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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that an 11 year old doesn't need..

213 replies

Misspollyhadadollie · 20/10/2017 11:31

A baby sitter? (During the day)

OP posts:
Natsku · 20/10/2017 15:08

It might very well be classed as neglect in the UK but it's not against the law as there is no legal age limit. I certainly wouldn't advise anyone in the UK to do the same as me (and am glad I live in a country where it's not considered neglect unless of course there are additional needs or suchlike)

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 20/10/2017 15:16

6 and 11 are not even comparable I said once a child is old enough to leave the house and go to school alone they can stay home alone. I never said I leave my 6 year old.

OP posts:
strugglingtodomybest · 20/10/2017 15:17

FFS Little, try reading what people write instead of making up stuff to froth about!

crazychemist · 20/10/2017 15:33

I'm with those people saying it is probably sAfe, but certainly not ideal. I'd feel very sorry for an 11yo left alone for a whole day. In all likelihood, they'll spend an unhealthy amount of time watching TV, playing computer games and being on social media.
Surely it would be better to arrange for the child to visit friends on that day? I'm pretty sure the parents of the other child would be very happy to have theirs distracted for a bit. My mum worked school terms only and I used to love the number of friends who came to visit during the holidays. I'm a teacher and hope I end up with a houseful once my DD is school age :-)

Oblomov17 · 20/10/2017 16:25

“Emotional neglect and shitty parent”?
I beg to differ.
I don’t think that meets the criteria for emotional neglect. At all.

And Diego said that most posters are disagreeing with OP. No. I disagree with that aswell!!

Madmama10 · 20/10/2017 20:10

How things change. I was looking after other children at 12 on an evening but maybe I'm the exception as I was very responsible and knew first aid and how contact people if necessary and my parents weren't far away. It really depends on the child and if they have a responsible friend they can hang out with.

Jux · 20/10/2017 20:44

My ssiblings and I were left alo in the 'care' of my eldest bro, from qhen he was about 12, which means we were 10, 8, and so on downwards. This was in the 60s and we tended to go to the park, the river, the shops. Sometimes we'd get a bus to mum's workplace (hospital) an help out with filing, eeding patients, chatting to the elderly with no visitors, running errands for anyone who could make use of us. I've even mopped a floor there!

My dd could be trusted to be alone for hours when whe was 10 or 12, though we had no need to do so.

If a child is mature, responsibl sensible, thenno need for a babysitter.

LemonysSnicket · 20/10/2017 23:54

What if they get hungry and try to cook? Can they responsibly use the hob? What if they hurt themselves?

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 21/10/2017 00:03

I would leave meals that just needed heating in the microwave, surely most regular11 year olds could be trusted to use a microwave.

OP posts:
ukelelebanana · 21/10/2017 00:05

I burnt my hand badly using a microwave recently and I'm 43.

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 21/10/2017 00:24

Well then maybe no one should use a microwave incase they hurt themselves... Confused

OP posts:
ukelelebanana · 21/10/2017 00:27

No, just young children who you leave alone all day Hmm

11? You'd be in trouble if someone reported you.

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 21/10/2017 00:41

No you wouldn't lol as has already been said ss wouldn't give a hoot about a happy healthy well cared for 11 year old left home alone during the day

OP posts:
Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 21/10/2017 00:45

My neighbours year 7 daughter is always alone after school. She was locked out once and asked for my help as her parents weren't around. Unfortunately I was on the way to pick up my kids so couldn't do anything but no one has reported them as it's a total non issue.

OP posts:
Sillysausage123 · 21/10/2017 09:49

Ukulele in my post further down people are being sanctioned by the jobcentre who turn down work placements if they have a child age 11 and don't want to leave them all day at home on their own.

This happened to my friend and she has been sanctioned for 3 months, she is appealing but currently has no income because the jobcentre decides when a child is able to stay unattended and it's apparently once a child starts secondary then it's not a reasonable excuse to say you can't leave your child all day at home alone.

Ecureuil · 21/10/2017 10:02

The thing is, I don’t think ‘would social services be interested?’ is necessarily a good measure for whether you do something or not. There are many things social services wouldn’t be interested in (spending all day on computers/in front of the TV, feeling a child nothing but junk food etc) that I don’t consider to be good parenting.

gingercat02 · 21/10/2017 10:13

I'm actually really concerned about this as ds is 9 and his holiday club only take them to 11. Some of the sports camps go older but although he loves sport he isn't very talented. He's an only so has no sibs for company. Not really sure what we do then. He usually only goes for a couple of weeks over the year but still.......

Temporaryanonymity · 21/10/2017 10:16

My 11 year old is in year 6 and walks home from school and is alone until i get back. He won't go to after school club now (his younger brother does) and if he was just a few weeks older he would be in senior school.

I can say wholeheartedly it has been good for his self confidence. He even thought to get on a bus last week instead of walking because he had forgotten his coat. I found him at the bus stop though but was impressed with his initiative.

I am a lone parent and work full time. I havent left him all day yet but I can't see an issue with it. But as I have no pressing reason to do it I haven't.

Morello444 · 21/10/2017 10:46

I wouldn't even leave my 13 yr old at home on his own for more than an hour, when he's ill he can stay home when i take my others to school usually cuz he's just sleeping anyway, but any longer than that no way - I'll reconsider when he's 14/15

Oblomov17 · 21/10/2017 11:18

Year 7 children do cooking at school, here. When Ds1 was in year 7 he made all sorts of things, bread, cheese scones, meals: spaghetti and meatballs.

They can iron a shirt, let them self in to their own houses.

Most of the year 7’s here walk to school, ride bikes and catch the train to school.

Many of them, They meet up at weekends and play football etc.

Did any of you read my earlier post where I said at half term, many of the boys are in and out, all day playing with each other and hardly ever home?

I consider that independent and also healthy friendships.

I am shocked at the Previous poster not letting a 13-year-old stay at home for more than a couple of hours!! ShockShock

Oblomov17 · 21/10/2017 11:19

But that is now ‘bad parenting’? Really?

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 21/10/2017 11:22

Was thinkig the same about the 13 year old. I would seriously have to question my child if I couldn't leave them alone for more than an hour at 13!

OP posts:
TheLegendOfBeans · 21/10/2017 11:24

What's the point of this thread @misspollyhadadollie ?

Cos you're giving feck all info

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 21/10/2017 11:27

Just wondering what others do :)

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 21/10/2017 11:29

I have an 11 year old.

I wouldn't leave her alone, purely because she wouldn't want to be left alone. She's not even happy to stay in the car whilst I go into a shop. I know that that is an unusual level of anxiety though, and I am working on addressing that.