To ask how having children affected your career?

[Fluffysparks]

Just that really. Were you employed before having the DC, how much time did you take out and do you think it affected your career? I’ve just realised that it probably has with me, in more ways than one, and I’ve been quite lucky as well...

I was middle management on a potentially very profitable ladder, physically unable to do the job while pregnant, if I had of gone back post baby I would never see my child. I've gone to the bottom of a similar but different ladder, potentially profitable but I'm about 5 years behind

I had a real career breakthrough 18 months before having DC and loved it. No career at all for about five years. Tried to but practically got sacked for incompetence and lost a close friend/colleague I'd worked with for years because I was so sleep deprived and incapable. So after that I didn't even try to work until they went to school. Then set up my own business once they were 4 which I've run ever since and really enjoyed.It's in the same field I was in before but I can schedule my work load with family in mind, and often work from home (which has downsides but many ups too.)

My ex worked a permanent early shift and he was very hands on with our son and housework though not cooking or shopping. So whilst I had the higher earning more demanding job, there was a lot of help. I realised though he was jealous of my position. Once we separated my career flew as there was no one there whingeing about the commitment expected of me. Not that he ever whinged about the things my salary bought mind

Temporarily my career was halted. I chose to work part time and couldn't apply for promotions.
I then took 2 full years out which don't regret as I had time with toddler and baby.
I've just been promoted now having gone back to work 6 months ago.
So for me it was temporary and I'm behind some of my peers but generally not too terrible.

The issue for me isn’t whether having children has had an impact on my career but whether having a career has had an impact on my children.

I could quite easily continue to climb the career ladder but have taken a recent decision to not. My dcs are in primary school and I hate not being around enough for them. For me, I will have to make the sacrifice to step down a bit and it’s actually quite difficult to do while retaining some flexibility.

Overall I don’t mind being under promoted and don’t really care about my career status anymore. I won’t be lying on my death bed thinking “I wish I’d made CEO”. I’m more likely to think “I wish I had more time with my dcs”.

That’s my key driver at the moment. Getting more time with my family. I do have a long commute and stressful job which makes it that bit harder.

I worked freelance from home and a little in-house for about a decade and whilst my career isn't quite as developed as it would've been if I'd stayed in permanent roles, it was an enriching, flexible and wholly enjoyable time.

I kept upskilling, remained in touch with my area of work and am now back in permanent p/t role with good prospects, excellent working conditions and a job/organisation I feel proud to work for.

Set me back about 10 years.
Only just started to pick up pace again.
Part time working is like no mans land in my industry- I wasn't taken seriously at all until I went back full time but was so far behind my peers. Very depressing.

My career didn't suffer but I had read a lot of horror stories on here (plus my DSis lost her nascent career thanks to some bad timing and planning) so I was really careful to avoid the mistakes I'd heard about -- not that that would have helped me if I'd been ill due to childbirth, not had a supportive DH and parents, etc! It definitely helped that I was a teacher in a girls' school. There were a lot of other working mums and the school was skint, so very ready to discuss part time working. However, they had an enlightened approach to pt working and it was possible to be a pt HoD and take on extra responsibilities. Like most schools, they didn't make any allowances for INSET, CPD, etc being pro rata which was a pain. I did a lot of hanging around all afternoon unpaid at times. They also let me go back to ft when I requested it.

I have now gone pt but I can say 100% I was not forced into it but had come to the realisation that to work 40 hours a week in teaching and not work most evenings and the weekend I would have to go pt. It's not to do with having children (although having children means you can't use the holidays to recuperate from the 60 hour weeks).

Trouble is I’m stuck, I can’t leave as I won’t get these terms elsewhere

Yep, same here. My male and childless colleagues can hop around from one job to another, strengthening their CVs and following the work they really want to do.

And I’m stuck where I am having to make the most of it as I know the chances of finding another job that’s as flexible as the one I have are tiny. Plus, you don’t actually know whether a job is truly going to work for your set up until you move there, as you can’t test out all the scenarios in advance and can’t very well ask about all of it at interview!

