To ask how having children affected your career?

[Fluffysparks]

Just that really. Were you employed before having the DC, how much time did you take out and do you think it affected your career? I’ve just realised that it probably has with me, in more ways than one, and I’ve been quite lucky as well...

It wouldn’t change my opinion of her, but it changes my opinion of how she fits into the kids v career debate since, from the limited information I know about her, protecting her career doesn’t seem to have been a factor in her decision not to have children.

Would you consider the same of a man Long? I'm sure you'll say yes as otherwise you'll be flamed. But I highly doubt you would. IRL women rarely get a break. Not even from other women, or indeed men.

Sorry to clarify, I meant in terms of this specific debate - I saw the OP as asking women whether their careers have been affected by having children (appreciate that there are some men on MN, but saw this q as aimed at mothers).

No negative effect really.

I went back to work after maternity leave. OH and I work FT, in the same sectors as before and our careers have progressed. I seriously doubt PT would have worked for us.

Hard to say for me. I stopped work when I had the children for a few years. Then went back when they were 1 and 3 in a new role, 4 days a week. I did well from there, and am now head of a department at one of UKs biggest companies. Full time. Kids are 8 and 10 now.
Would I be even more senior if I hadn’t taken a break? Maybe. But I’m doing OK.

My husbands career has suffered lately though. He has turned down opportunity for promotion as we can’t have both of us away from home.

Killed it dead. Went p/t after Ds1. Stayed p/t after Ds2. No chance of training, promotion, nothing. I have been left behind. I’m in exactly the same position I was 15 years ago. Very sad reading, this thread.

I was made redundant when I was about to return from maternity leave (I suspect it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been on maternity leave). I had a quite a good job paying around £31k and wanted to go part time. That was in July. If I do go back to work I only want to be part time until ds (and any other children we have) are older and all of the part time jobs have very low salaries.
Currently doing a night class in a professional diploma to make me more employable when the time comes.

Nhs consultant
Having kids significantly altered my career
PT is possible but stops you doing all the things you need to to progress
On call takes a major toll on family
Wouldn't have gone down this path if I had known and I'm not trainee for anything other

While you can’t plan for all specific eventualities, it certainly makes sense to have these conversations with your partner if you plan to have children. What are your expectations? How are each of you going to achieve the balance you want in your life? Dh and I both left university with the same level of education, we were both equally capable in our jobs, we both wanted children, and we’ve always both been equally able to do the domestic load too. Many of our friends are similar- unsurprisingly, people tend to partner up with someone who has a similar outlook on life, similar level of ability etc

Reading this thread, it seems many many people wish for a better balance, and regret the fact that having children has blighted one career while leaving the other unscathed. I suspect that many women start out wanting a good work life balance, but social conditioning gets in the way. There are so many references to husbands being applauded for doing basic parenting, and women getting looks of disapproval for daring to miss a school assembly.

Depressing reading- particularly as it’s predominantly women who are judging other women. There are some real double standards too.... the posts which say ‘oh but when I had children, I re evaluated my life and realised how hollow my success at work was and just gave it up’ .... always make me think okaaaay, so you’re happy for your husband to carry on his hollow existence in the workplace
Seems it’s different because he’s a bloke

We tried hard to have a good work life balance and ensure that our children were raised seeing us as both having careers as well as being hands on parents. It was harder back then too because there was no paternity leave, no rights to parental leave and very limited flexible working, but we did our best and i do feel that my career, although affected particularly in terms of pension, has been no where near as impacted as it would be if I’d stopped working for a year or more, or never returned to full time work. I really hope if my own children decide to have kids, they find it easier to achieve a healthy balance of parenting and career

We have 1 son who is 5 and we won’t be having any more.
I took 13 months off, a month off sick before he was born and 12 months maternity. I went back 20 hours (was FT) over 2 days. I now work 20 hours over 3 days which is better for school drop off/ pick up.
I am a dentist so my career didn’t really suffer, in fact I have moved to a different job which is better and closer to home. Dentistry is easy to do part time.

We have 1 son who is 5 and we won’t be having any more.
I took 13 months off, a month off sick before he was born and 12 months maternity. I went back 20 hours (was FT) over 2 days. I now work 20 hours over 3 days which is better for school drop off/ pick up.
I am a dentist so my career didn’t really suffer, in fact I have moved to a different job which is better and closer to home. Dentistry is easy to do part time.

So it seems like the best way to child proof your career is:

Take less than a year maternity
Work in a progressive sector with little travel
Don't go PT

Babbity - That's a bit harsh - the bit about women re-evaluating their lives and deciding they don't want to work anymore - you ask what about the men? When women have children (nor all but some)- it can mark a huge shift in their mindset because a) they've grown a baby for 9 months b)they've given birth to said baby and c) they've stayed at home to breast feed it (not all cases obviously ) - the dad has done none of these things so perhaps he hasn't had quite such a seismic shift in his life. It's not really a fair comparison. I took a few years off because I seemed like the obvious choice being the breastfeeder etc and my dh was perfectly happy to continue his career as if nothing had changed.

not great here, career-wise
To a degree I am lucky that I've been able to choose to go part-time. However I have had no significant training nor promotion in the decade since going p/t, where it would be usual to gather additional professional qualifications if not achieving promotion. It's a real shame that my (public sector) organisation makes no effort even to explore whether senior roles could be done on a p/t or jobshare basis.

