To not get why people put their DC to bed early

[RogerThatOver]

...when it's unnecessary?

I get that if you all have to be up and out for 7.30 then they'd need to be in bed early.

But my SIL has 3 DC under 5, none at school and no plans to return to work at any point. Her DC are in bed for 6pm. That means being stuck in the house from 4pm every day which I would hate. They get up at 5/5.30 which she complains about endlessly but what does she expect if they go to bed so early? They can't go on days out because the DC are tired by lunch time and have to be home to nap, they don't do family parties or weddings because the DC cannot travel after 3pm and need to be home to wind down for bed by 4pm.

I also have 3 DC under 5. Mine go to bed at 9 and get up at around 8, sometimes later at the weekend. We can have full days out, if there's a party or wedding they can happily stay up until midnight. We can go to the park til bedtime in the summer and never need to rush home. They have an older sibling at school and are all ready on time to take her at 8.30 so their bedtime won't need major adjustment when they start school.

SIL and MIL are both very judgey about my DC's bedtime with SIL saying at the weekend that my DC must be 'chronically overtired' because they were still dancing at a family party at midnight. The hours of sleep they get are actually no different but IMO a later bedtime means my DC can do more in life. SIL admits she spends every morning drinking coffee with the kids watching tv until 10 because she's so tired, then if they go out they need to be home for naps by 12. She doesn't seem happy with the way things are but so many people seem to think it's just the way things must be with young DC.

AIBU to not understand the obsession with early bedtimes, coupled with complaints about early rises?

Agree but .... just let each other be

'Comparison the the thief of joy'

How about you do your thing and she does hers? Everyone’s happy

So reassuring to hear that there are so many parents out there who went through what we did with our early rising eldest. It really is a special kind of hell. We used to sleep in shifts and when I complained to friends about being knackered they'd come out with gems like "have you tried putting him to bed later?" Wow, hadn't thought of that...

All kids are different. My second child was sleeping 11pm to 6.30am on her second night home from hospital and I was up poking her to make sure she was OK. She has always been able to stay up later and sleep in the following morning.

My son was on a 7 pm bedtime till at least 7 or 8. He was then on 7:30 bedtime in principle till about 10, and 8 ish at 11. It is only in the last year (he's 12) that he has started to COPE with being up late and able to sleep in (sometimes) to catch up. Until 6 months ago, not being awake in the morning meant he was probably unwell. 7 am is a sleep in.

I have a number of memories from when he was little of being at some party / family event / whatever, and finding that he'd taken himself off and curled up to go to sleep. Or if we were at home he actually put himself to bed a couple of times age 3.

My 4th DC hes 4 will wake up anytime from 4am onwards regardless of what time he goes to bed, last night it was 8.45pm and hes been up since 5.30am I need him to settle earlier on an evening so his bedtime is 7pm so i can wind down before going to bed at 9pm so i can guarantee a few hours unbroken sleep.
I spend my days trying to wear him out and my evenings trying to persuade him to sleep.

Mine are in bed for 6.30

I value my evenings to myself more than an extra hour in the morning

"Some children wake up early regardless of when they go to bed, some children don't fall asleep until late regardless of when they got up"

This ^^
Although your SIL does sound a little inflexible. How on earth will she manage when they start school?

DD was never an early to bed child, and never slept for 12 hours. She sleeps more now as a teenager than as a baby/toddler/small child.

I think the earliest I managed to get her to go to sleep was 8.30 when she was small. She just wasn't tired or ready to go to bed. She dropped naps when she was two. It did mean that she was never an early riser.

On the one occasion she fell asleep at 6pm she woke up at 11pm raring to go and wouldn't go back to sleep for several hours.

No one is right and no one is wrong.

It's what works best for you.

Personally I think 6 is too early and 9 would be too late for me and so I did 7.30 bedtime.

I value my evenings to myself more than an extra hour in the morning

I’m with you on this one. I like being able to get some bits done in the evening and have a rest with DH, whilst still being able to go to bed at a decent hour ready for a wake up between 6-7. My DD is usually in bed between 7-7.30.

I’d personally find it hard if my child isn’t go to bed until 9, regardless of what time they woke up, but each to their own.

I value my evenings to myself more than an extra hour in the morning

Yes me too.
Why on earth does their bedtime routine take 2 hours?! Mine go to bed at 7 but we can be out until 6.30, quick bath and story then bed.

DD1 sleeps 7-7.30. DD2 has got up at 5.30am since birth, regardless of what time she goes to bed. Even if 11pm.

Two of my kids used to wake at 5:30am every morning it didnt matter what time I put them to bed, Therefore to make sure they had a good night sleep they would be in bed for 6:30pm, You are being really judgy towards your sister you would all be alot happier if you stopped comparing your own lives and thinking you do it better.

