to find it sad that women talk about their DH’a achievements like they are their own

[Curiositykilledthecat113]

On all these “how much do you earn” threads I find it sad to see so many women who gave up careers of a lot of money to be a SAHM and talk proudly about their DH’s income as if it’s their achievement. I wonder why it’s always the woman who cares for the children and how so many woman can decide to give up work leaving them in such a vulnerable position if the husband leaves them.

* Can someone point me towards one of these Tom Hardy lookalikes please?*

Why hello newdaddie

points at mirror

Dude, Tom not Oliver.

Maybe you should think of it another way. If a housewife leaves and the man has to replace her, with childcare, cleaner, etc how much would he have to pay?
That's what a housewife 'earns' I'm sure it's been worked out.

Maybe you should think of it another way. If a housewife leaves and the man has to replace her, with childcare, cleaner, etc how much would he have to pay?
That's what a housewife 'earns' I'm sure it's been worked out.

On another note in my first few months in London on about 1980 I went to a very nice secretarial agency to see about temp work. It was a lovely chat but one of the questions was "what does your father do". Yes, I did call them on it and they said it gave them a rounded picture of the girls they were placing. Thank goodness life has moved on.

Headoffthehive, if a housewife leaves, the husband only needs to find 'replacement' for when he is at work which is nursery / childminder etc When he returns, he can cook and clean like all other single parents do. If he can afford it, he can pay for a cleaner to come twice a week and he can drop his suit off at the drycleaner on the way to work. He doesn't need another whole human being for 24hrs to manage his life, does he?

Imagine the life of a single parent - people do these things everyday and don't even break a sweat.

insideoutsider In a number of cases it has been pointed out that the primary earner has had increased demands on their time which may not be compatible with nursery/childminder.
I am sure it is manageable but why would you if you don't have to and have made a joint decision not too.

The thing about those housewife wage calculations is that they are are often quite artificial and involve multiple counting i.e. overlapping nanny/cleaner/chef/chauffeur salaries. They also forget that the children are 50% the "housewife's" generic material and therefore she ought to be funding 50% of the costs (or proportionately depending on salary) or paying maintenance if she left.
Also you cannot count it as a 24 hour a day job because working parents just have to fill in all the gaps that a nanny, cleaner etc wouldn't.

But here's a rough idea from our household.
Full time nursery for 3 year old - £550 a month (includes 30 hours free)
Nanny 2 evenings a week - £200 a month.
Night nanny - £0 (covered by working parents)
Childcare costs for secondary school child - £0.
Cleaner and ironing service - £200 a month.
Getting shopping delivered - approx a month £10.
Laundry £0 (covered by working parents)
Cooking dinner £0 (covered by working parents).
Cooking meals at weekends £0 (covered by working parents).
Interim cleaning and tidying £0 (covered by working parents).
Taxiing children (outside that done by nanny) £0 (covered by working parents).
=£960 (less deduction for it being your own children if applicable)

Then out of that "wage" less reduction as above you'd deduct the living costs (up to 50% mortgage/rent and bills, food, holiday costs etc) that someone wage earning would contribute towards.

Compared to getting free bed and board, 50% share in a property, free holidays and access to joint account, it doesn't look like such a good deal to be paid for the tasks instead.

one of the questions was "what does your father do".

Funnily enough, I was reminiscing the other day about being asked exactly the same question, c.2002, for a front office City job. I ended up getting - and taking - the job and, in fairness to the chap who asked it, it was intended to sort out the people who'd forged their own paths from the people whose dad was a City big shot who'd got them a job. I did point out that it was ill advised and wouldn't necessarily be seen in that light!

That's a great post honey.

I've been trying to fathom why the OP would have such an attitude towards SAHMs mentioning their husbands income on the other thread. I don't know if you're married or not OP, but I suspect you are someone who would always maintain separate finances if you were. You would always have "my" money and "his" money.

That's fine, but I think most married couples, even if both are working, have joint finances. It ceases to matter what one or the other earns, especially when children come along, as it's all just family income.

You will see in the thread that, as well as SAHMs, many working women will say, "I earn x and my husband earns y". That's not because they are claiming to earn that money as well. . It's because the reality of their disposable income is x plus y and that's the real income that they base their lifestyle choices on.

This is just obvious stuff really and I don't know why anyone would give a hoot how anyone sees their finances or how their marriage works.

