To not get why people put their DC to bed early

[RogerThatOver]

...when it's unnecessary?

I get that if you all have to be up and out for 7.30 then they'd need to be in bed early.

But my SIL has 3 DC under 5, none at school and no plans to return to work at any point. Her DC are in bed for 6pm. That means being stuck in the house from 4pm every day which I would hate. They get up at 5/5.30 which she complains about endlessly but what does she expect if they go to bed so early? They can't go on days out because the DC are tired by lunch time and have to be home to nap, they don't do family parties or weddings because the DC cannot travel after 3pm and need to be home to wind down for bed by 4pm.

I also have 3 DC under 5. Mine go to bed at 9 and get up at around 8, sometimes later at the weekend. We can have full days out, if there's a party or wedding they can happily stay up until midnight. We can go to the park til bedtime in the summer and never need to rush home. They have an older sibling at school and are all ready on time to take her at 8.30 so their bedtime won't need major adjustment when they start school.

SIL and MIL are both very judgey about my DC's bedtime with SIL saying at the weekend that my DC must be 'chronically overtired' because they were still dancing at a family party at midnight. The hours of sleep they get are actually no different but IMO a later bedtime means my DC can do more in life. SIL admits she spends every morning drinking coffee with the kids watching tv until 10 because she's so tired, then if they go out they need to be home for naps by 12. She doesn't seem happy with the way things are but so many people seem to think it's just the way things must be with young DC.

AIBU to not understand the obsession with early bedtimes, coupled with complaints about early rises?

My DC go to bed earlier because I like a couple of hours to myself every day.

I have two DC under 3, one of whom dropped his day nap 6 months ago. The other has CMPA and we are still struggling with reactions, he cries lots in the day.

I find it hard work tbh.

They go to bed at 6:30. The baby naps whenever he wants in the day, but he does sleep better if we are at home and he's in his cot. On days with cot naps most of the time he wakes less in the night. In his cot he can nap for 2+ hours on a good day. He will only ever do 30 mins in a pushchair.

Not saying my way is the best way, but it works for us.

Surely most people reach a happy medium based on both theirs and their children's needs? I think I probably have two quite textbook children, who sleep well and seem tired when you'd expect them to be. So my almost 7yo goes to bed 7.30/8 on a school night and gets about 11 hours and my 11mo goes to bed at 7/7.30 and gets 12 hours, plus a nap in the day. We have to get up for work/ take the children to school and the cm, so none of us has the luxury of late bedtimes and lie ins. It suits us because after a full on evening, dh and I also get a few hours to ourselves to talk and relax. As for 'well we work around our child rather than expecting them to work around us', that's a lovely sentiment. Except that children are learning and as adults it's our job to teach them. We decided that actually it's a mixture of both, otherwise we'd risk raising a child who still expects everyone to work around them at 21! In a family, everyone's needs are important and everyone makes compromises to accommodate each other.

I think most parents can benefit from some 'down time' from their children, particularly when they've got more than one.

We were much more flexible with bedtimes for DC1 than when we had two. DC2 actually really needed that structure (and still does although she denies it!)

@tobee people have a bedtime because babies and children need it - they can be really hard to settle after a certain time of night. It's far better for them to have the security of routine and for their body to have enough sleep than to have a cool parent who lets them stay up late.

I shouldn't worry; in a few short years you won't be able to get them to bed early, neither will they want to get up in the morning. Mornings will go like this; 'Time to get up', then 'If you want breakfast before you go out you need to get up now', then 'Get up NOW! We will be late!', then IF YOU DON'T GET UP THIS MINUTE I'M LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!', then 'RIGHT THAT'S IT: WE ARE LATE'. 'YOU * *' etc.Enjoy it while you can! .

I disagree with both your ways! YA BOTH BU! Hers is weirdly early and yours is weirdly late for everyday if its not a special occasion.

Inl think youre veing quite judgmental OP. Surelybpeople do what works for them and their kids? There was never any point putting DD to bed before 8.00 as she just mucked about. It took us a while to work out what suited her and 8.00 ish suits her best (at the moment).

I know several kids who wake at 5-6am regardless of when they go to bed. I sympathise with her as I bet she’d really like it if she could switch the whole routine a bit later!

Mine naturally wake around 7 and we aim for bedtime of about 7.30 as we value the child free times in the evening.

But I think the vast majority of mums try and do what’s best for their kids.

Yabu to judge.

whatever works for you.

However I suspect that once your oldest is at school you will see that they do get tired and that a 9pm bedtime for a 5 year old at school is not the most conducive to education.

I hate the judginess that some how those who don't have early routines are more free spirited.

