Staying at MIL for Christmas

[QueenInTheNorth26]

I know this might seem quite silly and a little early but it's been niggling me since I found out.

My PIL divorced a couple of months ago and my MIL called my OH to ask if we could stay with her from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day so that she wasn't alone. Which we agreed to do as we felt bad for her. We then found out that both SIL and their families will also be going which is fine too. However, MIL called the other day to say that there was no room for me, OH and DC and would we mind getting a hotel. OH told her he'd think about it.

My problem is we were planning on bringing our 2 dogs and cat with us as we don't have money for kennels and all our family is away for the holiday so hotels probably wouldn't be available to us. We also don't have money for a hotel. SIL1 is bringing her bf and SIL2 will be with her dh and dd. AIBU to think it would be more fair for one of them to stop in a hotel as we have more children so would end up more expensive for us (and we'd end up being in 2 different rooms for Christmas). I called MIL and asked this and she said wouldn't be fair on SIL as she wants her bedroom and we would be taking up more room whilst the other families can sleep in one room. I also asked if we could have the living room and bring some ready beds for the kids but she said that she doesn't think it's fair because everyone would feel pressured to move out of the living room so we could sleep. I can't think of any other way out of this so AIBU for arguing back and WWYD?.

Yeayyyyyy

I wouldn't go. If you can't afford it don't go.

Don't go. Go at Easter, that'll be nice. Leave pets at home with pet sitter.

Hurrah for common sense prevailing

I do feel a little concerned that AIBU threads are completely one sided, particularly with MILs. The gleeful rubbing of hands over MIL's distress is unedifying.

This woman has been left recently following decades of marriage and what sounds like an affair and asked her son and family (who travel a lot and happily) to visit at a difficult time. Yes plans then changed. Perhaps the SILs were thrilled at a family Christmas after seeing their mother devastated and invited themselves. Perhaps MIL wanted everybody there and suggested the hotel because it seemed logical and fair to her and she's trying to manage a tough situation.

Of course MIL may be the cold, calculating and one dimensional character painted by the op in her cast of dog cats and wicked SILs. Who knows? But must we so delightedly cackle along at MIL's pantomime denouement?

Your FIL sounds more sensible than your MIL OP. Enjoy a lovely christmas in your own home this year.

Anyone suspect that FIL's girlfriend didn't fancy 4 small children and 3 animals descending on her house for a week?

In a bizarre way this thread has cheered me up! Your family sounds amazing (4 young dcs, dogs and a cat that think it’s a dog ) and I’m glad Christmas will be a bit easier for you now- hopefully this won’t create a rift with MIL, but im sure any sane, reasonable person would understand why her plans couldn’t happen!

Or maybe FIL's girlfriend isn't terribly precious about where she spends Christmas (and is also thinking she won't have to cook)

I'd love to hear/see MIL's reaction when she finds out about this latest update. Maybe she'll think twice now before so openly favouring her daughters over her son and his family. (Or maybe not, if this is so entrenched in her).

It's nice of FIL to offer to come down and save you the trip. We only have 2 kids (and 2 cats, but we don't travel with them) and after travelling 5 hours to family for DS's first Christmas, we told everyone on that side that they were more than welcome to stay with us but that we would be spending all future Christmases at home while our children were young!

Is your OH happy with the new plan, though? You said he was looking forward to seeing his whole family, which he won't now. I'd plan a trip up there at some other time, assuming he's not now blacklisted!

FWIW, I think MIL was being hugely unreasonable inviting you and then expecting you to stay in a hotel once SILs decided they could visit. Whether she was doing it to spite FIL or not, that's just not a decent thing to do.

Perhaps MIL wanted everybody there and suggested the hotel because it seemed logical and fair to her and she's trying to manage a tough situation.

No. It seemed logical to her as she's trying to manipulate the situation. But it wasn't tough. If you have invited too many people, you discuss with those people how you can manage the situation, and if people invite themselves, you talk to them and explain. That could be awkward, but its not tough.

Please do update again OP and well done for holding your nerve.

I do feel a little concerned that AIBU threads are completely one sided, particularly with MILs. The gleeful rubbing of hands over MIL's distress is unedifying. Yes it's a bit nasty to say the least.

I think the reaction of many would have been the same had it been a mil/fil/DM/long lost aunt

The fact is the mil invited op. Then said there was no room so they'd have to stay at a hotel (knowing full well this was expensive and nigh on impossible to find for a large family)

the op made suggestions of alternatives - sleeping in the second lounge but the mil said no. Sils could not possibly be moved despite being a smaller family unit

It was only when the op said they couldn't make it an were going to her fils that miraculously space was found at the inn.

Cynical me says it's only because newly divorced mil is playing her children in a battle for affection. Add in also the fact that DH is used to being the last in line for affection behind his sisters which is terribly sad.

So no. I have bugger all sympathy for the mil. But it's not because it's a mil. It's because she's shown herself to be manipulative and rude to her own family

OP, Am I right in thinking that you and DH haven’t met your FiL’s GF yet? Isn’t it risky having someone you’ve never met, in your home for a few days over Christmas? Particularly as it appears that your FiL left his wife for her?
Apologies if I am assuming too much about their relationship.

OH is ok with the arrangements as we will visit his family once we save a bit of money up and can get someone to house sit and look after pets.

FIL didn't have an affair, he met gf and when he realised he loved her he told MIL and left before even going ahead with new relationship. Of course we don't know for sure if this is true but this is what we've been told and even MIL has told us.

I don't think it's too risky, we've chatted on the phone a lot and facetimed a few times and she seems lovely. Of course you can never be sure but I can't see anything happen. May I ask why you think because FIL left his wife for her that makes her more dangerous?.

We will be calling MIL to let her know. We aren't malicious people and would never do anything to hurt MIL but the way she has treated us doesn't sit well with me. From what I can gather she didn't think SIL would be able to stay so invited OH, when she realised they could she decided to push us out. We usually just go with the flow and don't like causing trouble so I think she expected us to do the same for Christmas.

I think she has done you a favour with her shoddy treatment of you. It means you can happily stay at home guilt free,

Please take no notice of the one or two posters who have leapt to MIL's defence. Such posts are to be found on every MIL thread regardless of circumstances/facts/the details etc. Every single MIL thread.

It does get tiresome.

Thank you Ella