To not get why people put their DC to bed early

[RogerThatOver]

...when it's unnecessary?

I get that if you all have to be up and out for 7.30 then they'd need to be in bed early.

But my SIL has 3 DC under 5, none at school and no plans to return to work at any point. Her DC are in bed for 6pm. That means being stuck in the house from 4pm every day which I would hate. They get up at 5/5.30 which she complains about endlessly but what does she expect if they go to bed so early? They can't go on days out because the DC are tired by lunch time and have to be home to nap, they don't do family parties or weddings because the DC cannot travel after 3pm and need to be home to wind down for bed by 4pm.

I also have 3 DC under 5. Mine go to bed at 9 and get up at around 8, sometimes later at the weekend. We can have full days out, if there's a party or wedding they can happily stay up until midnight. We can go to the park til bedtime in the summer and never need to rush home. They have an older sibling at school and are all ready on time to take her at 8.30 so their bedtime won't need major adjustment when they start school.

SIL and MIL are both very judgey about my DC's bedtime with SIL saying at the weekend that my DC must be 'chronically overtired' because they were still dancing at a family party at midnight. The hours of sleep they get are actually no different but IMO a later bedtime means my DC can do more in life. SIL admits she spends every morning drinking coffee with the kids watching tv until 10 because she's so tired, then if they go out they need to be home for naps by 12. She doesn't seem happy with the way things are but so many people seem to think it's just the way things must be with young DC.

AIBU to not understand the obsession with early bedtimes, coupled with complaints about early rises?

Horses for courses.

My children rarely went to sleep before 9pm when they were little which gave me minimal 'childfree' time. They are still night owls in their 20's and rarely go to sleep before 1am.

My friend's son on the other hand was always up by 5am - if he slept in until 6am they would worry he was ill. He's still an early riser and is 21.

Does it really impact on you that much what time her children go to bed? I suppose you could argue that her children will find it easier to get into the routine of nursery/school as they will be feeling bright and breezy in the morning.

I think it's really inappropriate to keep dc up till 9pm.
Day times should focus on the dc and evenings on your partner.
6.30-6.30 I feel is a good routine for under 8's.

My two woke around 5am no matter what time they went to bed. I wasn't obsessive about it but on normal days they would always be in bed by 6:30. The times we were out late they coped just fine and easily stayed up but still woke at 5:30am - just meant they were really cranky the next day.

Maybe she has already tried different routines and it hasn't worked for her?

Yea I think it's weird and would never want that schedule ( 4 pm you have to be in the house for the night? 5 am wake up? Oh screw that!) but I would never make a comment about it or be judgey, and I'd tell them to mind their own when they did it to me.

At some point, the kid is going to start school, meaning that they will have to be up and out of the house relatively early. It makes no sense to be sending them to bed late, getting them into that habit, and then trying to break it.

I don't sleep in. I wake between 5 and 6am regardless, so it bothers me not that my children wake up early too. I'd far rather have a few hours in the evening free.

I think life is nicer when we just worry about our own stuff rather than judging each other. If you just supported eachother instead on how you do things then it would feel much more peaceful.

MyDcAreMarvel what pompous nonsense

At some point, the kid is going to start school, meaning that they will have to be up and out of the house relatively early. It makes no sense to be sending them to bed late, getting them into that habit, and then trying to break it.

But clearly you don't want to watch television in the evenings either!

I personally think 7.00/7.30 is a good time, but that's my choice.

my children and grandchildren in bed at 7 until they were 8 but not rigid if we went out to party's ect usually weekends granddaughter 2 in bed at 7 can be up any time sometimes 6 another day could be 8 both grandchildren never been early early risers

I aimed for 8/8.30pm bedtime for dd - often failed! Yes, she woke later. That was big upside, for dh particularly. It did mean we could do things during the day without worrying too much about upsetting her routine.

