To think this is stealing?

[Dontgiveaflyingfuck]

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

Ukele
I doubt ops dd told them they could. Op has said her dd is autistic and follows rules implicitly. She knows the sweets are not to be taken so would hardly tell them to climb up on ops bed take down a closed box and help themselves to her mums sweets.

Willow it seems some people either don’t read or if they disagree they automatically accuse the poster of lying.

You don't take something that isn't yours; nor do you help yourself to anything unless you have permission. That's it really.

Instead of being furious, why didn't you kindly explain to the children that they should have asked you first before taking them. You have really over reacted and not really helped them learn a life lesson.

They may have thought it was allowed, the dd may have told them they could.

I just asked my child the question using this scenario and one of his friends. He said he wouldn't take the sweets even if his friend said he could, as the mum hadn't said he could have any and its her sweets in her room. Glad my child has a decent moral compass anyway.

Mumma I’m sure the op said that she didn’t know they had taken anything until after they went home.

Omg that is a massive over reaction.

Quack seems to be happening an awful lot lately.😕

They were in a sealed container and not in clear sight.

What if that container held some sort of drug, I wonder would their mother laugh it off if her children had been ill or worse.

I’ve noticed... it’s a shame really.

Of course its not the end of the world, but when teaching children right from wrong you lead by example. It could be sweets, it could be something more expensive. Kids often dont differentiate.

It's pretty normal, though, to leave someone's house having eaten some food of the host's. It's not normal to leave someone's house with headphones, or a necklace, or a jumper. I think children are smart enough to understand that food is (normally) widely shared in a way that other things aren't.

There's not any need to draw any broader conclusions. I'd like to think my kids wouldn't take candy at someone's house without asking first, but I couldn't swear to it. They should have asked, they didn't, getting the other parents involved is a complete embarrassment.

Yeah. I'd be embarrassed if my kids took sweets without asking.

My 3 year old would (should) know not to do this, and if they did, then I would want to know about it, and they would certainly be in trouble.

Museum
Yes normally kids will be OFFERED food. They don't normally go into an adults bedroom climb on their bed take down a closed box from a shelf and help themselves though do they?

I think children are smart enough to understand that food is (normally) widely shared in a way that other things aren't.

Its not rocket science to understand food stashed in someones bedroom isn't intended for public consumption. If thats obvious to my 7 year old it should be reasonably obvious to a child thats older. Unless theyve been brought up to think thats ok to go onto someones personal space and take things from it. A 9 or 10 year old really should understand that.

Why is it an embarrassment to mention it to their Mum? Personally I wouldn’t if I caught the child but I may if I hadn’t, even just a little “your wee one took a sweet from a tub high up in my bedroom and I hadn’t realised until they had left, I’d rather they didn’t next time they are over.” Then leave it at that, but why shouldn’t the op have said anything? The child will then think its ok when in the Op’s House it actually isn’t. Taking aside what you do at home, this is someone else’s house with their own set of rules and to the Op this was wrong of the children and I don’t see why that shouldn’t be addressed.

stealing is a bit steep, rude yes. I would have waited until I next saw the kids then told them off and would not have approached their mother, however I have kids in and out of my house all the time and have no qualms about telling them off if need be and likewise I am happy and prepared for others to do so to my ds if need be.

My DC once ate some sweets they found after wandering into a friend's bedroom. Only it turned out they weren't sweets at all and we spend most of the afternoon and evening at the hospital while DC had their stomach pumped.

I'm sure at 9 and 10 these children can tell the difference between sweets and medicine, but nevertheless it's important to teach youngsters the importance of not putting anything in your mouth without being absolutely certain what it is. That's on top of teaching the manners of not helping themselves in other people's houses, so I think you were right to bring it to the mother's attention. But calling it stealing is slightly OTT.

By definition yes they stole the sweets. But in the real world, calling it stealing is too ott.

Yes it was rude, cheeky, a bit naughty, but not stealing imo.

They probably just couldn’t resist.

Although if it was my child I would have told them off and had a word about mooching in other people things and taking without asking.

Why is calling it stealing over the top? It is actually stealing.

I think that’s been answered in the 200 previous posts.

They are kids and they are some sweets.

Some people take themselves wayyy too seriously, I’m surprised anyone ever visits them.

Why is calling it stealing over the top? It is actually stealing.

Some people like to think if something has less monetary value then its not actually stealing. Confusing? Then the kids have no chance of understanding it really.