To not get why people put their DC to bed early

[RogerThatOver]

...when it's unnecessary?

I get that if you all have to be up and out for 7.30 then they'd need to be in bed early.

But my SIL has 3 DC under 5, none at school and no plans to return to work at any point. Her DC are in bed for 6pm. That means being stuck in the house from 4pm every day which I would hate. They get up at 5/5.30 which she complains about endlessly but what does she expect if they go to bed so early? They can't go on days out because the DC are tired by lunch time and have to be home to nap, they don't do family parties or weddings because the DC cannot travel after 3pm and need to be home to wind down for bed by 4pm.

I also have 3 DC under 5. Mine go to bed at 9 and get up at around 8, sometimes later at the weekend. We can have full days out, if there's a party or wedding they can happily stay up until midnight. We can go to the park til bedtime in the summer and never need to rush home. They have an older sibling at school and are all ready on time to take her at 8.30 so their bedtime won't need major adjustment when they start school.

SIL and MIL are both very judgey about my DC's bedtime with SIL saying at the weekend that my DC must be 'chronically overtired' because they were still dancing at a family party at midnight. The hours of sleep they get are actually no different but IMO a later bedtime means my DC can do more in life. SIL admits she spends every morning drinking coffee with the kids watching tv until 10 because she's so tired, then if they go out they need to be home for naps by 12. She doesn't seem happy with the way things are but so many people seem to think it's just the way things must be with young DC.

AIBU to not understand the obsession with early bedtimes, coupled with complaints about early rises?

[Ilovevegas]

Its what works for your family life.
I've had 2 crap sleepers/nappers that I've had to work hard to put a good routine into, it does make me inflexible at times but what can you do?

I've also tried to work to 12 hours asleep 12 hours awake, so bedtime is dictated to by the time they wake.

My DS (8 months) is in bed for 6.00-6.30 & DD 3 is in bed for 7.

my DH wakes at 06.00 for work & I hear his alarm so I'm awake then, so I wouldn't be able to sleep in anyway, I would definitely rather have adult alone time in the evening.

Early to bed, early to rise in this house!

[Looneytune253]

A friend of mine did that but she tried putting them to bed later and they still got up super early the next morning. It doesn’t always follow that they will sleep later. Just means they get less sleep which means grouchy children wanting to go to bed earlier the next night.

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

There you go OP. You must never think about what other people do with anything but mild passing curiosity. It’s not your business ever. Everyone is correct and everyone has their reasons and you must not comment ever on what your SIL does. Ok. Ever.

[Brittbugs80]

I still don’t really understand why people obsessively put their children to bed early, maybe they read a different manual to me!

No, it's called having a different child and lifestyle. It really isn't hard to understand that no child or family runs the same routine. It's quite narrow-minded and self centered to think they do.

[HashtagTired]

Are you the SIL, Cauliflower?! 😂

[Neverknowing]

I agree judge each other less, it really doesn’t matter does it?
Personally I put my DD to bed early (6-6.30) because I love the few hours in the evening I get to just chill with my DP, she wakes up at 7.30 when my DP goes to work no matter what I do anyways. Admittedly, we put her to bed at about 7-7.30 at the weekend in the hope she’ll sleep in a bit but I think the only reason she’s awake at 7.30 is because DP wakes her up anyways.
Also I like the idea that we don’t suddenly change her routine just before she goes to school, it’ll just be the bedtime she’s always had.
It works for us like putting yours to bed later works for you

[NannyOggsKnickers]

I was always told that ‘sleep breeds sleep’. So the earlier you get them into a sleep routine and the more sleep you can get out of them then the better sleepers they will be. I have no scientific basis for this though.

DD goes down at 7.30 because she still naps for over two hours in the middle of the day. It is nice for DH and I to have dinner alone to talk to each other and then be able to watch a totally toddler inappropriate tv show (GoT, Outlander etc).

But this is only what works for us. All I can say is, as a secondary teacher, 9 times out of 10 the naughty kids are the ones up til the crack of sparrow fart on their phones/ devices/ tv/ PS4 and have no real sleep routine. It is very telling and has definitely shaped my view of how important sleep routines are for children and teenagers.

[PoppyPopcorn]

Read the OP, Cauliflower. OP "doesn't get" why her relative puts her children to bed early "when it's not necessary".

Then there's 100 plus posts from people like me explaining exactly why it IS necessary with some children as they wake at the same time irrespective of when you put them to bed.

[Ecureuil]

I still don’t really understand why people obsessively put their children to bed early, maybe they read a different manual to me!

How bloody patronising. Maybe they’ve just found a way that works for them, their children and their lifestyle?

[Middleoftheroad]

OP what time will you put them down when they start school? They are used to a later bedtime too.

[Ecureuil]

DD1 (3) who went to bed at 7 is still asleep! Unfortunately I’ve been up for over 2 hours with DD2 who went to bed at the same time.
See? All kids are different!

