To wonder why you wouldn't make a small effort to cover up whilst feeding?

[BonkToTheFinish]

Not in your own home or whatever else that is within comfort zone for you.

I’m talking restraunts, places to eat etc etc

I don’t really understand it. A good friend of mine liked a picture that I came across today titled “Not even trying to cover up in public anymore, most natural thing ever 👌❤️”

Picture is of said woman in a bit swankier than average place to eat, boob completely out without thought and baby isn’t covering it at all really.

You do NOT NOT NOT have to cover a baby’s head to be discrete. You don’t even have to wear specialist clothing, it’s very easy to be discrete without having to have the whole breast completely on show.

I wouldn’t just feed DS with a whole boob out, it isn’t necessary and although BF is natural, some people do feel uncomfortable about breasts and aren’t comfortable seeing one completely on show - It doesn’t mean they’d say anything and that’s because they’re polite.

Is it really necessary to have whole boob out like that? AIBU?

I can’t say I’ve seen many people doing it, SIL was feeding her newborn DS a few weeks back and I was shocked she was feeding. I couldn’t actually tell, and baby has a small latch issue.

I’ve only ever seen one other person in public being a bit too in your face about it. She had the whole thing out and wasn’t too bothered regarding her DC being on there etc. She had it out before he was even out of the pram from waking up. The breast was directing me in life, so it seemed, by its swinging

The thing is this YOUR problem, you’re banging on about how women don’t need to do this or that and should cover up to protect your abnormal views about breasts but it’s down to you and your frankly offensive mindset.
Stop making it their problem and responsibility to appease you, stop trying to control other women in order to get what you want.
Instead look at why you find this so offensive and sort out your issues, they’re doing nothing wrong you’re just judging with conditioned eyes, you’re conditioned to think boobs are sexual objects and therefore rude or dirty so you get offended when you see them outside of that context.
Stop oppressing and degrading women and own your shit.

OP, I have to agree with this, so YABU.

You make it very clear that the bit you're on about is that moment between getting a boob out, and the baby latching, and going on about flashing a whole boob. Yet there have been plenty of women on here who have explained why they are doing this and it's entirely down to practicalities. Not one of them has said it's about being ostentatious or flaunting a boob and you are consistently ignoring what they are saying.

I've fed my DCs in many places, I've seen so many women fed their own DCs, and have even seen whole boobs . Yet I have still to see a woman being ostentatious or "look at me" about feeding their little one.

OP I think your attitude on this thread has been horrible. You seem to think your need to not be offended whilst eating a meal trumps the feelings of the breastfeeding mother. So what if you're a bit offended eating one meal once in a blue moon? You get to forget about it the next day and carry on as normal. Compare that to a new mum reading this thread who is struggling to get her baby to latch in a discreet way. Attitudes like yours can really knock the confidence of a mother just trying to do the best by her baby, we all know there are loads of health benefits to it. If breastfeeding then fails because the poor woman feels she can't go out and about and feed her baby without offending people then this can have long lasting effects. I know people who are still beating themselves up about breastfeeding not working out for them months and months later. Plus the baby loses out on the immunity etc.
For that reason the feelings of the breastfeeding mother are more important than yours in this situation. If you make someone feel uncomfortable feeding, there is every chance she will still be dwelling on it days later, you have probably put it out of your mind the instant you leave the cafe.
So why can't you just be nice? You have no idea how much some people have struggled to get breastfeeding going.

Blimey Pandora you can't shield your ds from breastfeeding women all his life!

My SIL ended up formula feeding because she has huge boobs and couldn’t feed “discreetly” in public. She said she felt really envious of women who could just slip a few layers of clothing around and latch on their baby without any flesh showing. That just makes me feel really sad for her.

I saw her feed at home plenty of times. Never any nipple on show, she just has a lot of boob that her baby’s head couldn’t hide. She wasn’t flaunting or being me-me-me or “whafting” or any of those things, just trying her best to feed her baby.

I did try to encourage a “fuck you” attitude to people like you, but she ended up bottle feeding when out and about and dropped the breastfeeding altogether. It’s such a shame that anyone even gives a shit. I honestly don’t get why you can’t fuck off and mind your own business.

Hmm. Why are so many women discreet then. I know many women that have or are breastfeeding and all of them are discreet. This tells me it’s because that’s what they’re happy with.

YANBU.

OP, if you ever said something to me while I was out BF and I had my boob out, I’d just tell you to fuck off. Simply. That’s all you get from me, I’m trying to feed a hungry baby while also eat my own damn food and hold a conversation. You are simply the last person I’m thinking of.

Take your internal misogyny somewhere else, I simply don’t have time for people like you. You’d get a similar reaction from my husband, who would probably be with me as I feed. Mind your own business.