I had three under four (including a couple of early risers) and their bedtime was around 7/7.30. To me, your SIL’s bedtime sounds early and yours sounds late - but whatever works for both of you is fine

All kids are different. Your routine works for you but that doesn't mean it would work for your niece and nephews.

I have one DC (2.9) who doesn't sleep until at least 9pm and even then I have to go up and lay down with her. 9 times out of 10 I just go to bed then myself.... sometimes it can take a good hour to get her off.

It's horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Some days I have not a moment to myself.

Yesterday she had a 1.5h nap (I only let her nap if she is really tired), didn't nod off until after 10pm and is up already.

Other DC sleeps 11 hours a night, such a waste to have an amazing sleeper when I have such an awful one.

I would adore an hour or two to myself in the evening. Doesn't happen though.

My eldest had to be in bed at 6.45 plus he needed to sleep for 2 hours a day IN HIS COT and he woke up by 5am regardless of when he went to bed. He never slept through until he was 3.5. Those years were fun. Luckily at 15 I can't drag him out of bed. In those days of we didn't stick to the routine he was beyond vile.

My others were fine and although they had. 7pm bedtime they were way more flexible and we could chop and change as needed. Different children

6pm is too early and it sounds like it isn't working for your sister as she complains about their early start so to all the pps who say leave your sis alone cos she's happy - well she's obviously not! As for 9pm that's way too late for me. I need grownup time!

It drove me mad listening to mil and sil tell me to just put my ds to bed later to get a lie in... Your lucky if that worked for you but it doesn't for everyone and the judging has to stop. We parent the child we are given and each is different.

Mine would wake at 5.30 whatever time he went to be, he slept for 12 hours a night so the earlier we got him to bed the better for us.

I remember asking for advice on here during my sleep deprivation and quite a few replies said to choose whether you want the evenings or mornings to yourself. I chose evenings so he went up 6.30 -7, and I loved having the evenings to myself with dp.

I was the Sahm , my kids 6 and 4, both are in bed for 7pm. Both up between 5.30am and 6.30 every morning. If they are put to bed later they don't sleep any longer.

Also being with two children all day every day is exhausting at one point I had two under two. I needed them in bed at a decent time for my mental health, I was exhausted and I need to have sufficient time to myself before it all started again the next morning.

I took them out everyday, I don't drive so we walked everywhere. I also had two children that didn't sleep through the night until the oldest was 3 . It was so hard.

Now they sleep and are at school , it's a 100 percent better . I don't mind the waking up early as because like right now I'm snuggled under a blanket whilst they watch tv and we are all refreshed for the day.

Every child is different , my two go to bed early and wake up early, my sisters kids are different .

I thought there was something to do with melatonin which means you get more restorative sleep before 12, were melatonin naturally drops off?

And children are especially sensitive and need 4-5 hours sleep before midnight.

It really isn't as simple as later bed, later sleep in or early bed early get up.

Have you told your SIL she is doing it wrong? You openly say that SIL and mil are just about your routine, yet your own post reeks of judgement about about your SIL or is that a different kettle of fish because you (believe) your opinion is fact?

As s baby DS woke at 5am. Every single morning. He went to bed at 8 up at 5, 9 up at 5, 1030 up at 5 and a few times at midnight to wake up at 5!. This carried on until he turned 8 when he started waking at 530. He is now 9 and still wakes at 530.

He is asleep by 8 during school time, 930 on a Monday and still wakes up at 530. He is a lot better than he was as a baby during the day and dropped his day sleep at 2.

We certainly don't stay in the house all day everyday and have a 4pm curfew so facilitate him getting to bed early.

And children can be tiring. Please don't start preaching to her that she's doing it wrong because she shouldn't be tired.

So I think yabu as you are not prepared to even try to understand why people have routine and early bedtimes because you think a late night is the answer to early risers.

I’d be more judgey over the lack of routine. But don’t disagree that they seem to be making a rod for their own back. But, unless she’s complaining to you about not being able to take part in this or that, why are you even thinking it?

Judgemental

I have 2 early risers, I can put them to bed at 6.45 and they wake at 5.30 in a good mood and full of the joys. Or I could put them to bed at 9.30 and they'd wake at 5.30 and be a pita all day. Horses for courses really. You know your kids better than anyone so adjust routines to suit.

I'd be less judgemental about each other and just mind your own business. What works for one family or child doesn't work for another

Maybe they don’t want to do family parties and weddings and the ‘wind down’ thing is a convenient excuse to avoid them?

Oh and I love the few hours I get before sitting down for the evening on my own or with my DP and without the kids. I get to bake in peace and watch what I want on telly