To ask how having children affected your career?

[Fluffysparks]

Just that really. Were you employed before having the DC, how much time did you take out and do you think it affected your career? I’ve just realised that it probably has with me, in more ways than one, and I’ve been quite lucky as well...

Well we have just emigrated with our 1 year old to France - were in London before with stressful jobs, I was planning to go part time but decided we would try for a better quality of life for us, have now moved, DH (French) job is not working out so now exploring doing our own business. Children change everything and priorities change.

It killed it.

I'm now looking at retraining for a position within the NHS mental health sector.

Couldn't afford childcare after second DC, I now work part time (20/24 hours a week) in a local pub restaurant with views to starting re training next September.

Lipstick and that's fine, I'm not judging you in the slightest! Whatever works for your family is right.

‘Workers get so caught up in their own little worlds and in the significance they and their employers have created for themselves (with all their jargon and policies to create value where there wasn’t any before) that it’s hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes.’

What a patronising crock of shite.

Some of us are in worthwhile interesting careers which contribute to society (as well as providing those essentials like a roof over our children’s heads and food in their stomachs) Like any other mum, our children are the most precious thing in the universe to us. But we choose to keep working as well as being a parent. Just like- erm- most dads do.

window I can only answer from my experience but I worked locally while my DH worked a couple of hours away. It would have made no sense at all for him to do drop offs, in fact he stayed away half the nights during the week. When my children were babies, I couldn’t imagine them going to nursery full-time. I worked 3 days a week. But the real killer for me was when they were sick. We had no family nearby and DH was a couple of hours away. If one was ill, I was the one who had to pick them up and then stay off work with them because we didn’t have anyone else who could look after them. I found that intensely stressful. In the end, I gave up work when I had my third baby.

I couldn’t go back to my old career and have the flexibility I need. With the hours DH works I need to be the one who deals with everything and it wouldn’t be possible so I have had to change careers and start at the bottom of the food change again.

My kids attended nursery FT 0730- 1800pm mon to fri which allowed me to work FT and travel time,and slippage. I think remaining FT kept my hand in and it was very much what I wanted too.

I've moved from FT in a traditional high street law firm to PT in a different type of firm. It's a bit odd at times but it suits me. I was never very ambitious, and hate a long commute.

Hedgehog, i was just curious about your choice. We all have preferences

My career was actually kick started by having a child. I had pottered along as a senior EA in a big company and had a year off with DD. After maternity leave went back full time, but as an EA had no ability to ‘choose’ my role or to go back to my old job that I loved. I ended up in a team that I really disliked and although still on the same pay and level, it was really a demotion.

I was pretty pissed off and vowed I wasn’t going to be pushed around when I had my next child. Got pregnant quickly again, but spent the time before going off having lots of conversations about what I’d come back to do and setting expectations. Had 11 months off with DD2, but kept in contact with work and did my KIT days.

Came back to a slightly better role than I left but was on the lookout for a change, and 6 months after getting back moved to another team for a completely different and (non-EA) challenging role with a promotion. Have been in that team for 4 years and have just been promoted again (unusual as can take 4-10 years to get to the level I am now)

I work 50+ hrs a week, travel roughly every 6 weeks or so in Europe. I work from home regularly.

BUT it’s hard - I love the work, I’m well paid, (but not amazingly so), but not around for homework, my kids clubs and activities and just hanging out. I leave before they get up and get home when they are asleep on the days I’m in the office. I don’t have much me time and struggle to get time to get my hair done etc as the weekends belong to DH and the kids.

DH is a bit of a star, very supportive and works full time himself but around more than me. I also have a cleaner and an Aupair and grandparents close by for emergencies. But I get a lot of passive aggressive ‘don’t know how you do it’ comments from other mums at school and it is a bit shit to be always on the go - but I’ve made my choices and I am happy with them for the most part.

Lots of people don’t want to do what I’ve done - it’s personal choices but it’s hard to take significant time out and go back (have several friends who left good corporate careers to stay at home until the kids went to school and now are stuck in basic admin jobs to fit round the school run)

Don’t know the answer....

It didn't change anything really - i worked full time before having DS and 17 years on still work full time but have tripled my salary by being in the right place at the right time and taking a punt on a job I didn't think I had a hope in hell of landing. I haven't looked back since then.

However I have a supportive DH who was a postman while DS was little and so did the lunchtime nursery pick ups and afternoon school runs, and my parents and grandmother have always been ready to pitch in if I'm away with work and DH has been working too as he's on shifts now. Without such a strong support network I doubt I would have had some of the fantastic opportunities I have had, like working at 10 Downing Street. That was brilliant and the best job ever.

Some people here are saying they needed to go part time because they couldn’t work full time with kids having sick days. I don’t get it. A kid is sick maybe 3 or 4 days a year - why on earth would that necessitate a drop to part time? I’m not trying to be obtuse, I just really don’t get why so many people needed to go part time for the flexibility. I work 9-5 (plus evening after kids are asleep) plus the odd evening/weekend (then DH minds the kids). I just don’t understand. Nursery covers full time hours, and most schools have after school clubs. What type of flexibility do you need from your full time job to be able to manage?

Fucked mine right up. Was deputy head of department (teaching). Was refused part time. Fell pregnant again very quickly. Ended up with two kids 15 months apart. Took 4 years out.

