To ignore her?

[AwayInLalaLand]

I received a series of Facebook message recently from a woman I don't know at all and have no mutual friends with. Apparently, in 2011, I went on four dates with her current boyfriend.

Her messages are very long and she asks a series of personal questions including did he get you pregnant? Did you have an abortion? She asks because "he can't remember". I didn't respond and she's been messaging since calling me unfair for not answering.

I never slept with him.

She is saying it's upsetting him not knowing if he has a child and I owe him an explanation. Funnily enough he has messaged me or attempted to contact me in anyway. She has given me her mobile number and is demanding I call her.

Am I being unreasonable ignoring her and just blocking her or should I respond and fix his memory? I just feel that six years later it's ridiculous to message me out of the blue about impossibilities.

Jeez, just tell her the truth, one line will do. Poor cow has obviously got her knickers in a twist over something, and since you couldn't give a shit either way about him or whatever the issue is, why not put her mind at rest?!

"I vaguely remember him but only went on few dates and never slept with him".

You've wasted more time and energy on this by posting here and are creating way more drama than is necessary!

Do not respond to some stranger from the Internet who you have never met asking you personal questions.
You don't know who she/he/it is?
You don't know what their relationship actually is or isn't like.

Keep it blocked - stay safe

Any further contact then contact police

Completely agree with Reanimated

You've wasted more time and energy on this by posting here and are creating way more drama than is necessary!

Why? Especially after the OP posted this:

in the last 24 hours I've had fourteen messages from her. She started with incredibly personal questions and has become quite disturbing.

The person creating the drama is the woman messaging her in what is frankly quite a bizarre manner. Fourteen messages in 24h is ridiculous.

Of course a total stranger asking you if you feel pregnant/had an abortion in the first message is totally normal

OP, I would be pretty angry with the guy you went on a date with for giving her your name. After all, how could she know of you and your name if you only went on four dates 6 years ago?

Maybe he asked her to message as he thought you'd ignore him.

The comment about getting him to out her back in her box was horrible.

I think it’s a case of mistaken identity, she thinks you are another girlfriend he had.

I’d just message her back:

‘I think you have the wrong person, I went on 4 dates with him years ago, we never slept together. Please don’t message me again, thank you.’

I don't get why you wouldn't want to help another person who is clearly in distress.

Just reply you think she's got the wrong woman, you only went on 4 dates! 5 seconds of your time.

I don't get why you wouldn't want to help another person who is clearly in distress

Because they've been vitriolically abusive to you when they don't know you from Adam?!

Christ, this thread.

TheLegendOfBeans

Because they've been vitriolically abusive to you

Where was the vitriolic abuse?

14 messages in 24 hours without introduction, straight away asking for very personal info and getting gradually more angry and demanding in the following messages?

Let me just re-quote the OP, just for those who can't RTFT.

in the last 24 hours I've had fourteen messages from her. She started with incredibly personal questions and has become quite disturbing.

I do think some posters are doing the usual 'nothing is a bigger deal than monogamy and Keeping Your Man so women should always favour another woman worrying about fidelity'. Jealousy, particularly unfounded jealousy, deserves contempt and mockery - or to be completely ignored.

If you can’t even read the OP correctly FlowerPot why are you even here?

I’m stepping away from this thread. I appear to have encountered a parallel universe where if some random flings threatening shit at you over the Internet and makes you feel a bit scared we should embrace and pity them - for they know not what they do

#bullshit

I do think some posters are doing the usual 'nothing is a bigger deal than monogamy and Keeping Your Man so women should always favour another woman worrying about fidelity'.

Yes, exactly this - even in the face of increasingly aggressive messaging of a stranger. The mere suggestion of infidelity seems to excuse all manner of unacceptable behaviour. The OP did absolutely the right thing in blocking without engaging with her.

For what its worth I'd have blocked as well.
We can worry about her MH all we want but if she does have MH issues (and no-one knows she does) then a few words from a stranger on the internet won't be a magical 'cure'.

Also, it's possible the woman is in fact abusing the man OP once dated briefly and he is the one deserving of pity. Aggressive, irrational jealousy is, if not quite abuse, certainly a red flag for abuser tendencies.

If OP has no reason to believe the man is a shit/a player/a liar and split up with him because they were just not that fussed about one another, or wanted different things out of life, there's no reason to jump to the conclusion that he is the one at fault.

TheLegendOfBeans
If you can’t even read the OP correctly FlowerPot why are you even here?

If you can't even give an example of what you call the "vitriolic abuse", why are you even here?

One message back would’ve put an end to it all (would’ve taken 5 seconds) instead OP came on here and started a whole thread about it.

Yes this woman is weird and 14 messages in 24 hours is just wrong, she’s obviously very distraught and troubled.

‘You have the wrong person, we went on 4 dates and never slept together’

Is the least OP could’ve done.

One message back would’ve put an end to it all

Not necessarily. Her behaviour in fact suggests otherwise.

You have the wrong person, we went on 4 dates and never slept together’ NONE of anyone else's business.

RhiannonOHara

"You have the wrong person, we went on 4 dates and never slept together’" NONE of anyone else's business.

But whether something is or not anyone else's business isn't really the point here is it? The OP is getting messages from someone who asks if she could clarify something. Surely the OP wants the other person to go away? The easiest way to have achieved that is way back with a quick 5 second response. She could even add "not that it's any of your business but..". It's not any of my business to help a lot of people out, or go out of my way to calm someone else down, but I would.

Indeed, there's ways of asking a stranger something personal, eve. If you're going through hell and certainly isn't 14 messages in 24 hours.

flower of course she can’t give an example as OP hasn’t posted the wording but OP reported the tone to be disturbing, aggressive, threatening. I think that makes thelegends comments fair.

Of course you don’t have to message her back op. I would have messaged her because I wouldn’t want her thinking those strange things about me, but that would be my choice for my reasons and you have, very fairly, made your choice for your reasons.

Threatening messages which seem unreasonable and uncontrolled coming into your personal and private space (reading that in your living room feels somehow like they are getting in to your life, your space) can be really upsetting and cause anxiety and unhappiness. Blocking that person is like closing the door on someone shouting at you from the street. Totally reasonable.

Flower, you can't say for sure that responding will make this woman go away. The frequency and tone of her messages in fact suggests not (I know I'm repeating myself).

But whether something is or not anyone else's business isn't really the point here is it?

Of course it is the point. If someone I don't know came up to me in the street saying they are dating my ex and want to know if I had fallen pregnant by said ex and/or aborted a pregnancy, I'd tell them to fuck off punch them in the face and not answer the actual question.

To a) acquire the name of someone who was only very briefly on the scene 6 years ago (she would have had to ask him for that or go through his ancient emails) and b) think it appropriate to ask such intrusive questions without any form of normal introductions make the batshitometer swing towards 'fucking batshit and then some'.

Poor lady, he's obviously tormenting her and she obviously reads far too much Take a Break. Although I would have been tempted to say that he's got the wrong lady, blocking her is probably the safest option for you.

Dont get involved! Ignore her. Maybe send her a message saying it was 6 years ago and none or her business. Then block her. Be aware she may make another account and message you under a new name so you may have to spend time reblocking her.

She defo has issues to be polite about it. It maybe she isn't even with your ex. It maybe he doesn't even know she has contacted you. I bet your life you aren't the only one she has contacted either. Not right in the head com springs to mind here. She defo needs a therapist