Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Staying at MIL for Christmas

169 replies

QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 17:49

I know this might seem quite silly and a little early but it's been niggling me since I found out.

My PIL divorced a couple of months ago and my MIL called my OH to ask if we could stay with her from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day so that she wasn't alone. Which we agreed to do as we felt bad for her. We then found out that both SIL and their families will also be going which is fine too. However, MIL called the other day to say that there was no room for me, OH and DC and would we mind getting a hotel. OH told her he'd think about it.

My problem is we were planning on bringing our 2 dogs and cat with us as we don't have money for kennels and all our family is away for the holiday so hotels probably wouldn't be available to us. We also don't have money for a hotel. SIL1 is bringing her bf and SIL2 will be with her dh and dd. AIBU to think it would be more fair for one of them to stop in a hotel as we have more children so would end up more expensive for us (and we'd end up being in 2 different rooms for Christmas). I called MIL and asked this and she said wouldn't be fair on SIL as she wants her bedroom and we would be taking up more room whilst the other families can sleep in one room. I also asked if we could have the living room and bring some ready beds for the kids but she said that she doesn't think it's fair because everyone would feel pressured to move out of the living room so we could sleep. I can't think of any other way out of this so AIBU for arguing back and WWYD?.

OP posts:
PandorasXbox · 23/10/2017 18:14

It’s a no brainier! She’s not on her own so you can spend Christmas at home. Can’t get my head around inviting someone to stay and then asking them to go to a hotel.

Original poster
QueenInTheNorth26 · 23/10/2017 18:15

I'm so glad people are seeing it from my POV!. The dogs are fine with travelling and so is the cat, but it would mean stopping constantly to let them out for wees etc. The kids will be 5,3,18 months and 5 months old so obviously the drive won't be enjoyable. We would make it work if it came to it. FIL definitely would put it up, although if he did I think I'd be inclined to spend the day with him instead of leaving him to be with MIL as I think that is such a shame for him. DH said he will call MIL and see what he can do. I thought I was being a little uptight about it all but I'm glad to see I'm not!.

OP posts:
HermionesRightHook · 23/10/2017 18:16

Goodness stay home. If you're anywhere near central London take the kids in for a massively eerie walk/drive round it empty.

IamalsoSpartacus · 23/10/2017 18:16

Don't go. Unless she pays for the hotel.

AppleKatie · 23/10/2017 18:17

Nope don't go. Staying in a cheap hotel for christmas is NOT fun for your kids or you- I mean what are you and DH going to do of an evening once they are asleep in said hotel? apart from the obvious quietly I mean, but after that?

LindyHemming · 23/10/2017 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwattyCatty · 23/10/2017 18:18

I wouldn't go. She asked you to come stay so she wouldn't be alone, now her dd's can come so you can fuck off to a hotel? I don't think so!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 23/10/2017 18:18

What's your fil doing for Christmas?

As they've only just divorced this is their first Christmas apart?

I'll bet anything your mil just wanted to get in first and have all the children at hers for Christmas. I don't think she actually cares that you can't all come. The important thing is, you're not with the fil, her ex.

Sorry the whole thing smacks of childish 'oooh the kids are on my side' games. I hope I'm wrong.

But why the fuck invite everyone if you don't have enough space. And who thinks it's ok for a guest to be sent packing to a hotel?!

timeisnotaline · 23/10/2017 18:22

Definitely don't go! You can't afford it, she won't be alone and she isn't being particularly nice to you about it! That trip with 4 small children sounds horrendous, plus Christmas in a cheap hotel... ugh.

Allthebestnamesareused · 23/10/2017 18:23

As she is not on her own you no longer should feel obliged to go.

Ask her to come down for New Year instead.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 23/10/2017 18:27

Oh God, no!

I'm familiar with the journey and driving involved and wouldn't do it even if it was just me - let alone with three animals and four kids aged 5 and under!!

Nikephorus · 23/10/2017 18:27

Your cat would cope? Mine complains on the 5 minute trip to the vet (while I'm reversing off the drive!). I wouldn't go - she's got company so you can stay home & enjoy yourself.

inlectorecumbit · 23/10/2017 18:29

A kennel for 3 pets for 2-3 night ( our kennel doesn't allow pick up's on boxing day)
A hotel over Christmas for 2 nights
Petrol to drive London - Glasgow

Eh NO. Does you MIL think you are made of money? Stay at home and see MIL in the NY

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 23/10/2017 18:30

'All sorted MIL, we will stay with FIL and come over to yours after lunch about 3ish while he takes the dogs for a walk' 😁😁

blueskyinmarch · 23/10/2017 18:31

Don't go. Instead invite your FIL down to stay with you, then your DH will have family with him at Christmas.

derxa · 23/10/2017 18:31

Normally I'm not in the 'Don't go' crowd but this is just ridiculous. What sort of car do you have that could accommodate a dog, a cat and 4 such young children. When we had young children we never went up to Scotland for Christmas. The journey is bad enough without the threat of snow and traffic jams. And all that way for one day. Please tell me you're joking!

RiversrunWoodville · 23/10/2017 18:32

FIL might be a good idea, is he on his own?

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/10/2017 18:34

Four kids including two babies!!! Do not go.

She has been incredibly rude to offer you two bedrooms then have your children’s Christmas hijacked. The couple with no kids should obviously stay in the living room or a hotel. But that’s not your job to suggest this.

Tell her very clearly you were going up to support her. She has decided to have her dds so she doesn’t need you. Let her visit in the new year. It’s far easier for her to come to you.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 23/10/2017 18:34

Stay at home and invite FIL to stay with you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/10/2017 18:35

Yes agreed invite fil.

schoolgaterebel · 23/10/2017 18:36

You are driving from London to Glasgow (probably a 9 hour journey each way?) for a 3 night stay with four children (one of them a baby), two dogs and a cat.

Sorry that sounds like madness, and a very selfish request (demand) from MIL.

Namechangetempissue · 23/10/2017 18:36

Good grief, you would be crazy to go! Sounds like hell for all involved on the journey -very young children, dogs, cat all on Christmas Eve. Add on paying for hotel, pet accommodation (if you can even get a hotel and it will be premium rate over Christmas) -no thanks.
Phone MIL, thank her for the invite but decline for reasons above. Go and stay in the New Year.

itaintwhatyoudo · 23/10/2017 18:36

So you're thinking of driving from London to Glasgow with 4 DC and 3 pets to see a lonely MIL who actually has all her family to stay and can't put you up?
Can't she fly down to you for NY, it would be much cheaper and far more convenient?

HotelEuphoria · 23/10/2017 18:37

Is she paying for the hotel? If she is then I would go and actually value the privacy.

If not, she is absolutely out of order and has moved the goal posts in favour of her daughters.

I would either go the week before or after ad a PP has suggested or send DH and have a Christmas on my own with the DC!!!! I a man however evil.

derxa · 23/10/2017 18:38

I'm worrying about the poor cat. How will it cope? They're not very flexible.