To ask how having children affected your career?

[Fluffysparks]

Just that really. Were you employed before having the DC, how much time did you take out and do you think it affected your career? I’ve just realised that it probably has with me, in more ways than one, and I’ve been quite lucky as well...

It actually didn’t harm mine, mine had sort of blossomed but I do have a lot of factors that worked in my favour.

I had ds1 aged 27 and ds2 at 29. Went back FT both times as I’m a teacher and thought at least I’d have the holidays with them. After ds2 I went back to find I had a different HoD and the culture had changed for the worse, so after I had been back for about a year I decided to apply for a HoD job.....thought it was v unlikely that I’d get it but really wanted the interview experience.....anyway, I got it so I have been HoD of a large dept in a v successful for nearly 2 years now and I love it. In this time I’ve also completed a Masters degree.

So actually my career has flourished since having dc, and I think it has made me a better teacher and better at balancing everything. I should add that I have a great DH who works v flexibly and does all cooking, local parents for illness/emergency childcare, a short commute and a cleaner!

I think the reason I’ve managed to do this is very much down to the fact that I didn’t go PT. unfortunately that seems to be a massive obstacle for people, especially in teaching, tho is shouldn’t be. It does puzzle me however that it’s sort of the default decision.....

Susannah - it also depends on how much time you take off. How soon did you go back?

A question for those who have made it work going back and continuing to progress, or have retrained in a job that works, could you say which field you are in?

It took me a couple of years to get back on track after having my first, then my second baby got very poorly and the company tried to get rid of me whilst I was off looking after them. I fought it and luckily kept my job but took voluntary redundancy after they relapsed. Then a surprise third baby and I can't see an easy way back into work after being off for a few years as can't afford childcare for three children. I'm also wanting to savour every minute of them being young as I feel I missed out on so much for the years middle child was in treatment.

You only need a M&D to pick up the slack if you're in a badly paid career.

That depends where you live. Maybe not in the uk...We are in a country where the cost of employing someone is staggering. A cleaner twice a MONTH costs 300 quid. A nanny to cover our hours would make it not worth working, and we aren’t badly paid at all. We also have tax rates that would make your eyes water - I pay more in tax a month here than I earned gross in the uk, and it’s very progressive.

We also have no parents nearby - having seen the difference it makes when they do visit from overseas I can tell you that ANY family help is hugely beneficial. I see friends back in the uk able to go on nights out and weekends away and leave the kids with family they trust. Makes a big difference.

From my experience it’s going back part time (or 40 hours a week as part time instead of 60 plus full in reality) that does the damage. That and having restrictions on being able to work across timezines.

Timezones. Bloody autocorrect

@Lethaldrizzle I had 11months after ds1 and 10 after ds2 so not short MLs.

If you are career orientated, unless you have a fantastic family support - ie M&D who can do all the school runs, pick ups, parties, etc etc, cover the sick days, the sudden pick up from school required and so forth, you can kiss a career good bye.

Some people have jobs that provide that support though. Mine has emergency childcare (they want us to keep on working so will send a nanny out if necessary) and I work from home when I need to.

I thankfully don’t need to rely on my parents, but when the DCs were in primary, the childminder did the school runs. Parties tend to be at the weekend, so I’ve never seen those as getting in the way of my working. Sometimes it’s a pain when you have to leave work because a DC is ill (and the school sometimes get huffy about the fact I can’t be there magically within 10 minutes of their call) but it’s do-able.

Sussanah that's still pretty short - you are still essentially going back to work whilst your dcs are babies - which is the case for most women whose careers did not suffer - it's either one or the other

I lost my career when I bcame a single parent To two dc with special needs.

I had a job I loved on a decent salary and had my children later in life. I went part time when exh left but couldn't put the hours in that my colleagues could. I hung on for a few years but my job did not exist when there was a major staffing restructure.

I was going to write a lengthy post about how my interesting, well paid, varied and challenging role in the city is over at the grand old age of 38, but DunkMeInTomatoSoup has said it all. I'm in exactly the same boat.

I had 6m off. I work in private sector, professional services

So from the other side of the coin.

DH: was a contractor and travelling the world when we met, he gave that job up to relocate to where I lived and took a 50% pay cut.

8 years later, he's back on the pay he was on when we met, slightly different career, same prospects. So his stalled.

