Grabby friend

[Trueheart1]

I have a friend who always asks if she can have things when she comes to my house. I am quite spoilt by relatives and I am often given stacks of kids stuff and pampering things. When my friend is over and sees some new stuff, she will have a dig through and ask if she can keep the best things. I let her have some things but I feel really irritated by her behaviour and think she is being rude. She also looks through my cupboards and fridge and finds the nicest stuff and pulls it out and says we should have this stuff for lunch, it looks lovely. She was never like this before she had kids and I am aware that she is now not as well off as me. AIBU to not want her to come round anymore?

Stop inviting her round, and tell her why.

WTAF?? Even my daughter doesn't do this in my house! (She's 23)
I would rethink that friendship immediately! You have a rogue C.F. Someone obviously has left the gates to C.F. land open again and one has strayed into your house!
If you want to save this friendship you have to challenge this behaviour head on. Set boundaries. (Although I can't imagine maintaining a relationship with someone with whom I need boundaries in my own home, She's not a child!) If you can't do that, meet out with your home.
Regardless of the fact you are doing better in life than her does NOT give her the right to take or demand your belongings! If that was the case we could all go into John Lewis and relieve them of any of their NAICE goods just because we didn't have them and they appeared to have lots/too many!! Ffs 😩

She has the manners of an alley cat and is relying on you not being assertive enough to tell her how you really feel. If you feel unable to have it out with her I'd categorically refuse to have her in my home again and only ever meet her in neutral territory. Her rudeness is astounding!

She might be struggling. She might just be one of those people who never let an opportunity go to waste.

I have two good friends from university. Both earn significantly less than me. One takes it for granted that I'll buy her drinks/get an extra round in etc. The other, absolutely scrupulously, wants to split everything absolutely fairly, and will always incline towards the cheapest things. (For example we stay at each others houses, and if I nip to the shops, she'll try to suggest we get the cheapest food, and split the bill to the last penny - I am perfectly happy to pay for it all as the host and just buy the nicer cheese!)

It's not your fault, but you've helped nurture the CF side of her.

Just say NO!
I've bought that for dinner tonight
I'm going to sell it on eBay, but you can have it for £10 if you want...

I'm having difficulty imagining the first time she did that, and why you didn't call her out on it at the time.

If a friend came round to my house, and I hadn't specifically asked her to have a look in a bag/pile/cupboard/fridge, I'd have been puzzled and said "What are you doing? Why are you going in my xyz? Don't do that."

I just can't imagine just sitting there, not saying anything.

Just tell her to stop it, and close the bedroom doors.

Write notices on card saying, "Keep out of this room. Everything in it is MINE!".
Rig them up on string on the (closed) doors so they they fall down and hit friend in the face when she opens the door.

She's a cheeky fucker!
Becoming a SAHM doesn't mean you lose brain cells - she knows she's taking liberties.
You're so passive though and she knows you well enough to know how to 'work' on you.

I doubt very much she's that hard up......
She's taking your generosity for granted and her attitude is one of entitlement - 'i want this & i will have it'
Who the hell goes rooting in their mate's rooms/bags without any discussion?
Taking things like it's her decision to make?

Does she think it's your 'duty' to subsidize her family because they're only on one income??
What if you want to sell them? I know CashForClothes pay by the weight, even if it's not a lot it all adds up over time.
Even if you don't need the money, it's extra to towards dc saving/treats etc

Draw the line between 'helping/doing a favour' and being taken for a mug.
YOU decide what happens to things in your house...
Ask her to bring a dish/something to go with the lunch you put on whenever she comes round.

I think you just haven't seen this grabby/rude side to her before but it was always there.
What was she like before regards 'your stuff'?
Does she help you out with childcare etc?

Heebiejeebies we babysit for each other. It is fairly equal.

Shocker's response is the best one.

That's what I'd do 😃 (otherwise, much like a character in: Law & Order, Castle, CSI, NCIS, etc.) you will never be rid of her!!!

i have a very goo friend been friends since 16 i'm now 62 i wouldn't dream of going through her things cupboards or fridge

Difficult when you are being put on the back foot by such breathtaking cheek. Next time she asks whether she can have something, it might be wise to take the same attitude as her and say "No, you can't have it, and frankly if you carry on treating my home like your personal convenience store, this friendship will be at an end"

Have you had chance to speak to your friend, OP?

As you've been friends so long I would just ask to to please not go through your stuff.
And yes, just say I've already planned lunch and it's ...