To ask how having children affected your career?

[Fluffysparks]

Just that really. Were you employed before having the DC, how much time did you take out and do you think it affected your career? I’ve just realised that it probably has with me, in more ways than one, and I’ve been quite lucky as well...

Well this is a sobering thread.

I intended to take a few years out but my child has severe sn so decided not to go back because of the level of stress that would create. Going back is currently impossible as childcare for older children with his level of sn is non existent.

I sort of fucked my own career by going into self-employment at 30 and failing miserably (also developing anxiety and depression) so had to start from scratch a few years later, at the same time that realistically I needed to start ttc.

Managed to work my way up despite going pt after having DS and now (back to ft) CEO of a small charity - not very well paid but my name is starting to be known in the industry. Finally age 41 I am pg again after 6 mc and while I am over the moon I won’t be able to carry on my job as it’s very demanding. Plus DS being at school seems to take a lot more energy than nursery did.

So a bit of a mess altogether and we’ll never be well off, but hopefully our family will be in place and at least I know I can start from scratch again when it comes to it.

I think there are so many factors involved. Not just the industry you work in but also your company and your boss' attitude too. For me the key point was where I was on the ladder when I had DC1. I was pretty high up and effectively there's only one more promotion I could get. Has having children put paid to that possibility? I would say yes. Not because I don't work for a flexible company who value working mothers- I really do- but because i simply don't have the time to devote to work. I have a cleaner, I have a supportive partner and good (paid for) child care. The extra hours beyond 6pm, the regular business travel etc that would be expected from a promotion candidate over a 2 year period and that's just to get there.... I can't do that now.

I would really encourage anyone to try and get back to work after maternity leave rather than taking a career break - even part time or whatever, you need to keep your foot in the door and keep up to date with whats happening in your industry. Once you and your family get used to you SAHMing it's harder and harder to go back. In your mind you think "When they start school...." but actually it's just as much of a childcare nightmare with a short school day, endless holidays and what to do if they are ill... and that's before you factor in any SN or stressful family circs.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that no, having DC didn't impact my career negatively. In fact the opposite. However my circumstance is fairly unique:

1. Had DS when I was 22. Am now 29, so nobody actually remembers my being pregnant
2. Took only 6 months mat leave - for financial reasons but made me look very dedicated to the job!
3. No longer with DS' dad and haven't been since he was 1. But we have 50/50 care and are very flexible with each other so I can stay late at work 50% of the time and when I have some overnight travel, XDP is ok to cover and vice versa.
4. Only did part-time once, for a very flexible manager (she had 3 kids herself) and as soon as line manager changed, I went back up to full time.
5. Am always online - no problem with doing emails at 9pm once DS is in bed, super early calls etc.

Being a young mum made me very, very determined to make sure my career is on track. And it's made me negotiate hard for better salaries, pay increases, visibility, which has paid off. I also find that when dealing with stakeholders 10-20 years older than me, saying I have a 6-year-old DS makes me seem like a proper grown-up! Which of course I am... but it's interesting that it seems to give me more credibility. Yes, we have sacrificed and some of those sacrifices meant spending less time with DS. Financially, not having the option NOT to work, has meant that I've been forced down this road. But overall, I don't regret it...

You have a point there fauxfox. Many mums I know who were SAHM for a number of years, and wanted to get back to work once the kids were in school, found the logistics really tough. Many of them ended up searching for that holy grail- a term time, school hours job so they could do all the school runs.

I’m not saying it’s easy- organising wraparound care was a logistical nightmare compared with dropping off at nursery which was open from 7.30 am til pick up. But I think when you’ve got worked through those hugely expensive pre school years, you feel the school years are financial payback in comparison, and are just determined to make it work. Not easy though. As someone with adult children, I can honestly say it’s worth it though, and if people ask me, I always say having kids was the best thing I ever did, and keeping my career going was the second best thing.

I'm also a member of the teen mum brigade. I dropped out of Uni and struggled to get to where I wanted to be for a while due to lack of support and feeling generally unable to cope with workload.
My kids are a now of school age and with support of my workplace (unqualified teacher) I'm now back on track with the OU, studying to complete my degree and hoping to enroll on the new teaching apprenticeship when I'm ready.

I never really had a career to lose in the first place but it makes me really angry that women have to miss out on promotions/career progression because they're also raising a family. Never quite believed the myth that women can 'have it all' - seems too much like a term coined by males which gives females all the responsibility without all the benefits. Am I BU?!

ft band 6 (NHS) before kids, had twins and planned to go back pt band 6 but in the end I applied for a new job while on mat leave.

Now a ft band 5 over 3 days with 5 mins travel rather than the 45 mins I had previously, also earning more money now that I would have been as a pt band 6 due to shift allowance etc.

It's worked in my favour, I've dropped a band but tbh I love my job now, I get in, do what I need to do and go home. Far less stress so I can actually do what I'm supposed to.

Totally ruined my possible career as with a partner working offshore and no family or friends to support with childcare, working became impossible because of the number of days children are too sick for nursery and also because it was important they had stability at home with one parent rarely there etc. I tried to work and had to give it up for these reasons. I had to start over at forty so lost many years. Don't regret it now but I was quite resentful at the time and was always applying for jobs then realising it was not going to work out. This was in the eighties/early nineties when schools didn't have care before and after school.

Stopped it dead.

No-one else would have coped with eldest, so we felt childcare wasn't going to work and 2nd disabled. Definitely no-one else to pick up that bit of slack.

