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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how having children affected your career?

465 replies

Fluffysparks · 23/10/2017 11:36

Just that really. Were you employed before having the DC, how much time did you take out and do you think it affected your career? I’ve just realised that it probably has with me, in more ways than one, and I’ve been quite lucky as well...

OP posts:
witchhazelblue · 24/10/2017 20:24

Those not lose! Stupid autocorrect!

buttonmoonb4tea · 24/10/2017 20:32

I've been part time for the last 10 years after having DC1. The job is a public sector role and have experienced 50% cut in staff in the last 3 years. I returned after MAT leave 1 year ago after DC2. My place of work was relocated whilst the service was reviewed and I was on MAT leave so now have to travel to another area. It isn't working. I'm tired and really resent the fact I was the only one that was moved. The job is customer focused and stressful. It involves travelling to another city maybe once to twice a week.

I've requested relocation but that was refused as it doesn't meet the needs of the service.

I'm now in the process of actively looking for jobs. I've started an application for a job much closer to home. It's full time but I figured 5 days with a 10 minute commute each way beats 3 days with an hour commute and no time to eat lunch.

I'm also a single parent which obviously doubles up the mental and physical load but I honestly can't see me carrying on happily in my current job. I'm also now starting to realise my pension has taken a real hit with10 years of PT work.

Bubblebubblepop · 24/10/2017 20:32

That's awful witch.

otherdoor · 24/10/2017 20:32

All very well saying “don’t settle for it”: the vast majority of women do IME.

More fool them.

It's not the fault of employers that women have to go part time because their husbands refuse to take on their fair share!

otherdoor · 24/10/2017 20:34

I'm so sorry witch and well done for leaving.

MoreFangBleed · 24/10/2017 20:35

Short version: it buggered it right up.

Long version: I'm heading towards 50, DD is 14. My good job was just becoming a career when I fell pregnant. I fully intended to go back full time, but some post natal medical issues and DD refusing to sleep unless she was propped up on me meant that going back part time, when she was 11 weeks old (good old days of not much paid mat leave), damn near broke me.

DH was grinding back and forward from a stable, long hours job, that was enough to get by with careful budgeting and camping holidays; so, I finally took voluntary redundancy and went self employed earning bugger all for five years. Then I took a low hours support role at a school which grew to 18 hours pw and that's where I am now, no likelihood of increased hours or responsibility.

Having sorted a few things that were getting in my way, I started job hunting a two months ago. So far I've been invited to one screening interview and that's it.

I have talked honestly to DD about this; I really don't want it to happen to her. At the time, my choices seemed the best way to go. If I'd kept going full time, I honestly think, either I or my marriage would have broken.

user1471443504 · 24/10/2017 20:35

I took 9 months off with both of them and went back part time after my first. I do 3 days a week and I'm a teacher.
I never had aspirations for leadership anyway but I never want to go full time again. I'm happy just being a class teacher.

HottySnanky · 24/10/2017 20:43

Longines I'm considering HR - I like working with people, I like problem-solving, I hate seeing people short-changed by the circumstances we've been reading about on this thread. Also because I can do a p/t qualification, online, for an affordable amount, and because I could take it anywhere. DH's career is rather more specialised and we currently rely on him to bring home the bacon so I would, rather clichedly, trail about after him.

Bubblebubblepop · 24/10/2017 20:46

Don't forget working on HR you work for the company, not the employee. You won't be protecting them from anything if the company doesn't want you to!

HottySnanky · 24/10/2017 20:48

No, but someone has to decide what the company policies are, don't they? If I progress to a senior enough level, I might be in a position to make a change...

Bubblebubblepop · 24/10/2017 20:49

That's very true. My last operational director changed our MAT leave policy for the better Grin

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 24/10/2017 20:52

Gender, Societal, cultural and class expectations of ourselves & colleagues all in the mix with women career post-baby
Conscious and unconscious bias we all have are the mix.Throw in cost of childcare
And boom it’s a big deal
At heart of it is some men don’t equally share childcare tasks.and some women don’t think they need to. Women who do work FT get used to comments, the face☹️,and half baked warnings of how their children will suffer. Men don’t get the face☹️, and their received comments are affirmative that they’re working

witchhazelblue · 24/10/2017 20:52

Thanks bubble and other. Despite the lack of career prospects and being poorer for being on my own, it's still a better place to be. Smile

Stinkbomb · 24/10/2017 21:00

My career is ok, but that’s because I ‘worked’ throughout mat leave & returned after 6 months, building back up to full-time after 18 months - tried condensing my hours into 4 days but it was really hard, am v senior & no chance of part-time due to complexity of role. Am now a single parent, and it’s a massive juggling act, but I’m able to work from home & finish stuff off in the evening after DD is in bed.
I’d love to reduce my hours, but realistically it’s not possible in my current position.

