To ignore her?

[AwayInLalaLand]

I received a series of Facebook message recently from a woman I don't know at all and have no mutual friends with. Apparently, in 2011, I went on four dates with her current boyfriend.

Her messages are very long and she asks a series of personal questions including did he get you pregnant? Did you have an abortion? She asks because "he can't remember". I didn't respond and she's been messaging since calling me unfair for not answering.

I never slept with him.

She is saying it's upsetting him not knowing if he has a child and I owe him an explanation. Funnily enough he has messaged me or attempted to contact me in anyway. She has given me her mobile number and is demanding I call her.

Am I being unreasonable ignoring her and just blocking her or should I respond and fix his memory? I just feel that six years later it's ridiculous to message me out of the blue about impossibilities.

It's a tiny bit of intimate information though honeyroar to a very demanding stranger. 14 messages in 24 hours. Engaging just encourages more messages.

Nope, never reward stalkers and drama llamas with any attention whatsoever.
Remember that this woman might not even be a woman - anyone can pretend to be anything online. it might be a troll or prankster, or some sort of scammer. If she is a genuine obsessive, jealous loser then she deserves contempt, not sympathy. And she/it/they is still not OP's problem.

Why should the op say sorry. How very odd. Please do not unblock her now that you've done so. That in her mind will wind her up more I bet! She probably will think your 'guilty' for blocking her then unblocking her then blocking her again so just leave her blocked.

OP, trust your instincts and keep her blocked.
Appreciate some posters are advising you to reply to reassure her (on the basis of unfounded assumptions concerning her MH) but as many have pointed out - you don't know who she is, the circumstances etc etc. And you certainly should not feel obliged to offer information about your previous relationships.
Police advise is actually to not engage at all if you receive unwanted messages via social media - even if its done to placate the sender.
Many police service websites contain information and advise, this is just one of them:
www.cheshire.police.uk/advice-and-support/stalking-and-harassment/

I don't think it's intimate info saying you haven't seen him for years and certainly don't have a child with him. And I think not answering would just lead to more questions than answering - or even her trying to find out where you live to ask. It makes her suspicions seem more likely if you just block, surely?

I must admit, I'd have sent a short note note saying that we had 4 dates, were not intimate, end of. Then blocked her.

Ah, you've already blocked her. Keep it that way. Unless she gets seriously threatening, in which case call the police.

Those saying that the OP should have been kind and given her a tiny bit of information need to realise that actually it is none of this woman's business at all. If the man in question is so upset wondering about it then he would get in touch but he hasn't and who knows what story he is feeding this woman.

Technically no it's not her business, but how is it such a big deal to just say "no, I only knew him very briefly" to someone's? It's not like its exposing a big secret or getting someone in trouble. It's non news, barely anything to be described as business. I really couldn't get het up about her knowing that. And I'd be more worried that if she was some crazy stalker woman she'd investigate me further (as in where I lived) because she though me blocking her was because I had something to hide (ie, a child).

@honeyroar - but where's the line?
Do you think that if you reply '"no, I only knew him very briefly" that she'll accept that?

This from someone who sent her 14 messages harassing for information?
And you have no idea if her story about the man is true or not, or what he is telling her.

Who's to say she won't get more obsessive and find your address etc?

She did the right thing. Do not engage.

I think Away getting a little bit of a hard time from some posters about this.

Remember she’s had fourteen apparently long messages from this stranger.

If on consideration of that much communication (in one day) she’s decided on balance not to engage then I don’t think it’s fair to imply that she’s been unkind in any way or has any responsibility at all to respond to this person.

We haven’t seen the messages (nor should we).

I think there has been plenty of posts explaining why. You obviously don't agree.

Those saying that the OP should have been kind and given her a tiny bit of information need to realise that actually it is none of this woman's business at all.

I agree with this that it isn't the woman's business, but at the same time I also think that the easiest way to stop this kind of harassment is to deal with it and not just hope it goes away if you ignore it long enough. For all the OP knows this woman is going to continue escalating her behaviour until she gets some sort of response so I wouldn't have replied out of "kindness" but out of practicality to stop the process. If not replying is causing her to escalate then the best thing to do is to respond once and ask her not to message you any further.

"I knew this person X years ago, we did not sleep together so I am 100% certain we do not have a child together. I have no wish to discuss this any further so please do not contact me again or I will consider it to be harassment."

At best it stops it entirely as the woman has an answer, at worst it changes nothing but you can at least say you made an effort to head it off rather than just pretending it doesn't exist.

If she escalates, have her arrested. It will either get her the MH support she needs or teach her an equally necessary sharp lesson about harassing strangers because she's got a stick up her arse.

People like this should never be pandered to.

Has she been in touch since OP ?

Sounds a bit worrying OP. Hope you are ok.

Do not engage with her and block immediately. She sounds like a total fruit loop.

I think the OP did the right thing. She obviously was going to reply to the one message but 14, which were rude and intrusive, is horrible to receive.

Of course it is none of the OP’s ‘business’ but many many things in life aren’t our business but getting involved, helping, being kind all contribute to making society a more pleasant place to be. We are not cows grazing in a field, each in our own bubble. This is what is wrong with the world today. There is no sense of community or concern about anyone who is unrelated to us just for the sake of it.

For every person saying sending g one measly response to this woman is encouraging her, that she has MH problems etc. We don’t know. The only thing that we can tell is she is being driven to distraction and/or is very distressed for whatever reason. One brief courteous reply is surely worth it if it just might help this woman.

Hmmm, after reading the thread I'm inclined to agree - don't respond as it might very well escalate. Whatever you write might not satisfy her and "put her out of her misery". Keep a record of the messages and block her.

The op has no idea who this woman is or if she is even in a relationship with this man. She could be any kind of shit stirrer

Thing is, women are constantly socialised to be 'nice and kind' and put others' requirements ahead of their own. It's actually quite important to remember that you don't owe a hostile stranger anything. This woman/person (whoever or whatever the correspondent may be: OP doesn't know) appeared with a string of aggressive messages. OP didn't invite this correspondence, which refers to a very short-lived relationship she had several years ago, why should she pay any attention to some random doing the equivalent of screaming at her in the street? The woman's behaviour is thoroughly unreasonable and should not be rewarded with any kind of attention - the fact that it's 'another woman in (alleged) distress' doesn't make it any more deserving of OP's time than if it was some creepy man whining that he's lonely and 'just wants to be friendly'.

Any repeated, unwanted communication counts as stalking. OP said the messages are rude and ask intrusive questions, and they are from a stranger. Blocking and ignoring is the most appropriate response but if the stalker moves on to eg phone calls or showing up at OP's place of work, or sending stuff through the mail, then involving the police is a good idea.

Late coming to this and haven't read every post. The messages could be seen as desperate rather than 'mad'. What if she is pregnant and your ex is pressurising her in some way? I'd message her a couple of lines as others have suggested.