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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that an 11 year old doesn't need..

213 replies

Misspollyhadadollie · 20/10/2017 11:31

A baby sitter? (During the day)

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 20/10/2017 11:51

By the time they've had a long lie and breakfast, washed and dressed, done all the chores you've left Wink , it'll be time for lunch and then if they sit watching movies or playing on computer all afternoon then it would be fine. As long as they are happy to be left and they have access to someone in an emergency and they are generally sensible and it's for one day then I probably would go for it.

DaisysStew · 20/10/2017 11:51

Depends on the kid. When I was 11 I could be left as I was very docile, I spent my time eating, reading and sleeping. My brother and sister on the other hand... DBro would've have the house full of his mates and my sis would've burnt the house down trying to recreate something she'd seen on Masterchef.

If you think that they're sensible, they know what to do in an emergency and aren't likely to get lonely/scared being on their own then go for it.

permatiredmum · 20/10/2017 11:52

There are too many variables to be able to give a definite yes or no.

AndrewJames · 20/10/2017 11:53

i wouldn't leave an 11 year old all day.

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 20/10/2017 11:54

I must live in another world as I said no kids play out round here (main road like I said) and even my nephew who is 12 (but lives on an estate) never plays out as he would rather play on his computer at home.

OP posts:
Garlicansapphire · 20/10/2017 11:54

Totally depends on the 11 year old. I would have left mine for a couple of hours and if necessary for a day - I wouldn't get a babysitter. But I wouldn't really feel great about a whole day. At that age my kids walked round to friends house etc on their own and I would have encouraged them to have a friend round or go to friends - just being sure to let me know where they were.

withlotsoflove · 20/10/2017 11:54

11 is too young for all day.
I left mine from 10 to go shopping etc... but l could always get back.
All day for an 11 year old ( when a parent is working )isn't very kind really!
After school for a couple of hours ( secondary school) sits better with me

Ellisandra · 20/10/2017 11:55

What you have to keep in mind, is what happens when things don't go to plan.

My 8yo is "well behaved" and would be a bit bored and lonely without me all day - but she'd cope.

She would understand not to open the door.
But I can't guarantee that if a delivery driver hammered repeatedly, she wouldn't either thing she should break the rule - or more likely, start to feel really upset that she didn't know what to do.

Of course 11 is older but it's the same question for me - could they cope if it all went pear shaped?

You sound very judgmental, I think you should wind your neck in - perfectly acceptable to get a babysitter for an 11yo.

JonSnowsWife · 20/10/2017 11:55

Depends on the child.

DD has to stay on her own for an hour each day after school as I'm doing the pickup with DS. She's 11. I'd probably let her all day as I know she's sensible enough, I wouldn't with DS though. (SNs)

DaisyRaine90 · 20/10/2017 11:56

I would have no issue leaving a responsible, happy 11 year old on their own for the day so long as there was someone available to go over in an absolute crisis and I was available on the mobile.

However, if it was an anxious child who might get scared or panic in an emergency, or an impulsive child who might get in to trouble, I would not leave them so readily as their needs would be different.

Is their a neighbour who might be able to keep an eye out for them? Or someone who could drop in like a friend or family member?
Could one of their friends come round and keep them company (the right friend obviously, not someone who would get freaked out or would cause trouble).

Tbh I think most 11 year olds would be happy to be left so long as they had food, iPad/computer, free reign of the TV etc.

In a quiet rural area where everyone knows each other I wouldn’t think twice, but in the middle of a busy city or on a rough council estate it would be a very different matter.

Also, how far away are you going OP? How long would it take you to get back? Would you be sober? Would you be available on the phone?

There are too many factors to say a hard no or yes. 😊

Lweji · 20/10/2017 11:56

Misspollyhadadollie

What is your experience of 11 and 12 year olds?

HamSandWitches · 20/10/2017 11:57

Depends on the child I think. DC1 was fine, DC3 is not 11 yet but I think they would be fine at 11, DC2 is older than 11 but I wouldn't leave them unless DC1 was also there

sweetheart · 20/10/2017 12:01

I'm going to go against the grain here as i leave my ds home during school holidays / inset days. He is at senior school and a sensible boy. We have a set of rules which work for us.....he must not answer the door, or phone and must not use the cooker etc. I usually call him mid morning (we have an answer phone so he can hear it is me), then i pop home at lunchtime to make him something to eat. And then call him again mid afternoon. If he goes out with friends he has to ring me and get permission, give me details of where he is going etc. My mother also lives a 2 min walk from me so he knows she is there in an emergency and he often pops to hers for a cup of tea and a chat.