Did alot of voluntary work in the dcs schools, nurseries etc when able and now have a school hours job at less than the minimum wage (when you average it out) which lets me do what's needed with the dc.

What a waste.

Before my first baby, my husband and I were at the same managerial level and earning identical salaries, with a very similar previous career trajectory. 5 years and 2 children on, (3rd due imminently) his earnings have increased by 2.5 and he is now a senior director. I am still a project manager, part time, earning identically to where I started - says it all!

A good story here. No impact at all but that is because I am my own boss and built up my consultancy business before having a baby late at 42. It took about 6 months to get back up to capacity (4 days a week) but that was my choice. DH also has his own business so we are able to share nursery runs and be flexible with taking work. We have no family support and I am by far the higher earner.

I would like to see the DH side of all of the stories above. I can't imagine that every woman of child bearing age has a husband with a better career/higher pay than them making it sensible for the woman's career to take a back seat when children come along. How impacted are these men's careers and who made the choices?

Behemond - yes you are right. My ex was on an amazing career trajectory which, so far as I can see, was impacted not one iota by having children. ironically when we met I had the better career path laid out although he would have ended up earning more by nature of the filed he was in whereas I am in education. The choices were mainly his i guess as I never felt I had a choice without adversely impacting the well being of my daughters.

From being a graduate and then a trainee systems analyst, I went back as a part time teaching assistant and then returned to uni for my PGCE. I graduated when it was very very hard to get a full time teaching primary job in the South West and so that potential was never fully realised. My ex, needless to say, earns a very high daily rate and has a portfolio of properties and pensions whereas i have none. I have two well balanced and successful adult daughter thankfully so i kind of got my reward but it wasn't thanks to the ex really.

1 dc and want one more. Had slightlybover a year (no daycare here will take under ones and there are only two intakes a year.)

Demoted upon return to work :/ I was in a position where they had to promote me or get rid of me and they chose the latter. One year post mat leave I’m still in a lower post (grade and pay the same but nowhere near the same job) and career is dead in the water.

Dhs career has surged ahead. I’m of course happy for him but deeply depressed at how I was treated.

We both took a days leave recently to deal with ds being ill. The response to dh was ‘oh modern man aren’t you wonderful taking care of your adorable boy etc.) to me it was “can’t someone else look after him?’

I think having children will do me out of about ten years of career progress.

DD is six weeks old. I went back (self employed, remote) when she was a week old. I don’t need the money but want to keep my foot in the door. It’s very, very difficult.

NHS here, band 5 when had ds, had 2 promotions since ( ds is 7)so now band 7, but didn't go part time and studied a fair bit in my own time. Thinking only having the one child makes it a bit easier.

It has kind of.
I was made redundant at 18 weeks with my eldest so didn't return until my youngest was 3.

I was only 20 then and just turned 28. Been back at work for nearly 3 years.

So in working experience only three solid years experience, and I'm aiming for a management roll next year.

I did shit hours in NMW job for 18months before stepping into a different industry. And I moved industry again start of this year. I now work for an international marketing company and have s good job, good wage for my experience and excellent benefits. I also have a good degree of flexibility for stepping out for school stuff, and working hours so as long as I do my contracted hours in a week...when I do them is largely my choice. I love it and owe the company a lot.

It's paused until my kids are older and more self sufficient. Pay hasn't been affected. My job has pay spines and I've continued to move up 1 spine point per year as I would have if I'd never taken mat leave. That is down to my lovely employer :)

I now work part time though, so will not be considered for any leadership progression or promotion which sucks. I recently saw a list of people being shortlisted for a future leadership course on my boss' desk (accidental, I was walking past it and saw a few names) 2 of the names were full timers who joined after me (one was my mat cover who was kept on) That was a bit of a wake up call that my career has been set aside while my children are young.

What a horrible read.

All these educated successful women basically giving up their career, financial stability, pension etc to have children and let their husband/partner continue as if he never had children.

Lala you are an excellent example of why it's not a bad idea to have your kids young. Often women who have their kids older and halfway through an established career, have to choose one or the other after the kids have come along. The only older women I know who have stellar careers after kids, went back to work soon after (3 months etc) and did nurseries and nanny's all the way.

Well ds is 13 this week. I am on exactly the same pay and level that I was before I started having children . Dh's career on the other hand has really taken off.

It affected it positively. I have been promoted twice and now earn 25% more. I am a qualified professional in the finance industry.

When I returned from MAT leave my company were worried I wouldn't have much to come back for (in a way they were right- coming back and taking back over from maternity cover must be so hard!) and coincidentally a more senior role came up shortly after I gave birth. I interviewed but didn't get it, but later another senior role came up which I got. I did struggle on my return- lack of flexibility and high pressure- but got head hunted into another similar, but more highly paid role which was handy as I only had about 6 months experience in the job!

That move was also fairly negative so moved again, same role, closer to home, same money, better conditions, fantastic opportunities for progression.

I know that sounds negative but overall our lives are greatly improved and I've progressed a lot. We enjoy the additional money (to be fair, nursery fees were always a fairly small part of my pay so that was a pressure gone) and DC have thrived. The extra money has meant DH was able to become self employed and now that's also going well.

This thread makes very sad reading, especially when you consider what the equivalent would be if it was fathers answering instead.

To add- we have also planned out children around careers so had them later (mid 30s) when they were established and we have timed the children around the cost of childcare, which isn't ideal.
Big sacrifices but worth it if you want it all!