Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grabby friend

139 replies

Trueheart1 · 21/10/2017 07:49

I have a friend who always asks if she can have things when she comes to my house. I am quite spoilt by relatives and I am often given stacks of kids stuff and pampering things. When my friend is over and sees some new stuff, she will have a dig through and ask if she can keep the best things. I let her have some things but I feel really irritated by her behaviour and think she is being rude. She also looks through my cupboards and fridge and finds the nicest stuff and pulls it out and says we should have this stuff for lunch, it looks lovely. She was never like this before she had kids and I am aware that she is now not as well off as me. AIBU to not want her to come round anymore?

OP posts:
MuseumOfCurry · 21/10/2017 08:52

Unless there's some unknown backstory, which I presume there is not, this is incredibly weird behaviour.

HaHaHmm · 21/10/2017 08:53

I just think it is rude that she thinks she can go through my food and choose what she has.

She only thinks that because you let her.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 21/10/2017 08:53

What did you say about the baby clothes? Shock

Not that my friends would ever do this but I know I could say "you are going to need to stop going through my things if you want us to stay friends" and just move on, if they did it again then I would straight up say "look I've told you this already I really do not like how you overstep in my home do from now on it's park or play centres only because I am just not having this"

karategirl · 21/10/2017 08:53

You need to just be honest with her. Next time you see her, just say calmy and clearly (and preferably before she does it again) "I've been meaning to say for a while, I dislike it when you go through my drawers/cupboards/bags etc and pick out things you would like. It's great that you feel comfortable in my home, but I find it intrusive, and you never used to do it. Could you please stop?"

If she gets shirty with you, then it begs the question why you're friends in the first place?

ButchyRestingFace · 21/10/2017 08:54

She also looks through my cupboards and fridge and finds the nicest stuff and pulls it out and says we should have this stuff for lunch, it looks lovely

LMAO.

FUCKOFF is one word.

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 21/10/2017 08:54

Unbelievable. Literally.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/10/2017 08:57

OP, if you act like a doormat, your 'friend' will continue to stamp all over you. I doubt she is strapped for cash, just making good use of you, because you are a generous and lovely person.
It matters not, that you are financially better off, nor that you have a playroom. Meet for coffee and cake, take a walk in the park, anything, but stop being her entertainment. Have it out with her once and for all, or even better, drop her like a hot potato.
Friends do not act, as she is doing.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 21/10/2017 08:57

I think I am giving her mixed messages as I do sometimes let her have the stuff. Maybe if I consistently say no she will stop.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/10/2017 09:00

Stand up for yourself, say no sorry I am using that or I need it. That type of rudeness really gets my back up!

BlondeB83 · 21/10/2017 09:01

Start saying no, all the time.

Ninabean17 · 21/10/2017 09:01

Have you tried telling her NOT to go through your stuff? There's no point just saying no you can't have it if she's still going through it all

Aeroflotgirl · 21/10/2017 09:02

Don't give her things because she asked, you give her only if you want to. Keep saying no. It's extremely rude what she's doing, I have a friend exactly the same, I have to keep saying no. She does not come round much nowadays.

Chestervase1 · 21/10/2017 09:03

I don’t like the sound of this, don’t let her in your home. I feel that she is not your friend.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/10/2017 09:03

Barring that, don't have her round, meet outside in a neutral location.

LexieLulu · 21/10/2017 09:03

Close all upstairs room doors bar toilet.

Have lunch prepared before she comes round.

When she goes through cupboards tell her to stop as lunch is already prepared "and I don't like you nosing through my stuff, what if I've got something private in there?"

Nocabbageinmyeye · 21/10/2017 09:03

Maybe if you say no consistently? Look, people like this continue because people like you let them. As a pp said if you continue to act like a doormat she will continue to treat you like one.

Next time she opens a press:
"Please stop going through my presses, it's nice you feel comfortable but this is my home and I don't like it"

Can I have this:
"No"

How about this:
"I am not sure if you realise how often you ask for things but from now on the answer will be no to everything"

If she doesn't like this then I think you need to realise that she is your friend for your food, playroom and things and not for you at all

legitdoc · 21/10/2017 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WelshMumof1 · 21/10/2017 09:12

If someone started going through my stuff I'd ask them politely not to! If they kept doing it I wouldn't be inviting them around again... set your boundaries, or distance yourself from her if you don't think she'll respect them.

"Can I have these baby clothes?"
"No, those are mine. Please put them back and stop going through my things."

Shoxfordian · 21/10/2017 09:13

Wow

She has a really nice deal; helping herself to your fridge and anything else she likes

You need to learn the word No and practise using it

flumpybear · 21/10/2017 09:17

She’s a CFF! I wouldn’t dream of doing that even in my best friends house who is more like a sister to me, not even rooting around for food, she says what’s on offer if she’s hosting, and vice versa - tell her the food is for dinners that week and you’re making xyz for lunch
Regarding clothes etc., just tell her you’ll sort some old things, or get s bag of old stuff you don’t mind her or a charity shop having don’t let her go through your stuff

zen1 · 21/10/2017 09:21

I would find that really irritating and would be explicitly telling her to stop and that her behaviour is not acceptable. To be honest, I would stop having her round at all - she sounds like she’s only ‘friends’ with you for what she can get out of you.

Yvetteballs · 21/10/2017 09:22

Move on from her. She sounds appalling. Start gradually making excuses that you aren't available.

Thinkingofausername1 · 21/10/2017 09:25

I think that’s very rude. I would stop inviting someone like that round.
it seems she could be using you and be aware of where you keep your purse when she is around!!!

Nazdarovye · 21/10/2017 09:26

Do what userinterface34 advised. Go to hers do the same. Let's see how she likes it.

scootinFun · 21/10/2017 09:26

That’s shocking! You need to have it out with her though