misstiggywinkle21 · 24/10/2017 21:31

Have 4, youngest now coming up 10. No doubt it was very very hard in every way in the early days, I was trying to keep a (more-than) part-time foot in the career door, be a good mum to my children and pay astronomical nanny/nursery fees. I was exhausted and often felt like I was losing the battle. I am very glad I persevered though and now my career is flying - am very senior in my field/company and am afforded a lot of flexibility (although I work and travel a lot.) I am mid 40’s now and probably have at least another 20 years working so I am glad I didn’t give up when it all felt too much (daily). The big factor for me was a supportive DH. Also a relatively high earning professional, he never once thought my career came second to his, and likewise always thought his responsibility as a parent was equal to mine so shared the school runs, covered sick days, missed work socials to come home etc. It horrifies me how many of my friends and posters on this forum have had to compromise their careers. It seems like in many cases that they have compromised for the ultimate benefit of OH’s career and not necessarily for the children. My OH and DC have definitely benefitted on so many levels from sharing the parenting.

WillowyGhost · 24/10/2017 21:37

I’ve pretty much written any ‘career aspirations’ off.

There’s people in my place younger than me who are male and childless. One of them has had two promotions in 12 months and the other one has our company paying to do his degree. I’m happy for them as I think it’s the good thing about our company.

I was speaking to the guy who is having his degree wholly funded by Work. He said he was shattered from working and fitting studying in as well. He said to me ‘there’s guys on my degree scheme who are putting all these hours in to studying that their children are in bed by the time they get home from uni’. I replied ‘well I couldn’t even do that because I am the person who puts my kids to bed so I’d definitely have no time for further study’.

He definitely pondered that thought for a moment.

So in a nutshell, I’ve gone down to 0.7 fte over four days and don’t have time or energy for any further study etc that would actually help me progress in my career. I do feel miffed at times but my kids need me and i chose to have them.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 24/10/2017 21:46

All very well saying “don’t settle for it”: the vast majority of women do IME.

More fool them.

It's not the fault of employers that women have to go part time because their husbands refuse to take on their fair share!

Right. And back in the real world, if everyone insisted on waiting till they found the perfect egalitarian man who is dedicated to sharing housework, wifework and childcare they’d be an awful lot of unmarried women.

Babbitywabbit · 24/10/2017 22:26

Misstiggywinkle- 100% agree that it’s often a ‘no pain, no gain’ situation in the early years, to keep your career going. If I’d flame the short term view I could easily have jacked in my career because frankly it was bloody hard work breastfeeding a 3 month old before dropping her with a childminder before 8 am and going off to do a days work. Then with the later dcs I had longer maternity leaves so it wasn’t so physically exhausting, but childcare ate up all my salary by this point so it would have been easy to feel it wasn’t worth it.

Like you, I’m glad I did hang in there because I doubt I’d have a career now if I hadn’t. But you definitely have to play the long game.

Babbitywabbit · 24/10/2017 22:27

If I’d taken the short term view

LonginesPrime · 24/10/2017 22:36

if everyone insisted on waiting till they found the perfect egalitarian man

and it’s not even just a case of finding the right person - looking at this thread, some people had no idea their OH wasn’t going to be supportive until after they’d had children and it came to crunch time.

happinessbythekilowatt · 25/10/2017 03:39

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Foobarjar · 25/10/2017 03:56

2 DC. 12 weeks and 10 weeks maternity leave as self employed. Worked my butt off. Career impacted as split with OH 2 years ago when DC2 was 1. Can't travel as much, work daytime and nighttime though. If I'd taken a career break and we split id be fucked. He sees them sporadically and pays nothing. Make sure if you have kids you protect your career!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/10/2017 07:01

Wholeheartedly agree, I’d recommend women maintain a career,ability to earn own money and not depend on a partner

speakout · 25/10/2017 07:13

In the long term it has been brilliant.

I am in a position now that I would not have been in if I had stayed in my career.
I jacked in my job when I had kids ( it was very incompatible with having children) and became a SAHM.

I didn't work at all for a few years then as the children started school etc I became self employed. Slowly at first, working from home, minimal investment.
I had intended going back to work at some point but things have turned out so well that I would not now consider it.
My youngest is 17, I still work from home, only 15 hours a week and earn considerably more than my OH ( who has a fairly decent salary)

So for me having kids has had a positive effect on my earning capacity if not career.

Babbitywabbit · 25/10/2017 07:20

Lipstick is right that to mitigate against the breakdown of the relationship, serious illness or the death of one’s partner, it’s better if the woman has good earnings. If the unthinkable happens and your partner dies, life insurance will only go so far; in the longer term ongoing earnings will matter a lot

I’d also add that even where none of these eventualities happen, and a couple have a long and happy marriage, there’s a lot to be said for having your own career. These days even when your children have flown the nest, there may be another 20 years of working life ahead of you, so far better to have developed the work life you want, rather than ending up in a menial job because that’s all you can get