Trajectory wise: by the time we are in our 50s we will be earning the same roughly, providing our plans work out. I have more scope for quick promotions and pay increases, his job will always be considered more "difficult" and "professional" to outsiders. To us, they are equal. We both have exactly the same priorities, same degree of flexibility and both take hits when we need to in terms of days off for sick kids.

So in our house, totally even, even if currently he earns more than I do.

And when it came to making the decision for my staying at home, I already was a SAHM when we met, so not only did he take the bigger career hit and financial hit, he also had to financially support me and our daughter (who obviously biologically his)

@Lethaldrizzle yes but given that maternity leave is usually max 12m but the last 3 months unpaid, it is towards the longer end of maternity leave. I have plenty of friends who went back after 4/5/6m and not so long ago it was 3 months max, and still is in the US.

NOT going back when your dc are babies effectively means not taking a mat leave but leaving work. So yes, I imagine it is much harder to get back after that.....

I had 8 months off. I'm quite highly qualified (ACA although I'm In a senior role and don't do much accountancy now) so it's not something you can just decide to do because it's fairly family friendly (you have a pick of sectors so you offers a lot of choice)

It's hard work to qualify and you need to be pretty clever. You also qualify on the job so need to be starting your career early. I will advise my DDs to be thinking about this sort of thing after uni

I have a great DH who works v flexibly and does all cooking, local parents for illness/emergency childcare, a short commute and a cleaner!

And you're puzzled why other women choose to go part time in teaching? I'm sure you're aware of how fortunate your circumstances are! Term time workload in teaching is horrendous.

Actually, it's been pretty good for my career so far.

But we have a very specific set of circumstances. We moved out of London back home to Dublin when DS was 18 months. DH decided he wanted to set up his own business, I'd go back full time and be the main breadwinner. Now that's been far from a smooth ride, but that's not relevant to this thread.

What I found was my skills were in high demand in Dublin, though the job market is small. I'm now earning 40% more than I was in London and I've been promoted to the level I'd been aspiring to throughout my career.

However, I have simultaneously realized how unimportant it all is and have been very uncomfortable with me being the main breadwinner and having all that pressure.

I desperately want to go part time and hopefully that will be possible very soon. BUT, the lesson for me is that if you can avoid going part time until you're at the level you aspire to be, then that will help you in the long term. And it's much easier with just one child. And DP absolutely has to step up and share the drop offs/pick ups/emergency days off. In our case, he had to get used to that quick as my income was much more important.

@noblegiraffe yes as a FT HOD I am aware of the workload issue. However I feel that out of all of the factors that do make it easier for me, my DH is the biggest one. I think husbands who “help out” or don’t share chores are a big part Of the problem for women feeling they have to go PT because they have to manage everything at home too.

I’ve only had to use my parents for emergency childcare 2/3 times in 6 yrs, my dc don’t get ill that often —touches wood—

My career has stalled but I still work FT and can work very flexibly. It’s liie gold dust. Trouble is I’m stuck, I can’t leave as I won’t get these terms elsewhere

It’s stagnated - 2nd child was the nail really - I’m still full time but can only do set days (I compress hours) because of childcare committments. Lack of sleep hasn’t helped either nor pulling all the mental load at home.

On the plus side, I’ve maintained pension contributions, kept my level and kept experience ticking over. So whilst things aren’t stellar, i’m in a better position than many.

Changed my life completely.
I was a middle rank London-based civil servant when I had my first, decided to take the full five years leave and had a second. Just when I was due to return to work, ex decided he didn't want to be a dad any more and ran off with an air hostess! I then had to make a complete career change and am now Head of a rural primary school!

I worked ft bc but took 5 years out upon having DD.
I've been pt in various roles since. I like the flexibility and hours but the pay reflects this.
I cannot go for anything meaty or too committed or requiring long hours.
That means my "career" is non existent. However, the type of work i do is not interesting so im in no rush to return to f.t atm. My child starts high school next year so ill be applying for ft roles.

It was catastrophic. I fell pregnant while looking for my first graduate job and it was and is career suicide- 11years later. Having twins didn't help. Having a third- well by that point I rather felt the damage was done anyway.

Career progression suicide.

I've sort of trod water and clung on at my level but have watched those I trained whizz past me up the ladder. I'm frustrated and know I'm capable of more.

The flipside is I've been there for dc after school and holidays which I love and they appreciate, dh has progressed his career and is paid well now. And we're happy as a,family.

I just wish my employer would consider job shares or flexible working,as I've lots more to offer and I do feel I've sacrificed for the family team.