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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grabby friend

139 replies

Trueheart1 · 21/10/2017 07:49

I have a friend who always asks if she can have things when she comes to my house. I am quite spoilt by relatives and I am often given stacks of kids stuff and pampering things. When my friend is over and sees some new stuff, she will have a dig through and ask if she can keep the best things. I let her have some things but I feel really irritated by her behaviour and think she is being rude. She also looks through my cupboards and fridge and finds the nicest stuff and pulls it out and says we should have this stuff for lunch, it looks lovely. She was never like this before she had kids and I am aware that she is now not as well off as me. AIBU to not want her to come round anymore?

OP posts:
BulletFox · 21/10/2017 07:51

That sounds really irritating! Set boundaries with her. Do you actually go round to hers?

WhatwouldAryado · 21/10/2017 07:53

It sounds like you have very poor boundaries with this friend. Why is she going through cupboards etc. There is no way I'd allow that.
If she is really persistent then perhaps meeting at hers or somewhere neutral would be better.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/10/2017 08:00

Tell her “ No, you can’t have that , it’s mine and stop going through my stuff”.

If she gets huffy , so what?

Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself.

Petalflowers · 21/10/2017 08:10

Very rude. Just say ‘No’.

Brightredpencil · 21/10/2017 08:14

Definitely a CF. Not a friend. And also frankly very very weird. Meet in a coffee shop in future and buy your own drinks.

SecretSmellies · 21/10/2017 08:16

What a strange thing for your friend to do, and how strange of you to let her!!!! Stand up for yourself she is being a total CF!!!!! She has no right to your stuff.

Don't meet her at yours if you feel unable to tell her not to.

amys14 · 21/10/2017 08:22

Gosh! I'm sorry but she sounds awful! It's strange that she's only started this since having children. You'll maybe need to let her know how uncomfortable it's making you so she knows to stop! Good luck I know it's hard saying these things to friends.

MinervaSaidThar · 21/10/2017 08:23

YANBU. Very rude behaviour.

Appuskidu · 21/10/2017 08:25

What a rude person-why are you letting her in your cupboards?! I would so-'oi, out of my cupboards, nosey!'

Put away stuff you've been given or meet at her house/out.

Pollydonia · 21/10/2017 08:27

Haha, I had one of those ( please notice the past tense).
Mine would ask then pout if told no.
Then she started stealing just taking what she fancied, mainly cosmetics ( dh could buy at a good discount from work).
She also lied incessant and was a proper CF.
I distanced myself from her years ago.

ToesInWater · 21/10/2017 08:29

YANBU, that would drive me nuts. Meet at a neutral place (preferably) or if you think that would be an issue for her financially set some boundaries if she comes over. Don’t let her go through your stuff, “no, I have already planned what we are having for lunch” and “no, I’m sorry but you can’t have that” said politely are perfectly reasonable sentences!

Fishface77 · 21/10/2017 08:33

Don't let her back In your house and if she asks why tell her!

Say your rude and grabby and this is the only way to maintain our friendship.

Cheeky fucker.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 21/10/2017 08:33

I do understand that I am being a bit of a doormat but I do often say no to her. I just find it very uncomfortable to constantly say no, I do not understand why she thinks it is ok.
We meet at mine as I have a big play room and she often says she is too strapped for cash to go to a play centre and if it is raining I don't want to go to a park.

OP posts:
LML83 · 21/10/2017 08:34

If there are also good points about this friend then say no more often and ask her to stop going through the cupboards. Or meet her outside good your house.

If she is just annoying then I wouldn't see her anymore.

Fishface77 · 21/10/2017 08:35

I would just be busy all the time.

ShizeItsWeegie · 21/10/2017 08:35

Put an enormous dildo in all the drawers and cupboards Grin

Petalflowers · 21/10/2017 08:38

If she is cash-strapped, then it’s nice to offer her lunch. However, you should be offering, not her taking. Maybe have some sandwiches (or something) prepared before she arrives, so if she starts looking, you can airily say, ‘I,ve prepared launch’ already.

WomblingThree · 21/10/2017 08:39

Why on earth would someone come in your house and go through your cupboards? Just tell her not to ffs.

Or are you leaving all your new stuff out so you can show off?

3luckystars · 21/10/2017 08:39

Move away.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 21/10/2017 08:41

Hahaha people are weird. Stop inviting her round problem solved.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 21/10/2017 08:45

I will invite her for a play date and offer her lunch. I just think it is rude that she thinks she can go through my food and choose what she has.
Sometimes the stuff is by the front door, sometimes it is away. Last week, she came back from a trip to the loo with a load of baby clothes. She said she had seen them in the spare room on her way back from the loo.

OP posts:
MuseumOfCurry · 21/10/2017 08:46

How incredibly bizarre.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/10/2017 08:49

Personally, I wouldn't bother having her round, why bother, you know her pattern of thought.
Why not visit her house, give her an over exaggerated taste of her own , she might get the message, but might not !
She is indeed a very CF.

userinterface34 · 21/10/2017 08:51

Go to hers. Do the same.

eddielizzard · 21/10/2017 08:51

awful behaviour. i would stop having her around or hide the stuff. extraordinary.