To ask how having children affected your career?

[Fluffysparks]

Just that really. Were you employed before having the DC, how much time did you take out and do you think it affected your career? I’ve just realised that it probably has with me, in more ways than one, and I’ve been quite lucky as well...

How did it affect my career? Positively. Some may say negatively, if they equate income with success. But I was unhappy in my role. Had been for years. It sucked the soul out of me. I took 12m maternity leave when I had DS1 then went back under the pretence of part time (which actually equated to 3 standard full time days and 2 days leaving at midday, whereas before I would be out the house at 5.30am and not home before 9pm). I managed a miserable 6 months before taking redundancy and skipping out the doors; fell pregnant with the DTs almost immediately, and began training to be a CalmFamily Consultant. Love love love my job now and although I earn a pittance in comparison to my previous life I am so much happier, and in turn DH is happier (he just wishes he wasn’t tied to the career he’s in and had the gumption to make that leap of faith and leave)

Mine has been fine but i absolutely realise i am a) extremely lucky and b) in the minority.

I wasnt particularly high up pre dc but had a decent job. Took 9 months off, went part time for a bit but then went full time for a promotion. The company i work for are family run and therefore family friendly and my boss is particularly excellent.

We do pay a fortune in child care but it will pay off in the end i am sure.

For those making the point about after school care being til 6pm or starting at 7.30am and why is that not enough- well it depends what the base line for your industry is and what the norm is for your company/ team. If you are working on a big corporate finance deal then 6pm is wholly inadequate. It's all very well saying "employ a nanny" but that doesn't necessarily make financial sense or you might not want someone living in your house (plus you might only need the hours of 6.30am to school drop off and then pick up til 8pm). My DP also cut his contracted hours back- it's not just a question of me taking all the slack.
Also, to contribute to the depressing tone of the thread, the most successful women I know personally are childless, or so very senior (e.g. 2m pa) that they have sufficient cash to pay for any and every help.

Yup.

To be fair to dh he is a very equal parent (Swedish men tend to be rather more enlightened.) he’s very much of the ‘hes Our kid, I’m just being a parent’ school of thought. He’s up at night, he’s as hood a dad as you could get. it’s not him driving it, but it’s so bloody depressing to see.

The whole experience of being pregnant, giving birth and becoming a mum has been an Eye opener. I am fabulously in love with ds - he is the best kid ever and being his Mum is ace. At the same time its shocked me at time times how much I was treated like a disposable gestation vessel by the medical profession and people generally, how deeply misogynistic medicine is, and how deeply engrained in society these very sexist attitudes run.

I’m afraid it’s made me very cynical and shaken my sense of self worth hugely. As a pp said, my confidence is in my boots. And it’s not getting any better.

I was a manager and regarded as the superglue of the organisation.

One child later (and becoming single parent) I went part time, no longer manage anyone, am not in the loop on work issues, feel nonessential and vulnerable - struggle to find the head space to deal with anything demanding :-/

I have 2 DCs and am an AHP in the NHS. Both times I took 9 months maternity and before DC1 was a FT Band 7, am now 8a with less travel and (thanks to very supportive managers) flexibility even though I work full time. I do work more than my hours most weeks though and have excellent family and childcare which we couldn't manage without.

After first one dropped one day second child left so now have no career but when they leave home I'll be heading back

I had a very well paid job and great career until I was made redundant along with most of the company I worked for (tech downturn). I then found another job however it was much lower paid and I became pregnant soon after. Consequently I became a SAHM for a while until I went back part time. From this point on childcare, pickup, drop off etc etc seem to become my responsiblity, completely my fault this happened but I wouldn't do it like that again. My DH worked abroad for quite a while which made it more difficult for me to go back to any meaningful sort of role. I now do voluntary work and work part time.

In my view until couples start taking complete joint responsility for childcare and home life nothing is going to change. There was an article in the Telegraph at the weekend how many more separations are being led by men. The cited one man who found his wife boring about she became a SAHM and didn't want to go out. It was very depressing as all I could think about was a poor woman who had probably given up her career (probably following a discussion with her husband as that situation would be best for the family), supported her husband whilst he was catapulted up the ladder and took on all the crap only to be left when she didn't have the energy to play hostess for another dinner party. The article also stated that judges are increasingly not giving wives maintenance and are expecting them to go back to work.

So perhaps women will start to sit up and take note - start expecting their DH's to completely do 50:50. If more people did this it would become the norm, be accepted and men and women would be considered equally for promotion.

I had my children very close together and decided to take a career break partly due to childcare costs but also because I really enjoyed being at home with them.
That's not to say, I didn't find it challenging at times and I did miss my career but overall we made the right decision for our family.
I think that's what we're all trying to do, isn't it ?
I never went back to my chosen career ( which I loved and worked very hard for) but I did take some of my skills and use them in the voluntary sector which has led to some exciting opportunities for me now my children are older.
It's not just having children that can stall a career but I had other parental responsibilities which meant that my stress levels would have been through the roof had I continued trying to manage it all.
Also, I didn't have an easy childhood therefore my career ambitions were very much secondary to being a mother.
I'm glad my husband and I have been on the same page with this and have made a pretty good team.

