To ask how having children affected your career?

[Fluffysparks]

Just that really. Were you employed before having the DC, how much time did you take out and do you think it affected your career? I’ve just realised that it probably has with me, in more ways than one, and I’ve been quite lucky as well...

I think in most careers taking a year+ off and then returning PT would affect progression, add a child in the mix and it gets more complex.

Hasn't affected me in the slightest. I took a year of maternity leave with each child, went back to work at the same level as I left and progressed through the levels as I would have done had I not had children. I got my most recent job in 2009 and will hopefully stay here (with yearly negotiated pay rises thanks to a good union) until I retire.

However, DH sacrificed his career to be the SAHP as it made more sense for me to work (by far the higher earner) and if I was the WOHP, we could easily live on one salary. It means I can be fully flexible and never have to worry about taking time off if the children are sick because he is at home with them.

I know that I am very lucky but having children has not impacted my career, as I was/am a young mum.

Had DS1 at 17 while at university. Thankfully due to helpful parents I returned to studying when DS was 7 weeks old and passed all my exams to graduate at 20 with an almost 3 year old.
I then took time out to work part time evenings (4pm-8pm) in a government job while looking for traineeships. When that didn't work I retrained as a Primary Teacher and started officially teaching when DS1 went to school.

Taught for a year and a bit and I'm now off on mat leave with DS2. Having had all my children young, supportive childcare structure and still being relatively new to my career and young I now have the oppprtunity to work up the ladder at the same rate as my peers, however I won't be taking time off later in my life.

If I had children later in life this definitely would not be possible.

Hic you have the traditional one FT worker and one Sahp set up.difference is you're female and sahp is male. So like most males youre FT worker with a nonworking partner to undertake childcare task

Lots of people (myself included) aren’t part of a couple and have to work precisely for that reason.

Having two people with earning potential means that there are more possibilities to explore, but Babbity, I do agree with you that it’s disproportionately women who end up sacrificing their careers to raise kids.

There are obviously complex reasons for this (the cost of childcare and desire to have one parent at home with the children being a few), but I do also think that in a lot of cases, the opening up of possibilities when you have two adults in a family means both adults have more freedom to do what they want to do. And some people want to stay at home or work part time.

I work full time in a pretty full-on job because I’m the only adult in my household and someone has to. I love my job, but I don’t think I would work the hours I work if I won the lottery - there’s an element of financial necessity there. If you’ve got a choice of adults who can earn the money, sometimes that’s going result in one of them not working.

I haven’t worked for 15 years since my first child was born. I couldn’t retrain as my ex H wouldn’t do any child care and then both my children were diagnosed with autism. So having a child demolished mine. They’re worth it though but it’s hard.

I had DS at 20 and I have never had a full time job.

I'm probably in the minority of people who say it hasn't impacted. That said, I work for the NHS which is much more of a flexible employer.

I have always been ambitious and wanted to fend for myself financially. I was really strict with contraception and planned my pregnancies AFTER specific points in my career where having children would have been increadibly difficult (specialist medical exams for example, or when on locum contracts with no mat pay). Many of my female colleagues delay motherhood until after their specialist medical exams for the same reason. This was really hard as I knew I was at risk of early menopause, and it took over a year to get pg with DC1. Ideally we would have had a smaller gap between 1&2 but I wasn't permanently and securely employed so I waited. Getting pg with DC2 took about 5 minutes but at least now I'm a fully qualified and permanently employed consultant. I was able to negotiate a 0.8 contract which has been amazing. Ideally I'd like to work 0.6 but work will never agree.

I appreciate how lucky I am to have this situation. My friends thought I was crazy for delaying DC2 like I did, but we're much more financially secure as a family so it has been the right choice for us. DH also works 0.8 for NHS and has good flexibility. We share days off to cover sickness.

So overall it hasn't impacted. I could progress to Director level or chief exec in the future but it would require a level of flexibility and dedication that I'm not sure I can offer, or be bothered with. So maybe it will impact in the future, but I'm on a very good salary with an excellent pension so that's good enough for me. I would like to be more part time rather than go full time and never see my kids.

Batman you make really interesting points- and we were the same, delaying children until there was a "better" time and hoping to god we were fertile. It's not really great when you think about it and certainly doesn't give the illusion of choice.

That said, I admit to an inward sign when you hear from a woman who is "suddenly" trapped unable to work because she can't pay for child care for her 3 Children in 6 years. We've sacrificed more than maybe we acknowledge

It's not really great when you think about it and certainly doesn't give the illusion of choice

I see what you’re saying, but on the plus side, the availability (and social acceptance) of contraception gives women far more choice and control over their lives than they used to have.

I was researching my Irish family tree a while ago and one of the things that struck me about almost all my married female ancestors was the fact they were having babies at least every other year for most of their reproductive lives (and that’s just what made it into the registers).

I know there’s the argument that progress is not the same as true equality and I fully agree, but I do believe that contraception gives women far more control over their careers (and lives) than they used to have.

Yes I agree totally

No, then yes and then no. I got promoted to a very senior rile on return from first mat leave, but then left about 18 months later for various reasons but then left (without a job to go to) for various reasons one of which was that juggling work and child was leading to burn out. I am now back in a public sector job after second child. The money is a lot less but the job itself suits me a lot better. No opportunity for promotion though at the moment, so I'd have to move and possibly go full time to progress.b

Mines dead too.

