To think that an 11 year old doesn't need..

[Misspollyhadadollie]

A baby sitter? (During the day)

My son is 12 now but we started leaving him for full days once he was 11 (almost 12). By then he was already coming home from school on his own since starting secondary, a couple of hours before we got in - his choice as he can stay on school premises until 6pm but he preferred to come home.
The holiday thing didn't arise for a while as we went on a family holiday October half term. Christmas we both took some time off and took turns to work from home a couple of days either end.
Feb half term I found a holiday club. The only one in the whole town that would take secondary age children (up to 14 as well as primary age). He still had to get the bus there on his own as it was 9.30-3.30 only. Whilst he said it was good he was adamant he didn't want to go again as he was the only secondary age kid there.
So Easter hols (and ever since) he's been home alone although we work at home more than usual and also encourage him to go out somewhere everyday. He has a bus pass and a free swimming pass so he sometimes goes swimming, pops into town, meets friends, goes to a session at his gymnastics club once a week, gets a haircut, takes my ebay parcels to the post office, gets himself kitted out with any extra uniform/school stuff etc (we transfer money into his account for such things in addition to pocket money obviously). Plus we have a nanny two evenings a week who brings toddler back from nursery - so he has company from 4pm then although she doesn't "look after" him.

If he was unhappy and hated it I'd be happy to send him to the holiday club but it does depend on the child and I agree with those who say it's good to start developing some life skills and independence. He cooks stuff like eggs and bacon and oven pizza - I don't see what's wrong with that.

We have both worked full time since he was a baby and it would seem bonkers to give up now he's secondary school age! Neither is there enough annual leave to cover 14(?) weeks of holidays and inset days. There is so little childcare provision for his age group - literally one club and no childminders that will take kids over 12. And then the one club had NO other secondary age children. All I can draw from that is that society must find it acceptable to leave children of that age alone.

I notice the nspcc seemed to have lightened up with their advice, didnt it used to 14?
It is still ridiculously cautious , at 11 they start secondary school and are usually expected to make their way by public transport, but cant be left alone in the house, doesnt make sense.

Yabu. An hour or two tops.

bruffin

It has always been twelve years old for as long as I have been checking it out, so not sure when or if changed, but it was a very long time ago.

Travelling to school by bus with other children, the driver and other people is very different from being in a house all day on your own. There are a number of people that could help a child if they were hurt or injured on the way to or back from school, this is potentially not the case in a house all day long.

I would always mention that it is the emotional aspect of being all alone for such extended periods. Some parents are suggesting that they will just be on snapchat or the internet all day, that in itself is a danger with absolutely no supervision.

Where I live childcare isn't really available during school holidays for children over 6 (bigger towns and cities have supervised playgrounds and sometimes holiday clubs but not elsewhere) so if you don't have grandparents to help out you work reduced hours when they're 7/8 maybe 9 so they're not home alone all day but not at 11 years old.

Fair enough I take the opinions on board however I still will be leaving my children at 11.

And haha to me being the 11 year old last time I checked 11 year olds talkd lyk dis

Mine were 13 when i first Left them alone all day while I was at work, at 11 it would’ve been for an hour to take the other to the Drs or whatever and only if they were happy, or they’d come with. If I had to work they would go to a friend’s house for the day.
I stopped evening sitters when they were 12 and nearly 14 to stay in together, to go relatively locally. Haven’t left dS (13.5) at night yet on his own. He would prob be ok for a couple of hours if we were local.

So what was the point asking misspolly?? Just so you can torture yourself with guilt.

Look they are too young to be left all day, you know that, most of us know that..it is your choice buddy, but you know the risks.

I suggest you spend some time going through how to care for themselves in an emergency, and make sure your parental controls are up to date on your computer and TV etc.

My son is 11 and in year 6. He doesn't like being left in the house on his own, even for an hour after school. My daughter was fine being home for a couple of hours, at the same age. Children are different, as parents we do our best to make choices that mean they feel safe.

We've talked to our son about why he doesn't want to be in the house on his own (he is fine walking to his friend's house and school by himself). He said that he worries about burglars and what to do if someone comes to the door. I don't want him to never feel safe when by himself, so we have talked to him about his fears and what to do if something happened, but in the meantime, make sure that either my 15 year old daughter or I are here when he gets home from school.

Yes its still very young to be left alone for more than 1 hour, let alone say 6 hours, which are the length of some shifts.

Each to their own.

I don't suppose you have even asked them if they are comfortable to be left for that period of time. Poor kids.

My youngest oldest is 6 so haven't asked them no. They might not be comfortable going to school alone at that age but they will have no choice. What would your suggestion be to that if they were??

You teach children to be comfortable and confident on their own by starting young with short lengths of time - first 5 mins while you go to the postbox, then 15/20 while you go to the corner shop and then an hour or so after they've been used to those short periods so by the time they're 11 they'll be fine.

Personally I will be doing that any way. As a single parent to 4 with no help I can't wait till their old enough to be left alone lol

So, misspolly - you haven’t got an 11 yr old so have no
Idea of their capabilities or what your child will be like when they’re 11. Some kids are too anxious too be left, or just not mature enough.
Re going to school alone - some did at 11 - depends where they lived in proximity to school. Or there’s breakfast club - that’s the alternative suggestion.

I can't understand what it is your writing. Your youngest or eldest is age six? You are joking. What do you mean they might not be comfortable going to school on their own at that age?

In the circumstances you describe it would be 2 weeks, all day, everyday for the holidays. I actually think that’s very unfair for the child, I’d go mad if I were stuck in like that with no company.
One day in an emergency one off if I could pop Home at lunchtime then maybe but not their whole holidays.

Sorry yougest is 5 months oldest is 6... I'm saying the same way they might not be comfortable being left home alone at 11 they might not be comfortable going to school alone either but they will have no choice

misspolly you are either winding us up or you really are leaving a six year old as the youngest of four children I am not sure.

This is completely against the law and someone will report you.

Single mother or not, this will not excuse you for child negligence. I can not believe you are considering leaving a six year old under any circumstances for any length of time. Please reconsider. You could get into very serious trouble.

I think you are wasting our time as clearly you are not leaving your babies and children all under six for any length of time for a very very long time (one would hope)

I think op means they will be left when they’re 11, although her writing style is a bit confusing.

What is the point of the post if her eldest child is six?? She is five YEARS away from a decision at the very earliest.

I read it as from age 11 too. i.e. once at secondary and too old for breakfast/after school/holiday clubs that the younger children could still attend.

Er you can leave a 6 year old for a short time if they're ready, I leave mine, it's not outrageous, but OP is, as far as I can tell, not saying she is leaving her 6 year old.