To ignore her?

[AwayInLalaLand]

I received a series of Facebook message recently from a woman I don't know at all and have no mutual friends with. Apparently, in 2011, I went on four dates with her current boyfriend.

Her messages are very long and she asks a series of personal questions including did he get you pregnant? Did you have an abortion? She asks because "he can't remember". I didn't respond and she's been messaging since calling me unfair for not answering.

I never slept with him.

She is saying it's upsetting him not knowing if he has a child and I owe him an explanation. Funnily enough he has messaged me or attempted to contact me in anyway. She has given me her mobile number and is demanding I call her.

Am I being unreasonable ignoring her and just blocking her or should I respond and fix his memory? I just feel that six years later it's ridiculous to message me out of the blue about impossibilities.

If you unblock to message, you cannot re-block for 48hrs, just something to be aware of.

Sorry but I'm another who agrees it would be much kinder and really no trouble to you to reply saying 'No we never slept together so that would be impossible' before you block.

Totally ignoring her just gives her reason to believe you have something to hide.

Do you have mutual friends with the guy you briefly dated? That will most likely be how she found you. She sounds unhinged.

Before she blocked her on FB she would have seen you profile and cover photo and all likes/messages.

They're public by default

Before you blocked her ...

But her whole story doesn’t add up. Presumably ex KNOWS he didn’t sleep with OP and as such knows she’s not had his child. He’s not lying awake worrying about that, so either he’s lying to his current GF or she’s fishing.

I wonder if he’s been trying to present himself as a ‘player’ to impress her and it has backfired massively.

Was the relationship built up in his mind - you state that you didn't sleep with him - that doesn't mean he didn't fantasize. This might explain her emails, if he's claiming otherwise?

She might not be the unhinged one, but, someone in a relationship with an unhinged person.

Did he act normally on those four dates?

Do NOT reply.
Block.
If you send a 'kind but firm' message it won't make a bit of difference.
She will say you are lying, he has put you up to it, how could you et etc.

Do not get involved with this mess. You went on a few dates and didn't sleep with him, no way he doesn't remember this!
Either she is an abusive nightmare, he is a gaslighting arse or they are both as bad as each other.
Don't put yourself in the middle of this fgs.

Say he needs to transfer £10,000 as a one off and you and the kids will stay out of his life forever...then block

I do feel sorry for the woman-but what shit is he telling her FFS?

He's upset because he might have a child with Op??!!

So he's saying he had sex with Op & that he didn't use contraception?

Or that it's possible??

Christ she should be running away not upsetting herself over him.

Sounds an awful mess & one that it's better to stay out of imo.

@internetcrazies I'm so sorry you went through this! Hope she gets a lengthy sentence.

The messages go into a requests folder that is hidden in my inbox so I only got a notification about the first one. I was busy so by the time I checked I had four. I was a bit concerned so thought about what I may be getting into. Slept on it went back the following evening to reply and had a lot more messages.

Yes, PP I know and I'm unwilling to have her unblocked for 48 hours

Wow..doesn't she sound lovely! Glad you've blocked her. Keep a record of the messages if you can, in case she tries anything else

So; another thread is asking if OP 'should tell the fiancée of her soon to be husbands ' sexual relationship with the poster. ( Long ago) Many say 'yes' she deserves to know. Now on this post distressed woman asking personal questions re past sexual relationship and possibility of baby. Am I the only one to think these are maybe 2 sides of same coin? 'Kind' person decides to interfere;wrong info and genuine distress caused? . Perhaps this is why raking over the past is not good and can cause mental health issues to surface/resurface.

I'd assume he's cheated on her with more than one woman, one of whom he thinks he may have got knocked up, but can't remember which one.

If he's so upset not knowing if he has children, then why isn't he contacting you himself? And what is he telling her, he 'can't remember who he slept with'?

I'm not sure I would want to get involved in whatever is going on. You don't know who she is. Maybe she's stalking the 'boyfriend' and trying to find out everything she can about him? Do you know for sure that she is actually dating him?

I think I would probably ignore her, contact him directly and say 'FYI some woman keeps harassing me about you, do you know anything about this?'

I find it disturbing that she's found you (and messaged 14 times in 24 hours? ) if you do not have him on any of your social media and you're not even listed under your real name. If a mutual friend gave her your details, then surely they would have known your DC isn't this ex's kid and just told her that themselves?

She does sound unhinged. Who knows what the back story is but I think you are right to block and ignore. Her relationship problems are not yours.

Is it better to ping off a quick fact statement of the type @ItalianGreyhound suggests or is it better to give zero response?

It's also all very well to say "poor woman with evident MH issues" but I'm sure that @internetcrazies probably thought that about the perpetrator in her situation too. Understanding doesn't make it any less scary or invasive.

The risk of sending the statement of fact about the relationship is that she sounds already too far gone to attempt to reason with: hence the delightful yet factual term "you can't argue with crazy".

So block. But just keep your wits about you, review all social media security settings, anything else you've ever posted such as blogs, check your entry on 192.com and finally if you have LinkedIn set that to private too.

A friend of mine had her male chum's ex turn up at her work in the mistaken belief he was having it off with her. It massively damaged her professional reputation as she's been in the role for only a fortnight and it was a stuffy Chancery Lane law firm.

I agree with others who suggested a brief reply along the lines of 'I only went on 4 dates and never slept with him, now leave me alone' before blocking. She sounds crazy so I'd also probably copy her messages and sent them to the ex, telling him to get her to leave you the fuck alone as well.

I understand why some say should have sympathy for her distress and at least give her an answer. But the number of messages she has sent suggest she's quite a disturbed individual - in which case it really is best not to engage at all.

But the number of messages she has sent suggest she's quite a disturbed individual

Her feelings are still real though. Why would you dismiss helping someone on the grounds that they might be 'disturbed'?

I'm not suggesting anyone should 'get involved', but a single response as suggested upthread? I can't see the problem.

I would simply say "I had four dates and never slept with XY, so of course no pregnancy. I am blocking you now, please do not message again." Then leave it.
Do the above. In a bizzare way, crazy though she sounds, I feel for her a little God knows what he's said/is saying to her to make her behave in this way. Anyway, sending the above message will sort it. xx

Are you still in touch with the guy or can you find him easily (Fb/mutual friends etc?). I thnk I might be tempted to let him know how many times this woman has messaged you, a stranger, asking intrusive questions, he knows very well that you only had 4 dates and never slept together so please ask her to leave you alone.

Do you have any evidence that she actually is his gf? He might have his own stalker who is escalating.....

Why would you dismiss helping someone on the grounds that they might be 'disturbed'?

But it might not help them to engage. It might make their distress greater if you offer up one tidbit of info and then hide away (the way it could be seen through distressed eyes).

Maybe it's better to let the obsessed party burn their curiosity out solo than giving them anything to work with.

It just seems safer for all concerned that way.

tell her the triplets are doing fine without him

Redbullblood beat me to it.
She is batshit,

He is a twonk.

Ignore.