Up until now he had been home with his older sister but she is no longer around during the holidays. He is too old to go to my mothers all the time - he would be bored stiff. He is also too old to be at a childminders surrounded by much younger children. I asked him if he would do holiday activity clubs but he didn't want to go to one alone.

Findingdotty · 20/10/2017 12:01

Depends on the definition of allday - whilst parent is working/out the house from 7.30am till 6.30pm then no, that's too long really. For a shorter period like 8.30am to 3 or 4pm that would be ok if it was a one off like an inset day. I don't think it's fair on the child if it was all summer holiday or even half term. It's isolating for them. I would split days. I would arrange a plan from about 12 noon with family or friends liking after them. It builds independence that way too.

mindutopia · 20/10/2017 12:02

I don't know what the legality is, but when I was 11, I definitely stayed at home alone all day during school holidays including all summer. My mum was a single parent, and she couldn't afford childcare for me (and really what sort of childcare is there for an 11 year old, holiday camps and things, which are expensive). We had no family who could help. I was absolutely fine. I pottered around the house, read books, watched tv, did the washing up, played in the garden, etc. I knew not to ever answer the door and I didn't go in the front garden and draw attention to the fact I was home (possibly by myself). But it really was fine. I was a very mature 11 year old though.

I remember definitely by the time I was 12 or 13, she went away on a few work trips (about 3 nights each) and I stayed home by myself. Now, not sure I would do that with mine, but it's a different world than it was back then. I was within walking distance to school. I took myself to school and walked back home again. I made my dinner, I went to bed at a reasonable hour, set my alarm, got myself up. All carried on as usual. No idea if that was technically legal or not, but realistically she had little other choice as we'd just moved to a new area and she would have had to take me out of school if I'd stayed with any friends or family who lived about 2 hours away.

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 20/10/2017 12:02

I don't have an 11 year old no but I will not hesitate to leave mine at that age! I was left alone at home from alot younger.

OP posts:
NHSparent · 20/10/2017 12:03

I wouldn't leave mine alone all day, sorry.

MonkeyJumping · 20/10/2017 12:03

Depends on the child, how safe the house is, what sort of area it is, whether there's a friendly neighbour the child could go to in an emergency etc etc. It's really not a blanket rule.

FWIW I was left home at that age while my parents worked and nearly burnt the place down trying to cook....

Evelynismyspyname · 20/10/2017 12:04

Most parents don't let 12 year olds play on their computers all day Misspolly

My 10 year old would (12 year old wouldn't) but he gets into a really bad mean mood. Kick him outside "for half an hour" and 4 hours later he's still outside playing football with neighbor kids, and comes in a really lovely person ...

IfNot · 20/10/2017 12:05

An hour or two yes. All day- no!
I wouldn't actually want my kid to be on games consoles all day. Which he would be. He would get nervous and lonely too. You don't need a "babysitter" but you do need some kind of supervision and company.
They don't just suddenly hit 10 and become as mature as an adult. It's a gradual process, and there is a vast difference between children the same age.
I think it's sad that your nephew, 12 sits on his games all day. That's no life.

NHSparent · 20/10/2017 12:05

But OP you haven't been there and so don't know. You're generalising from limited information about other people's children.

You have no idea whether yours will be responsible enough to be left alone at 11 or whether they will be anxious and worried or whether they will just find it lonely and upsetting or whether they will be inviting all their mates around and watching inappropriate stuff on the internet.

WeAllHaveWings · 20/10/2017 12:06

I work 30 miles/45 minutes from home and dh can be anywhere so we don't leave ds(13) alone as we are too far away if he needed help. If there is another parent around who is willing to be available if he needs help we will leave him.

He goes out to play with his friends they have bikes and play football and injuries are possible and have happened. If I worked around the corner it wouldn't be as much of an issue.

SemiNormal · 20/10/2017 12:07

I'd probably pop to the shops for an hour or two when my son is 11 but wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him all day. Even when I was gone for an hour or two I'd make sure I was easily contactable at all times ie avoiding areas where I have no signal for long periods of time, not at work where I'd be unable to answer right away etc

Lweji · 20/10/2017 12:08

I don't have an 11 year old no but I will not hesitate to leave mine at that age!

You simply don't know.

GhostsToMonsoon · 20/10/2017 12:08

It depends on the individual child. Some are more sensible than others, and some more happy with their own company than others. I'd expect most 11yos to be able to be left for a couple of hours, but all day might be a bit too long.

I was surprised when someone I know said she doesn't like her 13yo to get home from school to an empty house. I was home for a couple of hours after school by myself from the end of Y6 and it was fine.