To ask how having children affected your career?

[Fluffysparks]

Just that really. Were you employed before having the DC, how much time did you take out and do you think it affected your career? I’ve just realised that it probably has with me, in more ways than one, and I’ve been quite lucky as well...

I'm lucky to have flexible hours and have kept an interesting, reasonably well-paid job that allowed me to go part-time (0.5) for a few years. DH also shares school drop-offs and covering illness, and we have good childcare.

But I'm probably about 5 years behind in my career now, and though I might progress a bit further I'm not prepared to work the 50-60 hour weeks that seem to be needed for promotion. DH regularly works those hours, though flexibly.

I think it boils down to many (not all) dads believing they can be involved fathers without their lives having to change very much, and without taking on the 'mental load', and many mums believing that two parents working long hours is bad for the children so they will have to be the ones to cut back. Working culture is often still based on promoting people who can devote themselves fully to the job while family life is facilitated by a SAH or part-time partner.

What aren't any of your partners providing the "last minute flexibility"???

We do when we can. Unfortunately both of us have jobs that require it and you can’t both be sent off to the USA or Taiwan at a days notice.

We have no family here so there’s no one else to help out. We provide the flexibility we can for things like last minute meetings at 3am/7pm etc but one of us has to be around to look after ds.

This thread makes rather depressing read (though I’m glad the OP started it because it’s a hot topic.)

I know my career has been impacted to an extent by having kids, and I’m one of the fortunate ones, because really in the wider scheme of things, I had very little time out of the workplace and only did part time for a very small number of years. Many women of my age (50s) in my field (education) never returned to full time work and are now realising their pensions are screwed, and that’s with relatively good pension terms (final salary or career average for those on new scheme) It makes me wonder how women in lower paid jobs with less good terms and condition manage.

Ultimately, women and men want children, and I’m imagine most want to enjoy the benefits of a good work life balance where they’re not sacrificing one entire aspect of life - career, or time with children.

It would be very interesting to see how men answered this same thread

It’s ground to a halt. I had quite a few years as a sahm of 3, recently got back to work in a decent job which uses my skills and experience but which pays less than half what I earned before. It’s a school-based job so they don’t need to pay much because there’s such competition for vacancies.
Plus I’ve had a chronic illness develop which was probably triggered by pregnancies in quick succession which also limits the hours I can work. It would have developed at some point most likely, but maybe not so young.

Btw I never think in terms of ‘having it all’ because that’s a meaningless phrase. It’s about wanting a full and fulfilling life, which for many women and men means fulfilling their potential in parenting, the workplace plus all other aspects of life such as travel, hobbies etc. Seems very sad that the reality for many couples is that each partner has to sacrifice something, rather than each being able to enjoy a balance

Depressing too when you add in the curveball that most women are in sectors that are experiencing cuts - teaching, nursing.

I guess it is a depressing thread in some ways but my path was the one I willingly chose. And I have no regrets. I'd much rather have been around to look after my kids than go back to work which is what I did.

I'm stuffed. I gave up my job in education and also moved area. I've worked on Saturdays, I've done cleaning, shop work, driving work- all casual. I've volunteered and tried to update my skills.

I still don't have a job.

DH lost his job too, but has managed to keep working at a senior level.

If I'd known it'd be like this, I doubt I'd have had dd.

Thanks to this thread I am going to make a real effort to hire returns to work.

I am also going to up the support we offer to the junior staff on my team in terms of development and opportunity.

I had good career on the back of a uni degree before having kids. Had mixed feelings about my career. Well paid but too stressful and not fulfilling. Knew I’d like to reevaluate my direction. Had a three year career break plus 3 maternity leaves. 4 children. Now work for an agency doing the hours and days I want in a job I enjoy. I’m fulfilled and get time for my hobbies and kids. So career wise I’ve taken a step backwards but my life balance is very healthy.

I was working (though part-time) and doing a PhD (full-time) right before I had my dd, though I have worked full-time for years prior to that in the past, largely in academia. I took a full year off with her and then was only working part-time until she was 2.5 when I went back full-time. I actually think it's been a positive for my career. I've had to become very focused, to plan what I do very carefully and to be really assertive to get what I want to make my professional life and family life both fall into place together. I've actually much more productive than I used to be. I get so much more done in less time (because I have to!). She has frankly given me a reason to work so hard and make a success of the path I started down before she was born (I've in large part done that, actually I've definitely achieved more than I ever thought I could at this stage in my career). But certainly for the profession I'm in, our work at this career stage is very precarious, lots of fixed term contracts, not a lot of job security, so the bouncing around between different positions while she was young, and also taking time out for another maternity leave (I'm due #2 this winter), is actually pretty easy to do. There is little expectation in my field that you'll start in one job and progress through the ranks in the same place for years and years. It's very normal to move around, take time out of employment, go part-time, etc. and there are lots of people with small children, so I perhaps haven't felt it as acutely as I might have if I was say, a GP or a solicitor, where such things are a less the norm. For me though, I'd say it's all been positive. I'm happily taking another year off with #2 and then aim to probably work part-time again until he's 2.

It didn't really. I went back full time after six months to my fairly junior position at the time. Seven years later and I'm now in a senior post. Though the company I work for are really child-friendly, we can start and finish when we like so long as we get the hours in, can work from home etc. As a single parent I really would have struggled if it hadn't been for their flexibility.

