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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Staying at MIL for Christmas

169 replies

QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 17:49

I know this might seem quite silly and a little early but it's been niggling me since I found out.

My PIL divorced a couple of months ago and my MIL called my OH to ask if we could stay with her from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day so that she wasn't alone. Which we agreed to do as we felt bad for her. We then found out that both SIL and their families will also be going which is fine too. However, MIL called the other day to say that there was no room for me, OH and DC and would we mind getting a hotel. OH told her he'd think about it.

My problem is we were planning on bringing our 2 dogs and cat with us as we don't have money for kennels and all our family is away for the holiday so hotels probably wouldn't be available to us. We also don't have money for a hotel. SIL1 is bringing her bf and SIL2 will be with her dh and dd. AIBU to think it would be more fair for one of them to stop in a hotel as we have more children so would end up more expensive for us (and we'd end up being in 2 different rooms for Christmas). I called MIL and asked this and she said wouldn't be fair on SIL as she wants her bedroom and we would be taking up more room whilst the other families can sleep in one room. I also asked if we could have the living room and bring some ready beds for the kids but she said that she doesn't think it's fair because everyone would feel pressured to move out of the living room so we could sleep. I can't think of any other way out of this so AIBU for arguing back and WWYD?.

OP posts:
Billben · 23/10/2017 18:39

You have four kids under 5, cats and dogs and you think YBU not wanting to stay in a hotel after driving across the UK on Christmas Eve! Stay at home and save yourself the hassle. You could even invite your FIL down. I sure as heck would be doing just that. How is your MIL and FIL situation? Could she be inviting everybody to hers so nobody can go to his?

BewareOfDragons · 23/10/2017 18:40

Have your DH tell her that you'll be staying in your home for the holidays this year. Make no excuses. She lied to you about being 'lonely' (with no thought for FIL, apparently), and now she wants it to cost you a lot of money that you don't have on top of it. Sorry, no.

And do let your DH deal with her. It's his mum. She's unable to host you as you need to be hosted and he needs to deal with her.

ZenNudist · 23/10/2017 18:42

More people coming further distance with pets and invited first get the beds. Mucking you round is effectively uninviting you. Your poor dh. Have his sisters alwats been favoured?

Let him try to persuade his dm to change her mind. Simple fact is that if SILs can both fit in one room each in her house then it will only cost them one hotel room each whereas it giing to cost you 2 plus kennels .

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 23/10/2017 18:42

'So pleased you suggested that we stayed elsewhere otherwise we wouldn't have realised FIL was alone.'

strongasmeringue · 23/10/2017 18:43

She's not thinking about her ex wanting to see his family at Christmas is she? I'd invite him down for a week and have a lovely time.

AdalindSchade · 23/10/2017 18:45

Go and spend Christmas with FIL, going to MIL's for a family meal on Boxing Day or something

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 18:45

She has been quite sour about the divorce as FIL left her for another woman. So the suggestion that it's just a big blast of having all the kids over does sound likely. We have a minibus which is why we can accommodate everyone. I didn't even think about it as only having one day off from driving. I might call FIL and ask if he can have us over, I'm sure he'd love it and it would be possible for us to stay for a bit longer then (from Christmas Eve to NY). Will let you all know what happens. Thank you all again, I don't feel like the wicked DIL anymore.

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 23/10/2017 18:45

Or invite him to you, even better

GinIsIn · 23/10/2017 18:47

Wow that's rude! She's invited you then bumped you - not on!

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 18:48

The cat would be fine as we travel a lot and she's ok with it and actually enjoys it (she's been surrounded by dogs since birth so I'm pretty sure she thinks she's a dog). She's always favoured her dd's over DH. She also has never been overly fond on our family as we are very family orientated and even want more dc, which is something she deems 'lower class'.

OP posts:
Namechangetempissue · 23/10/2017 18:49

The more I read, the more I think you would be bonkers to go! Second best as well?

StaplesCorner · 23/10/2017 18:52

That sounds like a nightmare? Kids, dogs, long drives, terse families, oh no please don't! Or come back and amuse us all with what a disaster it was.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/10/2017 18:53

You would be crazy to go along with this crazy nightmare of a 3 ring circus. Stay home and enjoy your family. As a Christmas gift, purchase a flight for your MIL so she can visit you.

TheABC · 23/10/2017 18:54

Please just invite FIL and stay home!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/10/2017 18:54

I wouldn't give this anymore head space. Stay at home, with your family and pets, invite FIL over to you, save your money, and have a very happy Christmas !

Butterymuffin · 23/10/2017 18:54

It's very rude of her to retract your invite to stay when you were asked first, and it's simply unrealistic to expect a family with several young children and pets all to cram into hotel rooms for Christmas. Don't let her soft soap your DH into thinking this is OK. It isn't.

3out · 23/10/2017 18:56

You have 7 very valid excuses why you can’t make it.

Stay at home and enjoy Christmas just yourselves.

Christmas in a 3 bed house with 7 adults, at least 6 children, two dogs and a cat does not sound like fun (but does sound like an alternative version of The 12 Days of Christmas)

Witsender · 23/10/2017 19:00

Er, no. Fuck that.

Fluffycloudland77 · 23/10/2017 19:00

Kinda seeing why he left her if she does this kind of thing.

Personally I think she wants you all there so you're not with him

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 19:02

Thank you. We will have a very big conversation about it. I understand him wanting to see his family as we rarely travel to Scotland (as you can tell it's not easy). And his sisters live up there and go to uni there so it's rare they're all together. I wouldn't mind travelling up to be with FIL. If we do go I will definitely come back with some stories to tell you all anyway.

OP posts:
milliemolliemou · 23/10/2017 19:05

Agree with PPs. Have Christmas by yourselves. Or go up early, stay with FIL for longer and go over to MIL for lunch one day. Or go up another time when you can stay with MIL and visit FIL. Glasgow's wonderful so it's worth a week of anyone's time even with Noah's Ark. But don't you end up handling the call, that's DP's job.

category12 · 23/10/2017 19:05

You can't be serious about taking a cat with you. Hmm

Whocansay · 23/10/2017 19:07

I would decline the invitation. Invite FIL to yours instead. All that driving with so many children and animals sounds bloody awful or all of you. Maybe she doesn't really want you there, just thought she should ask you. It's either that or she's being vindictive and wants FIL to be alone. I can't think why she'd ask you to do something so ridiculously unwelcoming otherwise.

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 19:10

We've agreed that if we do go up at all we will stay from Christmas Eve to NY with FIL and visit MIL for lunch. The cat will be fine too!.

OP posts:
category12 · 23/10/2017 19:16

How will the cat be fine? They hate travelling, they hate new places, if it escapes it'll get lost, it would stress it out of its tiny mind. Surely if you have a cat you have a neighbour who could feed it.