My clinical supervisor certainly believes that I could fulfil the responsibilities of the role at the next grade up p/t, but unfortunately her manager, who does the hiring, dismissed the idea out of hand.

That manager is a woman with grown-up children, and I get the vibe from her that because she worked f/t as a mother of younger children, anyone who doesn't is somehow less capable or a shirker.

Yes bubble that seems to be about the sum of it

My employers were vile when I was pregnant with DD, despite the fact I could have died. I resigned at the end of Mat leave and took a year establishing my own business. I now have a full time job that I love and a business that will generate £10-12k this year and will support next maternity leave

Dc are 3 and 5. I took a year off for each of them and went back or, 3 days a week. I'm happy.

My career is as it was pre kids. It's not really the kind of career that offers a lot of progression and I'm happy where I am. If I wanted to progress I'd have to work ft which I may in future.

The best thing I did was to get a secure job in a family friendly sector before having kids. Great maternity leave and flexibility, easy to work part time.

Definitely negatively affected mine

Sacked twice while pregnant (compromise agreements both Times from banks). Made redundant in 2011 6wk back from Mat leave.

These 2 setbacks all linked to maternity discrimination massively set new back.

Kept having k start again and neeer had 2y in one place to prove myself, get promoted etc

Ended up contracting instead s men didn't care I had kids a I want perm (banking is swrill 90% men)

Then contracting drier up so Ended up starting again in audit at the age of 35.

Now my managers are younger than me etc. And my DH who isn't as smart as me with poorer education (polytechnic, poor a levels) is earning £30k more than me.

I work FT 9-5 with flex. Just hope I'm not made redundant again I can't face it. 3 times in 5y really affected me career wise.

Ultimately though, a lot of the time, women don’t have a choice. It’s always simply painted as a personal choice to stay as high flying careerist or become a sahm. And this ignores all the external stuff that impacts on most women I know regarding this stuff.

I know lots of women in many different roles and sectors that were made redundant either on mat leave or just after returning. That’s not a personal choice and believe me, it’s very hard to take that on the chin and get straight back on the career horse. Likewise being in careers/jobs that don’t cover childcare costs that you’ve been encouraged into from being young as a female - not all families can suck up childcare costing more than one wage. And many women have been encouraged by society to couple up with men that do not pull their weight in the home or the relationship, again I know many women who are with men that would never put their wife’s career first or go pt.

Didn't affect but DH and I both had well paying jobs, he pulled his weight. He actually did more childcare, he did more inset days and dropped dc off to school when small. He had a lot of flexibility and I had some.

We could also afford a cleaner, a gardener and stuff like holiday clubs were no issue.

Bubble really hits the nail on the head. I took six and nine months ML though I could have taken a year.

Worked right up until I had DD and only took 6months mat leave afterwards. Transitioned back for a month then full time when she was 7mo.

I applied for an internal promotion 2 weeks after returning as my manager was leaving. In my interview when ask why I was applying now I responded that if I hadn't of had 6months off this would be natural progression. I'm still me with my skills so the fact that I am a mum and had a bit of time put shouldn't change that.

I now have a harder job but I refuse to sit in the office past half 5 everyday like others. Bedtime is my non negotiable and although I thought that would impact me negatively it's actually gained me respect.

I don't want to have the long commute I have forever but I decided I'd rather or the time in now so I can be around more when she is a bit older and will remember it.

Bubble bubble pop - I'd add to your list

Work close to home (try finding childcare open before 8 am in my town)
Work a regular working pattern, preferably the classic 9-5. If you do shifts like police, doctor, nurse, air traffic control, air crew it's pretty difficult

I don't think Babbitys post is harsh and I don't think it's what about the men. She is making a valid point.

Lethaldrizzle- I’m struggling to see what’s harsh about my post Yes, I was the one who was pregnant and gave birth, and I also bf my three dc for a long period of time each. But when you look at parenting it’s the long game. 9 months of pregnancy pales in significance compared with the years of raising children into well adjusted adults. And raising children is a role where both parents have equal input and importance in my view.

I’m not disagreeing that some couples still choose to have polarised roles, with the man becoming sole provider and the woman devoting her life to children and home. And that’s fine if it works for them both, and their children. But reading this thread it’s apparent that many women regret the lack of balance in their life, particularly as the children get older and eventually leave home, and they wish they’d been able to develop in their career as well as being a parent. This is an issue which goes well beyond actually being pregnant and giving birth... it’s about social conditioning which makes women feel they ‘ought’ to do more of the hands on stuff with children, the stuff dads are equally capable of doing. It affects women far beyond the early years of childhood.

I work in the field of education where the disparity is quite marked. I know a lot of women of my age who have never Progressed in their career since having kids.
Many with adult kids have never returned to full time work and don’t have managerial roles and are also now realising their pensions are shot to pieces. Many even talk as though they can only cope in the job because they do part time, and I despair when I see intelligent capable women consigning themselves to part time wages when in reality they’re often working full time hours. Meanwhile the more senior roles are disproportionately held by men.

I have 3 ds and took 5 years off in total. It actually hasn’t effected me I’m very lucky. I may have made partner sooner but possibly not.