To ignore her?

[AwayInLalaLand]

I received a series of Facebook message recently from a woman I don't know at all and have no mutual friends with. Apparently, in 2011, I went on four dates with her current boyfriend.

Her messages are very long and she asks a series of personal questions including did he get you pregnant? Did you have an abortion? She asks because "he can't remember". I didn't respond and she's been messaging since calling me unfair for not answering.

I never slept with him.

She is saying it's upsetting him not knowing if he has a child and I owe him an explanation. Funnily enough he has messaged me or attempted to contact me in anyway. She has given me her mobile number and is demanding I call her.

Am I being unreasonable ignoring her and just blocking her or should I respond and fix his memory? I just feel that six years later it's ridiculous to message me out of the blue about impossibilities.

I think I’d go with replying to say “No sorry, we didn’t sleep together therefore no DC” and then block, don’t delete the messages though.

This could serve to wind her up further though as she may think “Well if he didn’t have a baby with LaLa which ex was it?!” and it could send her Spidey senses into overdrive! But, that isn’t your problem!

I do have children but I dated him in 2011 and DC1 was born over two years later.

Unless you are an elephant, he has nothing worry about from the CSA.

Just FB her back and say ‘you are harassing me and I am now going to block you after this. John and I had 4 dates and never slept together’

I'd wonder if someone had said to her "he's been unfaithful to you, you know, and I think there might be a child. " She has confronted him and he has said "oh rubbish! So-and-So is thinking about [you] who I only went out with for four dates and didn't even sleep with " knowing that if/when you confirm that he's off the hook.

I started this thread thinking you should have replied; now I think you might be right to block and ignore.

But the suggestions about saying you had twins etc - please not even in jest!

I think it's a bit OTT to block without a reply. I'd give Italian Greyhound's reply and then block if you get any further hassle. Personally I'd rather give her the benefit of the doubt and be nice. It won't hurt.

another vote with shifty. It would bother me that some batty woman will be planning other ways to find out about any possible children. Just tell her and forget her.

I am not an elephant I swear!

I can search him on Fb and find him but I haven't had anything at all to do with him since 2011. We've not messaged, seen eachother, anything at all. Their accounts both list "in relationship with" so they are together.

I can definitely see how I may be being unreasonable but if he was that bothered why wouldn't he message me rather than her? Especially when she been nothing but unpleasant. It puts me off engaging because I highly doubt that would be the end of it and I couldn't reblock her for 48 hours

It's a big mess and honestly I'd rather be as far away from it as possible

Yes I suspect she’s found out he’s having an affair

It’s all kicked off very quickly and intensely. I recon she’s discovered he has had an affair or has a child with a different woman. Not you.

i would tell her and then block. why not tell her? he's obviously philandering his way through life and she has found out about something. put her mind at rest at least.

Why are people assuming she has MH issues?
They sound like loads of people I know. Massive great drama queens who live their lives on social media.
More likely they enjoy winding each other up.
Who is to say she isn't telling him about all her exs whilst he is feigning amnesia about how many kids he has?

Not your circus etc...

He may not even realise she is harassing you.

You could text back and say you had to really think about who he was as you couldn't remember him. There were 4 dates, no sex and definitely no baby.

All you had to say is “we didn’t sleep together” it’s like you are secretly enjoying tormenting her! That wound have been it then, now you are opening yourself up to a whole other level of crazy.
She will be at your door next.

I can’t believe how many people think the op owes a stranger who is harassing her details of her dating history and sex life.

I’d still tell her boyfriend what she is doing.

If she ramps up into full-on harassment the police will want to see that you've taken all reasonable steps to stop her. So I do think you should respond to her, just once, to tell her you didn't even have sex with this man and barely knew him, and that you don't want her to contact you again. Save all your messages, just in case.

I hope she leaves you alone now.

Couple of reasons Lola
Its none of the GF's business who the op did or didn't sleep with
If she replies its pretty unlikely the GF will take her word for it. Reasonable people tend not to send multiple messages on FB asking strangers if they have had sex.

BLOCK. Do not engage with this woman, nothing you say, will be enough. Infact if this carries on, I'd ring the Police for a chat, just so that they are aware.

I don't think it's an attitude of "fuck it, not my problem, not gonna reply!" as it is being worried about communicating with an aggressive unhinged person.

She's a loon, you've no obligation AT all to send a 'quick sentence' or to be 'kind' to her, and he doesn't even know she's been in touch with you. That's my take.

Leave her blocked and don't spend time thinking about it any further.

I'd say she's being lied to and wound up by someone. You have no idea at this point if she is 'batshit' so I'd have a bit of sympathy for this person who is clearly distressed and say 'I have no idea why you even think this but we literally went on a few dates and never even slept together. Whoever is giving you this information is trying to get at you or something.' Then if she kept it up and appeared not to believe me I'd block her.

My first instinct would be to block her as well - especially given the OP's update. but I think my second would be to unblock, tell her you have no children with this man and if she ever tries to contact you again, by any means, for any reason you will be involving the police. And then follow through with that if she does. MH issues or not, 14 messages in 24 hours demanding to know intimate details of a strangers life is a bit much.

Oh, I missed the part about 14 messages from her. That might change how I treated her.

I had a woman contact me through FB after I accepted a friend request from her boyfriend. She asked if I was the person who her boyfriend had been messaging in secret. I replied with the truth - that he was someone I knew as part of a bigger crowd when I was 15 and hadn't had any contact other than this friend request in 20 years. She didn't believe me, kept messaging asking other stuff, calling me names etc. In the end I blocked the pair of them and heard nothing else.

She presumably has issues and this is bothering her for whatever reason - I would have replied that you never slept with him and would appreciate her not contacting you again ... when she'd seen it, then I would have blocked her, but not answering may feed into her paranoia which isn't fair in my opinion

On all the Relationship threads, the advice is not to reply to people who bombard you with messages, because that only teaches them it takes 20 or whatever number of messages to get a reply out of you.

Maybe with hindsight it could have been better if you'd replied, but I wouldn't reply now because of the above.