Can't apply for promotion due to being part time which has meant people lesser qualified are my superiors

Sort of. Health prof in nhs. I had dc1 straight from qualifying and had 2 years out then pt temporary cover roles until dc2 and now still in temp roles, albeit a higher banding, and feeling very apathetic about my career but more due to the state of the nhs. Dh made redundant when dc1 born and set up own business. Works pt too and very much shared care attitude to parenting as it completely fulfils him. He way out earns me but that's due to his field.

So having kids hasn't negatively affected my career but it has changed my mindset. I could get a ft job and dh could work ft in his business and we would be very well off. But money doesn't buy happiness and burn out is high in the nhs. Couple that with a challenging dc1 and I find that for me having kids has meant making choices about career vs parenting. How much those choices affect you differs based on the individuals involved; for me, trying to do both is just not an option at the moment.

Also, for me the question hasn't only been whether kids have affected my career but what impact my career has on family life (note, not my kids per se). When I've worked more hours I find my connection with family life really suffers - and the kids connection with me suffers too. Dh is more than capable and that's probably partly why as I end up feeling a bit not needed.

A friend has recently upped her hours to full time and, despite her oh being a sahp, she is also experiencing the loss of connection with family life. But maybe if you are ft from the start you wouldn't experience this.

I think on certain professions having children doesn't make a huge amount of difference
I work for L.A. and many of the senior managers and directors are females with children, in some cases fairly young children ( primary school age) same in some parts of the NHS. I work closely with a few teams and they are often female led. I know them quite well personally and socially and can't think of one that hasn't got a child from either toddler age right through to adult kids.
I know this won't be true in all professions though.

Most of my career I've been a freelancer. That's what I was doing before children and that's what I'm doing now.

I did reduce my hours from when my third was born until a couple of years after we'd emigrated.

I did take a full time job for a few years during the recession as my husband's job wasn't all that secure, but I hated working for an employer.

I have no intentions of trying to get into management or build a big company.

I'm currently paid about double what I was paid before I started having children, so I don't think it's really torpedoed my career in any way.

Exactly Misty - I think for a lot of mothers, it’s not that they want a full-time career role after having kids but their childcare responsibilities are getting in the way of it, it’s more that they have chosen to make changes to their job in order to adjust their lifestyle (spending more time with children, saving on childcare costs, etc).

Lots of PPs have said their career has pretty much been scuppered since they’ve had children, but I suspect that, taking their family situation into account, lots of them are actually happier with that situation than they would be working full time or in a more demanding role.

Killed it flat. Worked in a role which was amazing. Red carpets, press nights etc but crazy hours and no scheduled holidays allowed during a run. Contracted run to run so no maternity pay and definitely no change of buggering off to have a baby.

Went back when they were old enough starting a new run but then ended up as a single parent and not doable at all :(

I have one ds who is 7. I took 9 months out for maternity leave then went back full time, my salary exceeded childcare so staying at home was never a consideration.

We quickly realised after I went back to work that dh working away, plus me working full time, plus a baby, dog and a pony wasn't going to work. My earning potential was much greater than dh in the long term so he changed jobs to one paying slightly less to be able to work closer to home and be able to do the majority of the nursery runs. In the short term (1-2 years) it set me back amongst my peers as they had almost a years worth more experience than me, after that it made no difference. Since returning to work 6 years ago i've doubled my wage and i'm paid more/working at a higher level than some of the peers who had overtaken me on maternity leave.

Overall it affected my short term but not long term, i'd even say it helped as I was much more driven to increase my wage and provide for my family but I couldn't have done it without my dh changing his job to one more local/flexible.

lots of them are actually happier with that situation than they would be working full time or in a more demanding role. That’s idle speculation. Read the thread.The majority posts aren’t oh well on balance I’m happier cause I have kids, dab the misty eye in a hallmark movie moment. There is a recurrent theme of what’s been lost

Yes, Lipstick, because the question was ‘how has your career been affected’, not ‘are you happier on balance’.

I accept (and stated) that it’s speculation on my part as I can’t possibly know how people really feel from a few words in a post.

It has only affected my career in that I don't really care about it as much these days because I would prefer to prioritise DD.

I went part time after mat leave and have no interest in promotion. The extra money wouldn't be worth the extra responsibility/stress. I could apply if I wanted to though and have seen part timers get promoted.

This is probably controversial, but I think if you find yourself doing the majority of housework/wifework/pick ups and drop offs/sick days etc and therefore you can't progress your career while your partner carries on climbing the ladder getting pay rises and promotions, you've got a relationship problem. Not an employer problem.

Having dc propelled me to maintain career, do further study,and stay in game
I feel a responsibility as parent to be solvent,provide,and be good role model
Dc fit in around my career needs, in that they go after school and holiday clubs
but there are career opportunities I’ve not pursued as I have the dc

their career has pretty much been scuppered since they’ve had children, but I suspect that, taking their family situation into account, lots of them are actually happier with that situation than they would be working full time or in a more demanding role.

I can only speak for myself

• I’m angry about how I’ve been treated

I’m angry at how my career has been damaged I’m frustrated I’m really down about how engrained all this shit is - I thought being in an equal marriage would insulate me. It hasn’t (not dhs fault, society’s.) I’m quite depressed - a certain portion of my self worth is tied up with professional ability. Not all of it, but enough to make it hurt, and that plus loss of confidence and anxiety does the damage My confidence has plummeted due to all of the above.

So no, I’m not happier on balance. I’m happy I’m a Mum, I’m happy I have ds. But dh is a dad, and has ds, and parents equally (equal time/sick cover/drop offs/pick up) so why is MY career fucked?