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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is stealing?

468 replies

Dontgiveaflyingfuck · 20/10/2017 09:42

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

OP posts:
AndrewJames · 20/10/2017 17:06

No, I'm not. That is the actual point. You're just not following the thread.
People kept saying "stealing is stealing, if you take something that isn;t yours it is stealing".
And now you are too but also at the same time saying "well it depends, if you live in the same house it isn't, if this it isn't, if that". Well which is it, a strict one size fits all definition or it isn't?

If a visiting child takes an apple from a fruit bowl without asking is that stealing? By your definition it is. So is taking 2 biscuits if you're told you can have one.

Lethaldrizzle · 20/10/2017 17:08

Jeez I just read why she keeps sweets in the bedroom. Even madder! Surely the answer is not to make sweets into such a big treat or just get rid of them all together. It's all very controlling. Sweets are not such a big deal in our house. And for what it's worth if any of you come over - feel free to help yourselves to whatever sweets we have lying around!

LakieLady · 20/10/2017 17:08

It would have been funny if it was laxative chocolate instead of sweets.

I think they were bang out of order, but I wouldn't regard it as stealing.

RadioGaGoo · 20/10/2017 17:11

'It's all very controlling'

Jesus, she's put sweets out of the reach of her kids. Calm down.

knitknack · 20/10/2017 17:14

Lurkingnotlurking, I think you have the wrong understanding of what 'jailbait' means 😲

OP I too would be furious if my own children took so much as a grape from someone's house without asking - beyond rude!

The attitudes shown on this thread, however, are starting to explain why everything keeps disappearing from my classroom.... sigh

AndrewJames · 20/10/2017 17:15

OP I too would be furious if my own children took so much as a grape from someone's house without asking - beyond rude!

Furious if they ate a GRAPE?

Christ, chill the fuck down lady.

Crumbs1 · 20/10/2017 17:16

It is stealing - petty theft rather than a major crime. I’d have told them off myself and left it at that, I think.

Lethaldrizzle · 20/10/2017 17:19

Hiding sweets away in a bedroom is a bit odd and yes a little controlling

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 17:21

If you share a household with someone who is paying equally for the shopping and hasn’t specifically said that something is theirs and theirs alone then no it is not stealing, it would be using something you have jointly paid for.. like milk etc if you do not pay the bills and something hasn’t been pointed out as for you then taking anything without permission or the intention to replace is stealing. You borrowing the car is just that, borrowing. You used it with the intention of giving it back. Did you actually ask to use it though? If you didn’t that was awful if you did then you would have had permission and it would t be stealing.

Please tell me how I can make this any more clearer? I even gave the definition.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 17:22

Why is it controlling to have your own sweets I your own room to munch on while watching your tv in your room while the children sleep? I can’t see how that is controlling and I am eager to be told, in detail why it would be.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 17:25

Is it also controlling to teach your child to ask for things rather than take? My child has her own little supply of sweets but I still expect she asks before taking any (she is 3) otherwise she will indulge on too many and make herself sick. I expect that will change as she gets older and can steady herself on them more.

AndrewJames · 20/10/2017 17:26

Please tell me how I can make this any more clearer? I even gave the definition

Christ almighty it's painful. The entire point is that it can fit the definition and yet stealing is still the wrong word to use.
IS english your first language?

deadringer · 20/10/2017 17:33

Yes it's a well known fact that children who eat someone else's sweets grow up to be hardened criminals, stealing diamond necklaces and all sorts of stuff. Hmm I think you are downplaying your dds role in this op, it seems likely that she told them the sweets were there. They shouldn't have touched them of course but it's a few sweets, stop being a drama lama and get over it.

DancingDragon · 20/10/2017 17:38

IS english your first language

Was that really necessary?

GherkinSnatch · 20/10/2017 17:41

At what point would it become stealing then? Is it really any different from pinching a sweet from a shop?

AndrewJames · 20/10/2017 17:41

Yes, it was. She seems unable to understand a very basic point while lecturing others.

OliviaStabler · 20/10/2017 17:41

It is theft. The child went into your room, climbed on the bed, found a sealed container of sweets and opened them without asking and took some.

DancingDragon · 20/10/2017 17:41

Hiding sweets away in a bedroom is a bit odd and yes a little controlling

Why is it controlling if the op wants to keep her things in her bedroom? Its up to her what she chooses to keep in her bedroom isnt it. Not odd at all.

DancingDragon · 20/10/2017 17:44

^Yes, it was. She seems unable to understand a very basic point while lecturing others.*

Well the child stole the sweets. Simple as that really. You may choose to look at it differently to excuse poor behaviour, but it is what it is.

ukelelebanana · 20/10/2017 17:48

It's not about excusing poor behaviour.
You don't know the details. All OP says is visiting child followed the dd into the room and ate some sweets. They may have thought it was allowed, the dd may have told them they could.

Either way "stealing" is overstating it. They shouldn't have done it, but a visiting child eating a few sweets, it's hardly the end of the world is it?

NamedyChangedy · 20/10/2017 17:48

I don't think you're over-reacting OP, that's very bad behaviour. Before seeing this thread I'd have assumed that any rational person would be mortified if their child behaved like that, and would be marching them over to apologise.

RadioGaGoo · 20/10/2017 17:53

Bloody hell. Some people think everything is controlling behaviour nowadays. Seems sensible to keep sweets out of reach of kids.

DancingDragon · 20/10/2017 17:54

but a visiting child eating a few sweets, it's hardly the end of the world is it?

Of course its not the end of the world, but when teaching children right from wrong you lead by example. It could be sweets, it could be something more expensive. Kids often dont differentiate. But before taking something that isnt yours, you ask first. Thats a pretty simple rule to follow isnt it. Rather than giving your child the message that its ok to take things without asking as long as its under a certain value. Which is effectively what youre saying. Its not ok.

Willow2017 · 20/10/2017 17:55

Did I miss the memo on what you can and cant keep in your own bedroom?

Also the one where you buy yourself a treat but its not allowed as you must share it with anyone who decides they will make an effort to find take it?

And the one which says you must give all your sweets to your children regardless of whether you already bought them their own because parents are not allowed to keep a treat for themselves.

Maybe they didnt have my correct email address?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 20/10/2017 17:59

It is my first language. In fact, it’s the only language I can speak and type. It doesn’t matter what your personal opinion is on the matter, the fact is the children did steal the sweets. I am failing to understand why it isn’t stealing. Some detailed answers on why would be brilliant, if you do agree that it is stealing can you then explain why it isn’t called stealing? I’m sorry if I come across thick but I understand that words have definitions for a reason and people on here seem to be arguing that in this instance the definition is wrong. I can’t quite understand that if I’m honest.