This thread has only covered SAHMs with rich husbands - what about the Facebook Full Time Mummys that live off tax credits?

honey

I'm not sure that it would be acceptable to leave a year 7 all evening and overnight to care for herself.
Also, yes a man could clean for himself, and shop, but these are tasks to be done and would leave little if any free time without outsourcing or having a housewife do it.
My DH often isn't here for tea, so he wouldn't be cooking!
Or here to taxi children around.
You imagine that the wife is still there, but I'm thinking about when one if them isn't there..it's not just childcare until the children are at school.

Wow, why would anyone have a problem with SAHM. Not everyone has amazing careers that leave them fulfilled.
Personally I couldn’t bear leaving my kids behind with someone else. I know they ultimately wanted me. On top of that, I do have a husband who worked on calls and all sorts of hours. He earns way more than I could earn, he also loves his job more than me, so it makes sense for me to take a step back. I never fully stopped working, because as a midwife I didn’t want to lose my registration, but I did do the bare minimum. Now our youngest is at school, I would love to go back. Realistically I can only work office hours, to work around my husband. An office hour midwifery job is also rare as hens teeth!
We literally need childcare that’s ultra flexible 24/7. After 10y of au pairs & nannies, who have a habit of resigning at short notice, I felt staying at home for a while was far less stressful!

Replacing the wife calculations are not easy because it depends on what level of cover you need, what your job is, and how old the kids are.

Do you get home at 6pm, share the cooking and the housework anyway for school age kids? In that case you’re looking at some after school care, maybe a cleaner and some part time bits and bobs. Not so much

But if your job requires you to be out of the country on a few hours notice, or offshore for weeks, or deployed away, then you’re effectively looking at double nanny cover plus a cleaner/household help. How much is that in London? Probably a fair whack.

That’s a different calculation as well to the opportunity cost of a woman not working when she’s previously had a good job.

Either way, no one needs to feel sorry for a sahm or a working mum who has chosen that path. Perhaps instead of flinging shit at each other we could work towards an environment where men and women have equal opportunity in the workforce, childcare is better quality and more accessible and flexible working more available. To give all parents more choice?

Facebook Full Time Mummys that live off tax credits?

Well, the thread was about wives appropriating their husband's achievements - but Yes! let's add a benefit bashing element too. That's what's missing from this thread

This thread has only covered SAHMs with rich husbands. I don’t consider my dh rich and me not. I did earn last tax year because I did up a house. Not every year though.

Facebook Full Time Mummys that live off tax credits

How very unpleasant.

. My DH would need live in help. And that would cost quite a bit.
And of course part of the perks of living in, is accomodation...

This thread has only covered SAHMs with rich husbands - what about the Facebook Full Time Mummys that live off tax credits?

I'm a sahm and fit neither of these stereotypes!

The point though that a Sah value ID much higher than you quoted.
If I wasn't there yes dh would have to do night wakings. But he has never had to worry about this.
He would also have to taxi Dd1 to her varies activities but he doesn't need to as I am there to do it.
He would have to cook more
He would probably also outsource laundry.
So on a personal level my value to him is much higher than quoted.

people will naturally assume that you have a high earning partner because you need to in order to be a stay at home parent.

Thats not necessarily the case in women my age (late 40's) but i think it can be the case with younger women as everything is so expensive

@stealthpolarbear - that was a joke. Of course she would be fine.
The sarcasm was aimed at the op, who because of her own unhappy marriage, has assumed that this must mean that all sahps are unhappy and unfulfilled.

Reminds me of that credit card advertisement of yesteryear.....

Full time nursery for 3 year old - £550 a month (includes 30 hours free)
Nanny 2 evenings a week - £200 a month.
Night nanny - £0 (covered by working parents)
Childcare costs for secondary school child - £0.
Cleaner and ironing service - £200 a month.
Getting shopping delivered - approx a month £10.
Laundry £0 (covered by working parents)
Cooking dinner £0 (covered by working parents).
Cooking meals at weekends £0 (covered by working parents).
Interim cleaning and tidying £0 (covered by working parents).
Taxiing children (outside that done by nanny) £0 (covered by working parents).
=£960 (less deduction for it being your own children if applicable)

Knowing your children are cared for 24/7 by someone who loves them as much as you do? Priceless.