He must be after some sex on the side

MaisyPops · 25/10/2017 09:10

Missed the Grin off that.
Oops. Blush

Original poster
revolution909 · 25/10/2017 09:12

Nope I haven't reciprocated to the same degree. I have said "good pace" , "great run". I don't even like his Instagram stuff.. I only ever interact in Strava.

OP posts:
RatRolyPoly · 25/10/2017 09:12

Sorry OP, I'm another one who thinks it reads like you're looking for reasons to be scandalised all over MN. Block if you like, tell his wife if you like, but I think you're overthinking this.

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