I just plain do not understand this prejudice against promoting part timers if they are good at their jobs. If I had someone good, I'd want them to be doing higher value stuff for the company, not treading water!

Yes, that's a good point Longines - a crucial piece of information for me is what time a school actually expects staff to be on site each day. It is often surprisingly hard to discover this information in advance without looking uncommitted. But it's crucial: in my current job, I can't realistically get from dropping off at 7.30am to school to do the register at 8.40am. Fortunately my lovely boss has worked things out for me and even gave me a timetable working around DH's work commitments.

Completely ruined it. I was a secondary teacher who has been told I'd be a head by 35. I'm now 37, and a TA on a temporary contract!

I really don’t understand how anyone thought that maternity leave or stopping working would have anything but a negative effect.

I don’t have kids, but I am looking at the possibility of taking a career break at the minute. If I do I don’t for one minute think that that I’ll be in the same place as my colleagues when I return.

It hasn't, yet.

I had DD while I was at uni so before I'd started to even think about establishing a career.

Might do when I have more but that's something to think about in the future.

@Skarossinkplunger fair point HOWEVER I’m sure I read research that shows that men who take careers breaks for whatever reason- childcare, sabbatical etc, are not penalised in the same way women are

I really don’t understand how anyone thought that maternity leave or stopping working would have anything but a negative effect.

It should not have a disproportionate negative effect. If someone is off for a year she should come back to where she left off. She may be a year behind in terms of promotions and experience. That’s fine. What she should NOT come back to is being fucking demoted because she’s a mother, or shunted onto the mummy track.

If you come back after your sabbatical you’d hope to spend a little while catching up then pick up where you left. A year behind, but carry on from there.
You wouldn’t expect to be treated negatively or demoted or not given opportunities purely because you once took a sabbatical- no?

I don’t think it’s about penalising, for me my colleagues will have accessed tons of training in the 12 months I’mmplanning to have off. They will have another years experience and be lor us not date with developments.

There’s one guy at work who took a career break of 24months and I think he’s in the same boat.

I agree with that completely Anatidae but I’m not sure that’s what the majority of these posts are saying.

Of course they will and that’s fine. That’s like being on hold. It’s ok.

If, five years after you came back from your sabbatical, and we’re still being called ‘skaros, who once took a sabbatical’ and denied training, opportunities and promotions because you once took a sabbatical, you’d be pretty pissed off.

That, unfortunately, is what happens to an awful lot of women with kids. I’m in a highly skilled technical and scientific job - it is just endemic everywhere. You wonder why you bloody bothered getting a PhD if you were just going to get shunted into the mummy track

Skaross, say you took a 6 month career break, would you expect to be roughly 6 months behind your peers after you return? Now read babybarrister’s post above. She only took 6 months maternity leave, but does not see herself as ever being able to take silk as a result of having children.

Completely agree that shouldn’t happen. On some level I think that affecting my career is one of the reasons I chose not to have children.

Having kids killed it dead. My work were totally inflexible and the hours they required weren’t compatible with having a small child. I jacked it in and was a sahp for nearly six years. I’m back at work now but in a low paid, unchallenging role because it is convenient for my life.

Buuuut I don’t regret any of it. If I’d gone back to work in that first instance we wouldn’t have had DS which I can’t contemplate and the job I have now is with lovely people and has no stress at all which is really refreshing. For now, I’m content to stick with my job to avoid the life conflicts.

Tilapia I think the difference there is that in my situation when I go back, I’ll be there full
tome and also be able to go back to working all hours again.

I appreciate that women who have children can’t do this but I don’t know what the answer is.

@Tequila glad to see someone else with my story! I had DS at 18, went to uni, graduated with a first class degree, went to work, 3 years study to be a qualified accountant. Now pregnant with an 11 year old DS and about to find out how it will affect my career this time round...