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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Staying at MIL for Christmas

169 replies

QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 17:49

I know this might seem quite silly and a little early but it's been niggling me since I found out.

My PIL divorced a couple of months ago and my MIL called my OH to ask if we could stay with her from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day so that she wasn't alone. Which we agreed to do as we felt bad for her. We then found out that both SIL and their families will also be going which is fine too. However, MIL called the other day to say that there was no room for me, OH and DC and would we mind getting a hotel. OH told her he'd think about it.

My problem is we were planning on bringing our 2 dogs and cat with us as we don't have money for kennels and all our family is away for the holiday so hotels probably wouldn't be available to us. We also don't have money for a hotel. SIL1 is bringing her bf and SIL2 will be with her dh and dd. AIBU to think it would be more fair for one of them to stop in a hotel as we have more children so would end up more expensive for us (and we'd end up being in 2 different rooms for Christmas). I called MIL and asked this and she said wouldn't be fair on SIL as she wants her bedroom and we would be taking up more room whilst the other families can sleep in one room. I also asked if we could have the living room and bring some ready beds for the kids but she said that she doesn't think it's fair because everyone would feel pressured to move out of the living room so we could sleep. I can't think of any other way out of this so AIBU for arguing back and WWYD?.

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 17:50

I also forgot to say that we will be traveling from London to near Glasgow.

OP posts:
CruzRamirez · 23/10/2017 17:51

Don't go. She's no longer going to be alone.

WitchesHatRim · 23/10/2017 17:51

I wouldn't go tbh. She won't be alone which was your reason for going.

Santawontbelong · 23/10/2017 17:52

Stay at home and enjoy the Christmas you deserve. Relax in the knowledge mil has other relatives around her at Xmas.
Don't compromise your Xmas!!

Palegreenstars · 23/10/2017 17:53

I'd just say you can't afford it and suggest another time.

Did she offer you guys space and then when the others agreed change her mind? That's not fair.

She's not alone if the others are there so unless you and DH really want to go I'd explain the change doesn't work for u

Nocabbageinmyeye · 23/10/2017 17:54

Definitely don't go. She asked you could stay and then bumped ye off to the hotel? That's rude, stay at home

Although she is right about the living room not working

wowfudge · 23/10/2017 17:55

Don't go - explain about the hotel and kennels costs and that she has SIL staying now.

Angelicinnocent · 23/10/2017 17:56

Can't see the living room working to be fair but if you can't afford, tell her that you can't and you'll be staying home for Xmas.

meltingmarshmallows · 23/10/2017 17:56

That’s so rude! You were upheaving your family at Xmas to help her and then she suggests you stay in a hotel Shock? Who wants to spend Xmas in a hotel?

I would 100% not be going. If she’s over subscribed herself she should be honest about that with you.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 23/10/2017 17:57

Don't go! You don't invite someone over then say oh actually you'd better get a hotel.

She's not alone. That's what she wanted. And she's shown her priorities. Fuck that. Have a cosy Christmas with the kids and pets!

Crispbutty · 23/10/2017 17:57

Taking two dogs and a cat all that way is crazy and unfair. Weather could possibly be dreadful too. Stay at home. She's not going to be alone.

If she was then it would have been easier and cheaper to get her a plane ticket to come to you anyway.

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 17:58

I think OH feels a bit left out that his whole family will be there and he doesn't see them as often as I see mine.

Yeah she told us that me and OH could sleep in one room and DC in the other.

I agree in hindsight the living room may be awkward for others. Although she has 2 living rooms so am I wrong in thinking we could move into the other room whilst the dc sleep?.

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 23/10/2017 18:00

Don't go. She changed the rules not you.

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 18:00

Thank you all. Will have a chat with DH and just explain that I don't think it's possible and if he is desperate to see his family (which I can understand) then see if there's anyway to compromise with his Mum about it.

OP posts:
smallmercys · 23/10/2017 18:03

If FIL still lives nearby would he put you up? If he would agree it might also have the secondary benefit of rattling MILs cage enough for her to suddenly see reason.

Glumglowworm · 23/10/2017 18:03

Don't go

She's not alone.

You can't afford a hotel and kennels.

Stay home with DH and DC and animals and call her on the phone.

Maybe visit once SILs and their families have gone, if it's convenient to you

LindyHemming · 23/10/2017 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

martellandginger · 23/10/2017 18:07

Under no circumstances would I stay in 2 hotel rooms with my family over Christmas unless it was somewhere hot, had a pool and served cocktails. Why are you even trying to make it work? Get your turkey ordered and book your delivery slot. She doesn’t want you there.

Joinourclub · 23/10/2017 18:07

It's all about the kids at Christmas. And it's not fair to drag your kids all that way to stay in a cheap hotel.

CamperVamp · 23/10/2017 18:08

I think she doesn't want your two dogs and cat in the house!

It would be MAD to try and take that lot to Glasgow from London, and try and find a hotel that will take 2 dogs and a cat.

There is NO WAY I would drive from London to Glasgow and back in winter, with all those kids and dogs and cat, with only one driving-free day in between.

Is this is what is envisaged:

Drive to Glasgow (7 hours min) on Xmas Eve
ChristmasDay
Drive back on Boxing Day (min 7 hours drive)

That sounds like a dreadful Christmas for the kids. The drives will take way longer given the stops you will need to make.

I wouldn't do it even if you were staying in her house.

TakeMe2Insanity · 23/10/2017 18:08

She has changed the invitation, so you can change your response. Don't go. Besides who wants to travel with 2 dogs and a cat on the motorway to stay in a hotel.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 23/10/2017 18:09

100% do not go.

ToadsforJustice · 23/10/2017 18:11

Don’t go. It’s very rude of MIL to ditch you and your family in favour of SIL. Nice to know your place Shock

Doramaybe · 23/10/2017 18:13

How about a compromise for DH sake. Would it be acceptable to visit MIL the weekend before Christmas, ie the 16/17th.

If that doesn't work out I wouldn't go. MIL is not on her own anymore anyway and the sleeping arrangements are just too awkward. You can always visit for NY.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 23/10/2017 18:13

This will sound harsh, but, the truth of the matter is, you can't afford it. If your DH feels that strongly about it, he can go and sleep on the sofa and you have Christmas, at home, with the DC.