I won’t conform to your ideals for how I should be feeding my child, just to make you comfortable. If its comfortable for me and my baby, then you’ll just need to deal with it (much easier than I’d be able to find a more comfortable position, probably, ya know, by you just looking the other fucking way and minding your own business).

He won’t be an awkward 11 year old his life Lethaldrizzle.

OP I really don't understand your motivation here...

To be fair I’ve hardly seen anyone do the whole boob on show thing, but it definitely is a thing. Many do, in fact, just not give a toss for anyone else and do the whole boob out thing, for an extra unnecessary amount of time too.

So you have hardly seen the very thing you've started a thread on? The way you're going on you'd swear there's an epidemic of bf mothers marauding in cafes with their boobs out?

I agree with PP this thread IS damaging. It's damaging to vulnerable new mums for whom getting out of the house is itself a victory. For the first 2 months of my DS life going for coffee was my only lifeline. To then worry about the amount of boob on show when I was feeding would have tipped me over the edge.

Pandora, and some women are happy to have the rest of their boob out because that works for them. FFS, stop trying to pretend every person can do the same thing.

My boobs are fucking large. I probably flash more boobs by wearing a low cut top than a small boobed lady trying to breastfeed indiscreetly.

If you’re worried about him seeing side boob Pandora I strongly suggest never turning on the TV, any smartphone or tablet, or even wandering outside

Pandora My DS is 13, and has no problem with seeing a mum bf her baby. He just sees it as mum feeds baby, nothing else. The reason is I totally normalised it for him, didn't see it as something to "protect" him from, because, well, it isn't.

OP, you are entitled to your opinion. I happen not to agree with you, nor do a lot of other posters on this thread.

If you genuinely don’t understand why people don’t make a small effort to cover up while feeding, then the answers have been given to you many times over by PPs. What you are actually saying is that you think everyone should behave in the same way you do, because YOU think it’s important not to show a ‘whole boob’ in a restaurant. We are all in agreement that it is a good thing that any woman has a right to breastfeed in a restaurant. Even if some women are more ‘in your face’ than you would like, frankly, tough! So what if they are doing it just to make a point? They feel it is a point worth making - who are you to take away their freedom to do that?

11 year old boys are embarrassed about everything.
I think it actually shows thoughtfullness and is sweet that he felt he may be intruding and so left the room.
That is however, different from him (or you) feeling women should act and dress in ways that avoid him feeling uncomfortable.
Part of your job is to teach him respect and that it's OK to feel embarrassed but not OK to think that his embarssment should always dictate how others should act.

To answer your question - because it was far more important to me that my babies were comfortable and feeding effectively than to protect the feelings of professionally offended prudes who refuse to stop staring at breasts.

Pandora we need to raise our sons differently. It's part of the problem. There is no way you should be trying to 'protect ' your ds from a breast feeding mum and to be fair most women don't want to breast feed in front of an 11 year old boy. But that would never stop me. My own son didn't seem bothered but then are your own mothers breasts better than someone elses?

It's called breast feeding, not nipple feeding.

My kids are all totally in love with breastfeeding babies. (We come into contact with young mums daily). My 8 year old son hasn't figured out that only women can do this and when they are playing, he often BF's a baby. I think it's cute, and reflective of what he feels comfortable with. Hopefully he will grow up to be a very supportive man of any BF mums that he should encounter.

Instead of silently judging, perhaps in future, ask the mum if she needs anything to be more comfortable. A glass of water and a smile will go a long way. And perhaps, just maybe, this little interaction will assist you in your education on how to be a more accepting and understanding person, and to stop judging other mums based on your own limited experiences. Breastfeeding, like childbirth and many aspects of raising children is not a one size fits all experience.

I personally do not want be confronted by a huge blue veined boob while I'm trying to eat my toasted tea cake in a cafe. Yes it's All wonderful and natural and free, on tap, bonding etc. But do have a bit of decoram

PricklyBall I agree with you, but that 10% seems so vocal about their dislike and there seem to be a fair few saying that respecting the feelings of those who are uncomfortable is important too. Although to be fair I'm sure I'll be too knackered to care what anyone thinks in the even that I actually have a newborn. :)

Chances are sadly that at 11 years old he's seen more graphic things than a woman breastfeeding. Jesus.

Op YABU.

Well just look at your teacake, Sweetpea55. There are muscles in your eyes that allow you to move them around.

Sweetpea55 what about people in sandals? I don’t like feet. Should they stop being in cafes? What about men with unkempt beards? Doesn’t seem hygienic, no tea cakes for them! At least breastfeeding achieves something!

I don’t want to see silly twats chewing tea cakes like cud in cafes, yes it’s all wonderful and natural but have a bit of decorum.

I personally do not want be confronted by a huge blue veined boob while I'm trying to eat my toasted tea cake in a cafe

But you're ok with it if they're small and not veiny..?