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

Read it, thanks Poppy.
In the spirit of this thread I should be able to comment without other people judging me!

Hashtag - maybe I am the SIL and maybe I’m not!! It sounds like you’re JUDGING me!! 😂

[user1499419331]

My daughter goes to bed when she is tired... I love her company and I usually go to bed with her. When she was born I decided to work around her and meet all her needs, rather than try to make her live around me... which let's face it a child isn't going to be able to, they don't understand why they have to go to bed at a certain time,,, when they aren't even tired. Would you want to be put to bed when you are not tired? We don't treat children like people sometimes. It makes me very sad if I'm honest.

[bookworm14]

What a lot of thinly-veiled judging/smugness. If your interesting, free-spirited, unique kids are happy to stay up to 9pm, good for you; sadly my dull, hidebound, routine-led toddler needs a reasonably early bedtime in order to get enough sleep.

Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have a couple of hours free in the evening.

[Steeley113]

@user1499419331 😂😂😂 because we have work/school/childminders which requires us all to be well rested.

[Qvar]

I thought exactly as you do until I had ds2. Ds2 got up at 5. He either got up at 5 nicely, with a six pm bedtime, or he got up at five and was a complete cunt all day after an8pm bedtime. He didn’t nap after 19 months old. Frankly he was on his knees by 4.30 pm and often had weetabix for tea and then straight to bed. And nothing I did made any difference, he got up for the day at 5 (oh, except in June, when he liked to rise at 4.30)

Fast forward to age 11, he goes to bed at half past eight. It’s much earlier than a lot of his peers but if he’s awake past 9pm, he’s horrible the next day. He now has to be chiselled out of bed at 7.

[Ecureuil]

they don't understand why they have to go to bed at a certain time,,, when they aren't even tired

Mine always go straight to sleep at 7 and have since 4 months old. So I’m guessing they are tired then.

[Grumpbum]

I wish I had a pound for every time someone has said to me about putting my kids to bed later (3yr old goes to bed at 7, 6yr old at 7.30) would make them wake later I wouldn’t have to work!
It doesn’t work for my kids they wake at 6am, well rested and ready to start the day.
Eldest does his reading/spellings, younger one plays and I like that time with them.
I couldn’t give a shiny shit what anyone thinks, it works for us

[divadee]

My 9 month old goes to bed about 6-6.30 as if not she is an absolute nightmare. Some days it's hard to keep her goung until then. If we put her to bed later she still wakes up at about 5.30-6 and we have tried all different ways. Nursery tires her out so much that we have to do that time.

[NataliaOsipova]

My DD has never slept for 12 hours in her life. Even when she's been ill! 10 hours has always been her "block" of sleep; was as a baby, is now as an older child. So why on earth would I want to force her to bed at 6.30, when DH isn't home by then, only to have her up at 4.30, when DH and I would certainly rather still be in bed?

Different strokes for different folks!

[BigFatGoalie]

Mine are in bed at 6pm.
5 years old and 5 Months old.
We have 4 hours of blissfully quiet dinner, glass of wine and uninterrupted Netflix with DH.
I wouldn’t give that up for anything!
I get to feel like an adult and have some time to myself 🍸
I wouldn’t want to have to be running after my DCs from morning until I close my eyes at night. (As much as I love them!)

[usernameavailable]

We have school runs to do. However, the weekend my youngest children will usually go bed around the same time -7pm. The reason why - if I put them to bed at 10pm they would still wake between 4.30/5.30. Only difference is they will be moody, tantrummy and just too tired to enjoy their day.
My eldest (10) goes to bed later as she can get up at anytime and not be over tired, for her she goes to bed when she is tired. As myself and DO go to bed quite early she is fine to stay up until we do then she can watch tv, read or listen to music in her room until she is tired.
So although I would love to spend that extra time with my babies, it just really isn't worth it for any of us. Our early mornings are always lovely though so I am not too fussed about extra evening time.

[livingthegoodlife]

My kids (also 3 under 5) go to bed at 6. Sometimes 5.30. they are knackered. They sleep all night and get up at 7am. I enjoy a quiet evening with my husband.

Horses for courses.

[YellowMakesMeSmile]

Ours go to be when tired but obviously I do have a limit on school nights but holidays I don't.

We enjoy their company in the evening, I can't imagine sending them to bed as I wanted every evening alone. Sometimes they stay in their rooms, other times they join us now older.

They are only children once, we make the most of the time with them. Plenty of quiet nights to be had when they leave home.

[Bezm]

Each to their own! I have to say, you come across as sounding quite smug... I'm the perfect mum, she's crap.
Maybe she needs that routingpe to enable her to manage 3 young children. Not everyone finds toddlers easy to deal with. Maybe she wants to spend time with her partner when he comes in from work? Leave her to it, don't judge her by your standards, happy days!