To ignore her?

[AwayInLalaLand]

I received a series of Facebook message recently from a woman I don't know at all and have no mutual friends with. Apparently, in 2011, I went on four dates with her current boyfriend.

Her messages are very long and she asks a series of personal questions including did he get you pregnant? Did you have an abortion? She asks because "he can't remember". I didn't respond and she's been messaging since calling me unfair for not answering.

I never slept with him.

She is saying it's upsetting him not knowing if he has a child and I owe him an explanation. Funnily enough he has messaged me or attempted to contact me in anyway. She has given me her mobile number and is demanding I call her.

Am I being unreasonable ignoring her and just blocking her or should I respond and fix his memory? I just feel that six years later it's ridiculous to message me out of the blue about impossibilities.

I think if it was me I would have sent her a very succinct message back telling her there were no babies (or even any sex for that matter) and then told her not to message me again. Then blocked her.

The only reason I would do this is because if she’s that desperate to know, she may attempt to pester more if she doesn’t get an answer at all.

You don’t owe her an answer at all, but giving her a short ‘no, now buggar off’ could be all that’s needed to stop her pestering you further.

Maybe she has you confused with another of his exs? It sounds like he's told her something and she has found out that he was seeing you, so she's put 2 and 2 together to make 5!

Given how unhinged she sounds, i wouldn't be surprised if she's been going through his old diaries or pestering his uni friends to see if they can remember who he dated.

I'd have sent a message saying you knew him vaguely, you think she has you confused with someone else and she has no grounds to worry about any of your (extremely brief and mundane) history with him. However, her messages are highly inappropriate and you are asking her to never contact you again.

I'd been concerned that someone that insistent would be waiting on my doorstep one night when I got home, clearly somewhat unhinged. Hopefully booking her will be the end of it!

Blocking please don't book her

I don’t see why you’re being held responsible for the mh of a total stranger when you have only the most tentative connection with the stranger’s bf.

It is not your responsibility to help their relationship, and frankly I wouldn’t take the risk of doing anying but blocking her. I’m afraid her mh issues (if there are any) need to be dealt ih by bf and her own friends and family.

And particularly as the bf pretends he can’t remember if there was a child or an abortion, when there wasn’t even a shag! It sounds more likely she’s making it all up, and on here we say “don’t feed the trolls”, don’t we?

I'd message the boyfriend asking him if he knows what he is involved with...

Maybe it's because of my advanced age (56) but I find the idea of telling a complete stranger that I never slept with her alleged boyfriend very odd indeed. I'd have blocked with no message. 14 messages in 24 hours? No, even if they'd all been very polite and reasonable, and the OP suggests they weren't.

I agree with the people who are saying women are socialised to be very helpful and polite and this doesn't always serve us well. It is none of this woman's business what the OP did or did not do with her allebed boyfriend many years ago. She is being very intrusive and rude and the OP should give her no more headspace.

I'd be making up an imaginary life for the "child" he "fathered" and how you're so pleased to have gotten in touch with him, you'll send over the invoice for the years of money he owes you

But I'm immature like that

Oh she's totally nuts.

Give her nothing just block her

Block! She sounds like a crazy lady :-o

Don't engage in it at all, she has absolutely no right to contact you and clearly doesn't trust him. You don't want dragging into their drama and I've have blocked too. To send aggressive messages when you haven't responded is frankly disturbing, and you've completely done the right thing. If she does carry on making contact via other means, report her to the Police. It's harassment.

OP's long gone. Hopefully Stalky Sally hasn't eaten her...

I would send a polite message to put her mind at ease then block. It wouldn't hurt to send one message and may stop her in her tracks. If it doesn't, she'd be blocked anyway.

Reply with, "oh I'd forgotten about him, have his warts cleared up?"

Don't know if this has been mentioned but if there was for some reason a similar scenario where it was a man obsessively messaging OP asking repeatedly and hysterically whether the OP had slept with a man who she went on a few dates with 6 years ago, would people still be saying that the OP is just "secretly enjoying tormenting him" be replying, or saying "poor man, you should just give him an explanation."?

I don't think it's fair to say that the OP, or anyone, owes any time or engagement to someone who is harassing them or in any other way acting intimidating. And FWIW my DH's OP is similarly batshit and when we got together I she harassed me on social media too; I too thought the right and good thing to do was to engage rationally and sensibly and try to put her mind at ease. It didn't work at all, it took 3 years for her to stop being scary and she is still pretty weird.

Just block and move on OP; if it is so important for him to be reminded who he has slept with (Bullshit IMO) then it is up to him to resolve this.

be replying = by not replying

DH's ex, not OP! sorrry

I actually think you're being quite cruel ignoring her. Rightly or wrongly she's clearly distressed,just put her mind at rest! If she then continues to message you then that's a different story but one message to stop the torment won't hurt.
I can't believe how many people on here are so flippant of others feelings.

Haven't read the entire thread, but bear in mind if you unblock on facebook, you have to wait 48 hours before you can block them again!!

You really don't owe her any information about your sex/private life, past or present.

I'd probably tell her in the hope it would shut her up (blocking would immediately follow), but if you don't want to, you're not obliged. Do whatever you're comfortable with.

I don't imagine the fate of the relationship hangs on this (not that that's your problem)...it'll clearly fail at some point due to her nutjobbery.

Other than block what else would you do ? That's surely the only option here ?

@Reanimated I haven't been eaten. I do have an update. I blocked her as you know so today I received a very angry message from said not-even-an-ex asking me why I'd been messaging his gf and making things up. So would I be completely out of line to send the screenshots of the messages to him? I sent them to my bf to show how what I was sent and he thinks I should send them. I did blank out her name/identifying information and mobile number (she was demanding I ring her immediately to give information on any pregnancies that may have ever occurred) to give the girl some dignity.

Could you just answer her strange question with a 'no'? then block her. Hopefully it will put her out of misery.

Good God, I wouldn't answer her incredibly intrusive questions either. You had 4 dates with him not her. If she needs answers then let her ask her boyfriend.

One message, a very polite, apologetic enquiry about weather or not he may have fathered a child with you and if he wishes to help emotionally and financially with that child, then I would engage with him to set him straight. I would not engage with his girlfriend, no matter how politely worded her message was, simply because she wasn't involved in your short relationship so it is not up to her to ask questions about any child that may have resulted from your time together.

As for asking about abortions, well she can fuck off, how dare a random stranger think it's ok to ask that.

Ignore and keep her blocked. She should have more sense in her head. If he wants to know then he can man up and ask you himself.

She has sent you 14 messages, that tells me she is best ignored. I am rather shocked by those who think she deserves any explanations.