I have a similar friend who also will wax lyrical about how helpful it is that she doesn't have to rush home to put dcs to bed.

But the flip side to this is she's limited when it comes to childfree meet ups. Most babysitters round here expect little children to be in bed before the parents leave for a night out, so while the rest of our group are happy to meet for 7:30ish for a 8pm table, she always wants to meet after 9, or be suggesting we bring children along. While I do love doing things with kids, it is nice to have times when we can freely swear and talk about things that aren't suitable for little ears.

Each approach has benefits and draw backs, many of us hate the idea of having to get up early with dcs, for others the idea of never having a few hours to spent child-free in the evening would sound hideous.

However I suspect that once your oldest is at school you will see that they do get tired and that a 9pm bedtime for a 5 year old at school is not the most conducive to education.

Again - very much depends on the child and how much sleep he or she needs. Going to school imposes a "get up" time, I suppose, so children have to adapt to that. But it didn't make mine want to sleep any longer!

It’s a bit like your own bedtime though isn’t it? I like to go to bed between 9-10, I’m not a night owl at all and I would be falling asleep if I stayed up til 11-12. We get our kids into bed for around 6.45-7 as we like to have a couple of hours in the evening to ourselves. That’s always been very important to us so even as young babies they went to bed early. Our kids get up around 6, sometimes 5.30 and we have tried everything to get them to sleep longer - later bedtimes etc but it doesn’t make any difference and they still wake that time. Even starting school hasn’t made dd sleep in and and so we’ve made her bedtime earlier (was 7.30) as she was just getting so tired getting up so early.
I love my children dearly but I need that break from them in the evening!! We do still have the odd late night though for special occasions/weekends but we pay for it the next day when they’re up at 6 and overtired and miserable.

Bluedog all kids sleep patterns can be shifted. If you started incrementally putting them to bed later they'd get up later.

Well I don't think your SIL is a good example.

My DD goes to bed at 6, wakes 6am which is my usual wake up time anyway due to years of doing it for work (only work 2 days now).

We can go out to the park in the afternoon, do whatever, just tend to try and get home for 5.50.

Don't understand why they need to be home for naps. My DD just sleeps in the pushchair/car.

Personally I can't stay up past 10 so if my DD went to bed at 9 that only leaves an hour for cleaning up and spending time with DP

SIL has always done later nights. Us we have a 7ish routine. SIL dc always up early, always pale and since going to school ALWAYS ill. Literally this term neither have been in school for a full week. They are 10 & 7, eat well (far better than my dc according to MIL) do lots of exercise and activities.

They are also exhausted. I judge in my head, it's easier 😂.

Bluedog all kids sleep patterns can be shifted. If you started incrementally putting them to bed later they'd get up later.

hahahahahahahahaha

Spoken truly like someone who has never been through the hell of a child who wakes at the same time, irrespective of when they went to bed. Do you REALLY think that parents who are struggling with a 5am wake up or earlier haven't tried all of that?

Surely everyone just does what works best for them?

Like many others on this thread, mine wake up by 6am no matter what time they go to bed. I could put them to bed at 9 every night but they would be overtired and grumpy all the time. We went away with family for a few days over the summer, they went to bed around ten for a few nights, still woke at 6am and by day three were absolutely fit for nothing —and really fucking annoying—

Your op is a bit twatish if I’m honest.

My D's is 3.5 and hes an early riser he has a routine of going to bed at 7pm even on weekends the only time this changes is if we are on holiday then he goes when we go I think its important he has a routine plus me and dh then get to have couple hrs alone it works well for us but each to their own

Bluedog all kids sleep patterns can be shifted. If you started incrementally putting them to bed later they'd get up later

You think in the 3.11 years of parenting babies/toddlers I haven’t thought of that? Tried it, it worked up to half an hour then that was it.

6 or 7pm bedtimes worked really well for us when they were little. They couldn’t have made it to 8 and woke refreshed at 6 which is great.

Mine would have been unbearably grumpy the day after an 8pm bedtime

Personally I think it matters more that the bedtime is consistent rather than the time. I know someone who’s toddler has no set bedtime and I think that’s worse but it’s also not my place to say anything or really care. My kids are under 3 and go to bed between 6.30-7. Our eldest used to wake at 5am regardless of naps or bedtime he was just up early, luckily they now sleep in until around 6-7am with the eldest coming in to our bed for the last half hour.
I couldn’t cope with a late bedtime, I’m a sahm and feel drained most evenings and those couple hours between their bedtime and my bedtime keep me sane!

Lethaldrizzle that's utter uninformed nonsense.

I don’t understand parents putting their children to bed late or letting the children put themselves to bed late and then the children all bleary eyed and dragging themselves through school the next day.