to find it sad that women talk about their DH’a achievements like they are their own

[Curiositykilledthecat113]

On all these “how much do you earn” threads I find it sad to see so many women who gave up careers of a lot of money to be a SAHM and talk proudly about their DH’s income as if it’s their achievement. I wonder why it’s always the woman who cares for the children and how so many woman can decide to give up work leaving them in such a vulnerable position if the husband leaves them.

I dont measure my self worth by my job or husband or children

Id be fucked if i did that

I'm afraid one of the regrets I have is that my career never really got going. It is what I thought about when I was really ill. So I think it's possible to imagine regretting not working more.

I think it's perfectly possible to be very satisfied in some areas of life but not all. I'm not sure that having children and the absolute pleasure I get from being with them actually fully compensates for lack of career achievement but I do try and look for the upside of things. I think lots of people do. Make the best of the hand you are given.

stealth I thought you would host the after party & he would be there. ☹️

Whenever someone asks me what i do i always say

As little as possible

It amuses me at any rate...

Where that is like two people who have never met

Cmon, you should have at least have said you shagged him,,,and that is how she knows you, would have been the derail of the century

OK then, so that all women are not 'financially vulnerable' after having children, what do you people going on about this actually suggest? That every single woman who is a mother carries on working full time?

No matter how much her kids need her, no matter how inconvenient it is, (for school hols, plays, sports days, sickness, illness, hospital, doctors, and dentists appointments for the kids,) and no matter that they are no better off because of having to pay nannies/childminders etc; she should just keep working so she is not 'financially vulnerable' if she and her husband split?

And every woman who carries on working after she has children, will be absolutely financially solid and solvent after the divorce, and will have 100% financial security, and will not be in the least bit 'financially vulnerable?'

Don't talk such shit. The vast majority of women before children AND after, are not very high earners, despite the claims on mumsnet that are made every day from some people (that they earn six figures and have a top rated professional job.) So even if they carry on working, they will often be in as much of a shaky financial position if they get divorced, than they would have if they had been a SAHM.

Anyone who claims any different is deluded.

I dont measure my self worth by my job or husband or children .Id be fucked if i did that

My husband speaks just as fondly of my achievements as I speak of his.

Haven't rtft but presume this has been said in some form a few times.

Apparently

And ive told this story on many threads

Tom hardy was in my local last summer (might have been the one before...i was on holiday at any rate)

A freind of mine went up in her pjs but he had already left

And also apparently, his ex lives in the next village

Who is tom hardy?

Sunandmoonshine, of course that isn't true

You posting loads of tom hardy pictures will completely derail the thread

Rufus

I doubt it. This is a train that is has sturdy bull bars on the front and will plough through those Tom Hardy pictures like a hot knife through butter.

They won't be no leaves on the line I can tell you.

I wonder if Tom Hardy's gf claims his acting successes as her own

rufus a friend has seen him & she still has a drooling problem 2 months on.

On the earnings thread poor talkingpeace keeps popping up to tell everyone that the median wage in the uk is about 26k and that anything over about 50k for a single person is in the top 5%

Something like that

I may have made those figures up

*Today 23:20 Headofthehive55

Who is tom hardy?*

Post of the thread! 😂

alittle

Thats a fair point

I think you’ll find people do care about what folk do.we care consciously & unconsciously

Because we attribute social worth,cachet and status to what prop,e tell us they do
It’s why these threads are fraught.because people care

Does Tom Hardy's wife work full time ?
Or is it ok to be a SAHM if you bagged yourself a Hollywood sex symbol?

alittle correct, I did post a very lovely pic & it's been bulldozed.

whoop

A freind of mine hadnt watched anything with tom hardy in . Then she watched taboo and was quite taken with him

So i said 'see told you, shame he is such a baddie in this one'

And she said no he is the goodie

Nooo he is the baddest thing in the whole programme...but she wasnt paying any attention to the plot

I don't think he's that fit.

Probably wouldn't kick him out, but my dh is better and he earns more, ergo I'm better.

Dh quit a management job as he was on 28k at 30 to be a sahd. That is a pittance to keep a large family. He did think about working full time and doing the whole childcare thing, but we are much better off with me working and there is someone to do all the home stuff for me.

A lot of jobs pay a pittance and It's a disgrace. I didn't think dh should put up with it.

Sunandmoonshine I can only assume you are either drunk or flying high, no one said that.

A un married poster said she didn’t understand why she was financially vulnerabe. I explained it was because whena a relationship ends if a woman hasn’t worked for an extended period then it can be hard To get back into the workplace and sustain herself and child maintenance would not cover her costs. No one said rhe shite you’ve just posted.

Chill.

*I’m annoyed at SAHMs! And I was one for years.

It teaches girls/young women that it is a viable ok choice when in reality over half of all marriages breakdown. If you are a SAHM without “legacy’s” you end up shafted in that respect. Xenia for all her faults spoke brilliantly about this. We should not be teaching our daughters that it is a wise or safe move to remove themselves long term from employment. Hunsbands leave. Marriages breakdown. And SAHMs are overwhelmingly left with the shit end of the financial stick.*

I just want to second what you said here. Statically women who are SAHM are financially and socially more vulnerable than their working (male) partners. The one thing my parents always drilled into my head was that I should never be financially dependent on anyone and I am so glad I listened, because I couldn't stand not making my own money and having a gap in my resume.

A lot of posters on this thread are pretending that they have no regrets, which is bullshit because we all do, even if it is so much as not bringing a coat when we end up stuck in the pouring rain.

We are also, to a lesser or greater extent, all financially vulnerable, because any of us could lose our jobs of become unable to work at any time.

Further more, when it comes down to giving one partner more time and flexibility to yield to unreasonable demands of employers or else, 9 out of 10 times it will be a woman staying home in straight relationships. Why? A woman will usually be earning less and have less opportunity for career growth, plus there are still social pressures for women to "spend more time with their kids," "not miss out on important years," etc. Which is just code for "raising children and keeping house is a woman's primary role in the family."

People who pretend otherwise are just deluding themselves and the angry comments in this thread just prove that this is a sore spot.

Because we attribute social worth,cachet and status to what prop,e tell us they do
It’s why these threads are fraught.because people care

Which brings us nicely back to the start of the thread. It's precisely why SOME (only some) women brag about being married to a surgeon/CEO/high status job as if it's their own achievement because

1. it's socially perceived to be a thing of high status. and
2. it's something they think gives them status too - which for someone feeling insecure about their life choices is a bolstering thing. "Look I pulled the high earning man aren't I clever"

We've gone full circle. Can we stop now?