Can I ask a question of part timers? How do you go back FT when the time is right? I have a PT person in my team and I think she might ask to come back Ft when her child starts school. But how can I justify paying her another day's salary when the job is being done fine 4 days? This is the dilemma that keeps women down isn't it? They kill themselves to do 5 Days work in 4 then when they have more flexibility is expected and their company don't need them full
Time.

Obviously if there was more work for her to do it wouldn't be a problem

I've made choices that suit having children in my life.

I have had pretty senior and glamorous roles in my 20's. Now I work from home, lots of freedom, good (but stagnant) pay but good enough to support our family of 6 alone, and not really on any career track anymore. So having kids has greatly affected my career BUT I've an excellent quality of life.

I do miss the jet setting and big corporate stuff though. And am olanning new businesses etc for the future as my security is bad.

Also, I took 12 weeks off on my first, 6 on my second and 4 weeks for #3 and 4. I wasn't willing to take the hit on properly exiting the work world so didn't. But my choices to work from home freelance made that pretty painless.

Let's see. I went back part time after my first but kept the same workload. Meanwhile my only colleague doing the same work kept her caseload and remained full time. I then endured 8 months of painstaking about being an uncommitted part timer, slacker etc. Thankfully redundancies came up and I took that. Despite my manager trying to block mine.
I got a lower paid role doing basic admin but starting out with part time hours (I thought that would be be better for others to handle). And only had occasisional digs about my hours and commitment. Then my job role was cut. So now I have a recent basic role former good roles. My qualifications are irrelevant to most employers. I have no work. I'd say having children took a sledgehammer to the idea of me having a job. Let alone a career.

Do you know who you won't hear from on this thread? The millions of women who never had a career to lose. I always think it's shocking how little women often have to lose when having kids.

it Killed my career. I moved country when baby was 8 months old, and have been unable to find a job in my industry since. I don’t really see how I could have got back in for the first few years as industry requires long hours and DH already doing that, we’d have needed a live in nanny or something. I’m now too long out of it and would need to basically start again. We probably could have prioritized my going back to work more, but it was more lucrative to prioritize DH (and I’m not sure he would actually have pulled back enough to let me really push forward). I’m really resentful about it and it’s put me in a very vulnerable position.

I totally agree karatekitten

There was a thread (yesterday I think?) asking why there are so few women on Boards/at the top - I think this thread has a lot of the answers question

Some women choose to give it up for children, some have no choice due to circumstances (both of which drastically reduce the pool of talented successful women available), some work for shit companies and some work for shit bosses

I’m lucky that my career hasn’t been affected in that I’m still in a senior successful position, but there have been times I’ve felt like I’ve had to work twice as hard to somehow “prove” I can do it and not let having a family impact on it

When I was pregnant, my company was taken over. They restructured midway through my mat leave, creating a more senior role (which I could have easily done) and a much more junior role. They refused my flexible working request, despite having promised me part time working, and eventually offered voluntary redundancy (in recognition of some prettt awful stuff that went on during my pregnancy and mat leave).

It’s been a year and I haven’t been able to find a permanent job since. I’m contracting but hate the lack of security.

It makes me utterly miserable, permanently worried and quite down about our future. I hoped to have a second DC wirhin 3 years of the first, but it’s out of the question.

Completely ruined my career - and I had a good, well paid city career with a hands on DH who did more than his fair share . But if you cant dro p everything to go on impromptu drinking sessions team building evenings etc, you soon get marginalised.

So I've been in a succession of public sector type jobs, which have been mediocre in terms of pay, but allowed a great deal of flexibility.

If you are career orientated, unless you have a fantastic family support - ie M&D who can do all the school runs, pick ups, parties, etc etc, cover the sick days, the sudden pick up from school required and so forth, you can kiss a career good bye. You might be lucky and tread water in a job that might be reasonably well paid.

Not at all. I passed my promotion exams while pregnant with DS1 and then got a promotion post while pregnant with DS2. I took 12 months ML with DS1 and was offered a temporary position immediately on my return which I declined. DS2 is currently 3 weeks old and I'll be taking the full 12 months again and returning to take up my promotion post. I work full time shift work as does my husband, in a typically male orientated business.

I was a senior sales executive. Earning over 22k (not London this was a good salary)
Had two children and partner left. I couldn't afford the nursery fees full time so went part time but as others have said I was basically doing full time work on part time pay.
So lured by the promise of thousands of TA positions being made available I retrained as a TA only to find it impossible to find any Teaching Assistant work. So I ended up working in a bakery.
I started a cleaning business which is moderately successful but not successful enough to get by without tax credits etc so I'm 45 and in my first year at University. The degree I have chosen fingers crossed is one that should enable me to go straight into a well paid career. So while my circumstances took a dive the fear of Universal Credit and my lack of qualifications to find a job paying above NMW has got me to pull my finger out of my arse. Maybe if I was still with my partner I'd have coasted. I'm also lucky to be able to work, study and get help with CTC I'll qualify when my eldest turns 18. I'd be royally screwed if I wasn't studying now.

My boss allowed me to curtail a lot of out of town travel when my son was young. I went into a holding pattern and then started to progress again when he was older and I was able to be more flexible. I wouldn’t have expected promotions without the requisite commitment on my part when my son was young.

You only need a M&D to pick up the slack if you're in a badly paid career.