All local schools academised. Hence no need to heed burgundy book. Had to agree to go right back down the pay scale to get a job. 10 years later, on 0.8 contract, I'm now in the position that I'm too old, too expensive. I'm lucky in that I've just got another job but I'm under no illusions. No part time slt is the rule, and if I go full time now, I lose out on the working tax help that keeps me able to pay childcare ( just my income household).

I'm hoping that once I'm not having to pay two lots of childcare, I might make enough to pay extra into my pension pot. Truth is that teaching just isn't tenable past 50 unless you are management.

Window, I four d that nurseries would refuse to have the kids whenever they had a temperature or a sniffle so quite a few days a year with two children and unfortunately no after or before school care. Obviously some posters have children with actual health conditions needing appointments etc.

Like any other mum, our children are the most precious thing in the universe to us. But we choose to keep working as* well as being a parent.*

Babbity, that was exactly my point - that it’s a choice we’re making to work full time and others choose not to, not because they can’t but because they have other priorities, which are personal to them.

Sorry if I offended anyone with the comment about our each being caught in our own worlds and seeing things from our own perspective - the point I was making that a different perspective often makes people re-evaluate what’s important to them. I wasn’t suggesting that not working is any more valuable to society than working.

It fucked it up! I was made redundant during maternity leave with first DC. I've never recovered my career. This was ten years ago and a more DC.

I think it's very rare to not have children affect your career if you are a woman. DH and I both work in highly skilled STEM jobs, we've got similar qualifications and have always earned a similar amount, we both went PT when the kids were born (eldest is 10, youngest is 4). DH has repeatedly (different employers) been asked to take on more responsibility and has repeatedly done it for a short while then decided he doesn't want the additional stress of being a project leader on top of his family responsibilities.

My career did not move on at all in the same time period while I saw my male contemporaries and then younger men overtake me on the career ladder. The head of our department was known to think PT women shouldn't be promoted and funnily enough when he retired suddenly a lot of us were promoted. I'm now finally leading projects but am the only woman with children doing it, when I was applying for promotions I was repeatedly asked about my childcare responsibilities (DH has never been asked about his).

I do now earn more than DH but I have had to push for it and there's no doubt in my mind that I would be higher in the organisation if I wasn't a mother. I am lucky that I have a DH that absolutely believes childcare is a shared responsibility and fully supports me in my career, I would not have had children with any other man and his support has enabled me to still have a good career.

IMO it was worthwhile to return FT and no my kids didn’t suffer.theyre flourishing at school & socially.the rl and online doom sayer predictions of attachment disorder, poor performance, social tics haven’t materialised despite having FT working parents. There’s a whole industry in making mums feel bad about their employment choices, which is an attempt to maintain patriarchal status quo. No man is ever criticised for returning to work after having a baby.ever

It didn't affect my career, in fact the opposite. I have two dc, the youngest is two. I work full time. After returning from 8 months maternity leave I was promoted after 6 months. Financially it is a significant change in terms of all spare earnings being spent on childcare. Though I am aware that will leasen as I get older. I would much prefer to work less (not at all !!!)and spend more time with children but so would my OH so we both have to be equal and spend equal amount of time with the children.

Mine has basically stagnated. I'm technically on the same grade as I was before having babies, but my responsibilities have been chipped away on maternity leave so that now I just do other people's admin. I am bored to tears but I can't seem to find anything else which fits around my childcare, and I am being deskilled so it gets harder and harder to find other jobs in my area.

To be fair, dp's career hasn't done much better, as we agreed all along that we both wanted to work part time and do a share of the childcare.

I have a master's degree in a different field but never pursued a career in it because that area is not at all child friendly.

No man is ever criticised for returning to work after having a baby.ever

Exactly.

And re PP’s comments that this thread makes depressing reading, it’s the nature of the question. The people who come on here to post are the people whose career has been affected by having children. Anyone whose career hasn’t been affected is less likely to be moved to post. And the chances are that if women’s careers have been affected, it’s likely to have been in a negative way.

I can give you ten positives to being a working mother for every negative, but that’s not what the question asked.

Nursery covers full time hours, and most schools have after school clubs. What type of flexibility do you need from your full time job to be able to manage?

In the uk they might. No after school clubs here. Daycare regulated by the state. You’re allocated one. Ours is fucking miles away, it shuts at five. Our jobs both require us to work with global teams,

We need flexibility to be sent abroad on a few days notice. Or to talk to people at 3am, or 7pm, or 10pm.
While one is going abroad or in a meeting that the other HAS to be there to put the toddler to bed - they can’t physically be in a teleconference with the USA from 6-10pm because they have to feed a toddler, bath them and put them to bed. And pickup and drop off at daycare (which shuts at five. And is a half hour drive away. And you are allocated, with zero choice. And the queue to move closer is two years long.)

That kind of flexibility

No man is ever criticised for returning to work after having a baby.ever

Hear hear. Exactly.

It’s even worse. Dh is actively praised for being ‘an involved dad’ by his work. I’m panned for being a mother. It makes me seethe,

I had been accepted onto a vetinary nursing course but found out i was due to have my daughter the week the course started. Then my OH was made redundnt and took a new job in london on a 2 week on 1 week off shift pattern so that scarperd any plans I had of going back to college. Now I work pt 20 hrs a week as a medical secretary

Ahh, yes the isn’t he great and so hands on When a dad undertakes a parenting task. They get plaudits and head tilts as if it’s a big deal. When a mum does same task no comments or plaudits.nada