My kids are 6,4 and 2. They wake up at 6.00am on the dot 365 days a year, no matter what time they go to bed. They all dropped their day naps before 2. It sucks. If they don’t get 11 hours of sleep at night they can barely function. So of course I send them to bed early every night. 6.45pm bedtime for all three here. One late night equals 3-4 days of misery for the whole family as they try to catch up on sleep. If I sent them to bed later, I would have no time in the evenings with my husband, no time in the mornings as they would still be up at 6 and I would have overtired miserable kids.

It's not really anything to do with you is it?
My ds is 2, he usually goes to bed around 7. But some nights he is tired, so he goes to bed earlier. What should I do? Keep him up on purpose when he's rubbing his eyes and taking me to the stairs to go up to bed?
Personally I think 9pm is far too late for children under 5 to be going to bed.

DD goes to bed at 7-8pm weekdays she gets up at 7-8 am which is fine as she needs to go to school.

Is it really that surprising that all children do not behave in the same way as yours?

My child consistently wakes at 5am. We consider ourselves lucky that he will now play until 5:30-6am. When he was waking at 4:30am we tried EVERYTHING as PP have listed. We managed to get him on an hour by ignoring him.

Oh, and he can stay until 9/10pm at the weekend. He still wakes at 5am. Every. Single. Time.

So no, you've not cracked the Parenting Enigma.

Mines up at 5 am regardless. Tried late to bed, early to bed, a change in naps and nothing helps. Late to bed does however = very grumpy the next day.

By 7pm we're done. And I value the time in the evening with DH.

People do it so that their children develop good circadian rhythms. My parents let me go to bed late when I was a child. My body clock is permanently geared towards waking up no earlier than nine. That means that I chronically exhausted and chronically under perform. Your SIL seems to have taken it to the other extreme but it's still better to wake up really early than to find it impossible to sleep at a normal time.

TTbb that is bollocks. Our body clocks are nature, not nurtured.

I love the evening to myself that's why.

The kids wake early anyways.

I’m struggling to understand why it matters to you? As a parent you make your own choices and do what works for you. My two are 5 and 3 and go to bed at 7pm. We are usually up early for work/school/Nursery and they need their sleep. DH and I also need our own time in the evenings

She's not the only one being "chronically judgy" though is she op? You BOTH need to accept that different routines work for different families. My child point blank refuses to lie in bed after 6am no matter what time he goes to bed so putting him to bed later due to an event or party simply results in a tired and badly behaved child the next day. I'm guessing your SIL has a similar experience.

My DC (7 & 9) wake 6-6.30am regardless of when they go to bed. Both are holy terrors when they are tired so they are both in bed by 7.30pm and lights off by 8pm. Equally, they are and always have been capable of a late night with no grizzling. I like my evenings with DH and our mornings are nice and chilled because the DC arenot being shouted/dragged out of bed for school.

As PP have said, you and SIL would be happier if you just stopped judging each other. You sound frightfully smug I'm afraid.

My ds will always get up between 5-6am, even the times we have been out and he hasn't been to bed until after 10pm.

I also love having my evenings free. It's the only time I can relax and chat to dh. So ds has a strict bedtime of 7pm.

Different people need different routines - some children need a strict routine and the same bedtime every night, other children don't need that. Some children wake up early regardless of when they go to bed, some children don't fall asleep until late regardless of when they got up (e.g. my child...) Just do what suits your family best and don't worry about what others do.

I have a natural night owl, who can happily stay up until midnight or so during the holidays (happens often in the summer as its not dark then) and will just sleep in as long as she needs to which is great for me as I'm a night owl too but hell on a school night as she struggles to sleep at a reasonable time even if she's been up since 7.

My child can stay up late pretty happily and has always been able to do so....but will wake up earlier the next day rather than sleep in, so I'm happy to do it occasionally, but not every day. She's in bed by 7 and wakes up around 6.30/7.

I have a contrary little soandso who wakes proportionately earlier if he goes to bed later. So if he is in bed at 8, he wakes at 6. If he goes at 9, he will wake at 5. If he goes at 7, he wakes at 7. And sadly we had to structure our lives round naps for the first three years as again, no nap meant no nighttime sleep either. Weird.
I really wanted a kid that could sleep whenever wherever. Didn't get one, though.