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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Staying at MIL for Christmas

169 replies

QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 17:49

I know this might seem quite silly and a little early but it's been niggling me since I found out.

My PIL divorced a couple of months ago and my MIL called my OH to ask if we could stay with her from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day so that she wasn't alone. Which we agreed to do as we felt bad for her. We then found out that both SIL and their families will also be going which is fine too. However, MIL called the other day to say that there was no room for me, OH and DC and would we mind getting a hotel. OH told her he'd think about it.

My problem is we were planning on bringing our 2 dogs and cat with us as we don't have money for kennels and all our family is away for the holiday so hotels probably wouldn't be available to us. We also don't have money for a hotel. SIL1 is bringing her bf and SIL2 will be with her dh and dd. AIBU to think it would be more fair for one of them to stop in a hotel as we have more children so would end up more expensive for us (and we'd end up being in 2 different rooms for Christmas). I called MIL and asked this and she said wouldn't be fair on SIL as she wants her bedroom and we would be taking up more room whilst the other families can sleep in one room. I also asked if we could have the living room and bring some ready beds for the kids but she said that she doesn't think it's fair because everyone would feel pressured to move out of the living room so we could sleep. I can't think of any other way out of this so AIBU for arguing back and WWYD?.

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 23/10/2017 19:16

You can't be serious about taking a cat with you.

We used to travel all over the US with our two dogs (Lab and Corgi) and our cat. She lived to be 20. We often stayed in hotels with all of them. My brother and SIL travel with their three cats, often staying with us. (We are petless at the moment. Sad)

However, in OPs case, I agree on the staying home or staying with FIL option.

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 19:21

Like I've said my cat will be fine. She is a house cat, she's been raised around dogs and thinks she's a dog and we've traveled since she was born so she's used to travelling and enjoys it. She's more dog than cat.

OP posts:
CamperVamp · 23/10/2017 19:31

She may have just let the invites snowball without thinking it through.

Surely staying at FILS as a base for Christmas at MILS will cause constant aggro and friction? Maybe you could move to hers after the SILS leave?

Mostly I would stay at home and invite ILs to come to you? On tne train. Do they have older persons railcards?

TitaniasCloset · 23/10/2017 19:32

I want to see the catdog. Do you have pics?

starfishmummy · 23/10/2017 19:39

Maybe she only just realised that you plan to add several.animals into the mix...it will be mayhem!! .I'd be uninviting you too

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 19:46

Nope I told her at first that we wouldn't be able to go as we have the animals and she told us that we could bring them and it would be fine.

OP posts:
CakesRUs · 23/10/2017 19:48

I wouldn't go, she's not going to be alone, is she? If she was, I'd definitely not leave her in her own, but she's not.

SenecaFalls · 23/10/2017 19:58

Our cat was an Abyssinian/Burmese cross. Both breeds are known having some dog-like characteristics. Our girl thought she was a Lab; she and our Lab would race each other in fetching games. The real difficulty, and it wasn't that difficult, in long car journeys with her was dealing with the litter box.

So I don't find the journey part so daunting (although I never tried it with small children), but the not having a comfortable place to stay and being expected to go to a hotel is the deal breaker for me.

flumpybear · 23/10/2017 19:59

I’d do what you said and stay with FIL and don’t give her the option then of paying for your hotel after you’ve told her as she’s probably trying to manipulate and ensure FIL gets no kids st Christmas iyswim,

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 20:13

Yeah I'm not too bothered about the journey as I believe if my husband is happy to see his family then it's worth it. I think we will stay with FIL.

OP posts:
Doramaybe · 23/10/2017 20:26

Just a quick question, how would FIL and his new lady friend feel about hosting you all plus babies, dogs and a cat for a week.

Perhaps he is up for it, but it is a lot to ask someone to do over Christmas IMO.

Hope you don't think I am being harsh. I just wondered.

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 20:50

Don't think you're being harsh at all. I thought this myself but OH Called FIL and asked and he was very happy. He said he really wanted us to meet his new gf and he didn't think anyone would ask. SIL have turned against him a little as he left for a different woman. So our plan is to stay with him.

OP posts:
JamesBlonde1 · 23/10/2017 20:53

No need to go. The others are going. You can stay at home with your family and pets. I'm not that sociable to be happy staying with all those people at someone else's house Halloween Grin

honeyroar · 23/10/2017 21:09

But won't she go mad if you stay with FIL? Surely one of the reasons for her wanting you there all the Xmas period was to gazump him..

And won't it be a bit off to invite yourselves to FIL and new girlfriend's new home for a week over Xmas (complete with all your pets) but bog off for Xmas day itself leaving them as second best?

It sounds like a non winner every way you look at it!

Dumbledoresgirl · 23/10/2017 21:15

What does it matter if the MIL doesn't like the thought of OP staying with FIL? She can't expect her son to cut off all relations with his father, or, if she does expect that, she needs to be quickly disabused of that notion.

Butterymuffin · 23/10/2017 21:18

Shift going to MIL's to Boxing Day. Sorted.

Swirlingasong · 23/10/2017 21:25

Hang on a minute, she has three children of her own but looks down on you as lower class for having four?!

SenecaFalls · 23/10/2017 21:40

I think OP said they wanted even more DC. So what is MIL's upper limit for acceptable middle class procreation?

happypoobum · 23/10/2017 21:48

I think staying with FIL as MIL has bumped you is a perfect response Grin

I bet she will hate it though. If she starts running you down you can just wax lyrical about FILS lovely home and charming partner and how welcome they have made you feel......

LondonGirl83 · 23/10/2017 21:54

Great solution! Glad your FIL is happy to host you and that your DH will get to see his entire family. Definitely on go to MIL on Boxing Day though. FIL has earned Christmas day :)

timeisnotaline · 23/10/2017 22:00

I like happypoobums approach. 'It's even just like home, they've made us so welcome and feels so festive!' Christmas Day at fils as you're staying there , maybe pop over to mild to say hello in the afternoon before coming back to relax. And think happily that you're not leaving at 6pm to go to a cheap hotel to put the children to bed and twiddle your thumbs.

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 22:03

We will stay with FIL all Christmas Day, and go to MIL's for Boxing Day.

She thinks that any more than 3 children is irresponsible pp.

Thank you all again. Will definitely revisit this thread and let you all know how it went.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 23/10/2017 22:13

Has DH agreed this with you?

Please report back when he has told MIL Grin

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 22:35

He told her and she wasn't very happy!. She started saying how she didn't realise we were that unhappy with the arrangement and that we can stay in the living room if we really had to. She then said that she was the one who invited us in the first place so we should be staying with her and not FIL.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/10/2017 22:43

But she uninvited you and said stay in a hotel!!!

You are hotel of FIL.

Let her sulk.