I think most high paying jobs require that there is another parent who is a sahp or works in a flexible pt job, so takes care of the childcare. I think in a couple, only one of you can realistically do most high earning jobs, if you also have small children.

It is possible for the roles to be reversed, so the woman is the high earner, but most couples don't choose this setup, whether it is through biology or social conditioning (I would guess a bit of both, but mostly the second one).

Both dp and I wanted to spend a lot of time with our children and the pay off has been that neither of us earn very much. We can survive because we were lucky enough to buy a house when prices were low, but I don't think everyone has that choice.

I don't think you can blame couples for choosing a setup with one parent earning most of the money and the other one doing the childcare, it is the best way to earn the most money overall. And it will normally be the person whose career hasn't already taken a hit through pregnancy and maternity leave who will have the best earning potential.

I am plateauing after dc1. pregnant with dc 2, have been doing a half arsed job for a month now while trying to pretend I'm not puking regularly and exhausted. Great shared role with dh, excellent (although not wrap around hours) childcare , I do a solid job but I'm not going to be able to commit the extra to move up for a while now.

I think timeismovingon has it right. Complete domestic equality is needed for complete professional equality. I'm fortunate: took 7 months off, came back f/t to a promotion, now substantially out-earn DP. We both work long hours and have no family nearby. I think it is possible for both people to be high earners, and I know quite a few couples who are - after all, what it gives you is the privilege of being able to pay for enough support to make it all workable.

My DP's career hasn't been affected either.

Going back part time damaged my hard fought for career. I went back to my previous managerial role but was very obviously sidelined and excluded from all decision making etc. Then during a subsequent restructure I was not offered my post 'for strategic and operational' reasons and had to take a lower grade post. This was is a public sector organisation which is proud of its iip status and flexible working for staff!!
I've made it work for me though. I am free from (most) stress at work, refuse to feel guilty for being a part timer and am happy to hand any problems upwards. I've pretty much shelved any aspirations of working my way up again though.

It is worthwhile paying FT nursery as you retain recent career experience, when dc at school your only ongoing costs are Afterschool and holiday clubs. So yes it was a lot on nursery fees but def worth it.

The over riding message seems to be that your career doesn't take a hit if you don't take much time off. That's a bit of a sad choice to make. I didn't want to go back to work with a one year old at home

As others have said, I've gone from holding an important position to being pretty much invisible and undervalued now. My work confidence is very very low.

I do think a massive factor is the company/organisation you work for.
I work for a fantastic family friendly org.
Allowed me to come back to work 3 days after 10m mat leave. When dd was 2 I was promoted and so went full time. I was able to do flexible hours to fit in with dh shifts so we could do nursery drop offs/pic ups. We both work around 20/30 min from home/nursery
Currently in a good managerial role with progressional opportunities and I'm very pleased to say 3 of my colleagues in the same level as myself are all mums with young/school age children!
I agree this is the minority and like pp said you need to look at the culture in the organisation. So many senior managers higher than myself are women and mothers in my organisation so the role models and presedence are set

Where I work it is a well known fact that you don’t get promoted if you work part time.

Having children made no difference t my career at all.
I've changed my career several times in the last 20 years.

Why is it sad choice?a child remains loved and held In Mind irrespective of whether mum works.you don’t need to clock up hours at home to retain the bond. A loved attached child remains secure when parents at work. I never had any guilt,turmoil and it never felt sad. I maintained ocontact at work, saw colleagues and visited. You need to look at your overall career path and your child fits in around you, your career. You don’t wholly fit in around the child.

It torpedoed my career. The idea of putting it down here exhausts me.

However it also made me completely rethink what I wanted and now I’m much happier doing something I much prefer.

Financially it’ll take years to recover.

Mrs Scareface, that sounds great but such a pity/disgrace that the organisation you work for seems to be in the minority regarding family friendly policies.

Sad choice because the only way I could have kept my career on track would have been to hand my baby over to some one else to look after

Negatively.

But I don't regret it. I chose to have children. I found it too much trying to juggle a full time job, an hour commute each way, early mornings and late nights, plus doing the childminder drop-off at 7am every day, some pick ups at 6pm, tea, bedtime routines, nightly wake-ups (when he was younger), caring for him when sick, buying clothes and toys, potty training, weaning ....
Half that problem was DH not getting off his arse and it came to a head when I was pregnant with DD. I always wanted 2 children but I never imagined how hard it would be with so little support. The icing on the cake was having a line manager who was evil to the core (long in-depth story) who hated me being pregnant and went on a 3 year revenge to make my life hell.

I went part time. I had to put my priorities first and there was no competition; it was my children. But being part-time means I have a head teacher who doesn't think I am ambitious, over-looks me and doesn't hold me in high regard (hard to believe I was 'graded' outstanding a month before I fell pregnant )

I can pick up my career later when they are older if I want to!